In the world of psychology, there are few characters and personalities that capture the attention and intrigue of a narcissist. Narcissists are characterized by an insatiable need for validation and admiration and an absence of empathy and act without conscience or consideration for others.
This article aims to shed light on the enigmatic nature of narcissism, explore what it means to be a narcissist, and how they cunningly manipulate those around them without a shred of remorse.
Narcissistic traits and behaviors
Let’s review what we know about the traits and manipulative tactics of narcissists.
Some of the features that we know about them are:
superficial charm
The greatness of a sense of self
The need for stimulation (being bored)
Pathological lying
Cunning and manipulative
No remorse or guilt
lack of empathy
Weak behavioral controls
Promiscuous sexual behavior
No realistic long-term goals
irresponsibility
Not taking responsibility for their actions
Generally speaking, these are the traits we know to be narcissistic, but guess what? This list is actually from the Psychopaths Checklist. There is a fine line separating narcissism from psychopathy, and their main similarity is the lack of remorse or guilt.
Old Freudian beliefs initially held that narcissists were full of self-loathing, low self-esteem, and shame. We are now beginning to understand that this is not true because narcissists believe that they are superior to others and that their wants and needs should always come first.
How can someone have a great sense of self and at the same time suffer from low self-esteem? It is very difficult to live between these two things.
Understanding the narcissist’s brain abnormalities
While it is important to note that not all individuals with high self-confidence are narcissists, this condition can be recognized when the above-mentioned traits become pathological, resulting in pervasive patterns of dysfunctional behavior.
Through various brain scans, narcissistic individuals show brain abnormalities similar to those of psychopaths. Areas of the brain responsible for empathy have reduced gray matter in certain areas, including the prefrontal cortex, which is involved in decision-making, impulse control, and social behavior.
In addition, both narcissists and psychopaths have been found to have abnormalities in the amygdala, which is involved in processing emotions, particularly fear and anxiety. In both groups, the amygdala was found to be less responsive to emotional stimuli, indicating a decreased capacity for empathy and emotional processing.
This is why a narcissist is known to be very critical and even disregards of the feelings of others, including his family or children.
Narcissists don’t feel sorry for anyone; Their brains wouldn’t allow them to sense such things.
Relationships and emotional well-being
Now let’s talk about getting into a relationship with a narcissist. This is difficult to define because they use a variety of manipulative tactics to exert control over their victims without it being obvious.
The first thing they do is get you to paint this not-so-accurate view of them at all. You might go out on great dates, vacations, or intimate dinners. You may have a lot of fun and spend all your time together, and they may also share all your likes and dislikes, making you feel like you have a lot in common.
But this is just part of their tactic to gauge if you will become a good source of supply for them.
Narcissists use many of the same psychological techniques as cult leaders. Therefore, it is no coincidence that when you first meet them, they will be wonderful, charming, and wonderful to be around. But later on, things change and it goes on a downward dark spiral.
Not because you did something wrong that caused them to not like you anymore, but from the very beginning, narcissists had a pathological agenda of making you feel that way.
Some of the most common narcissistic tactics include:
Gaslighting: manipulating the perception of reality, distorting facts, and making their victims question their sanity. They deny events, alter the truth, and even rewrite history to fit their narrative, leaving the victim feeling disoriented and powerless and questioning her memory.
Emotional manipulation: Exploiting the sympathy of others, playing on people’s feelings to get what they want. They use guilt, pity, and empathy to manipulate and control their victims, often making them feel responsible for the narcissist’s well-being and happiness.
Love Bombing: In the early stages of a relationship, narcissists shower their victims with excessive praise, affection, and attention. This tactic, known as love bombing, is designed to quickly create an emotional connection, making it easier for narcissist to exploit and manipulate their partner later on.
Triangulation: Narcissists often create and exploit antagonisms between people in their lives. By pitting others against one another, they gain power and control while deflecting attention away from their own flaws or manipulative behavior.
Devalued and ignored: Once the victim becomes unhelpful or fails to meet the narcissist’s ever-increasing demands, they are devalued and discarded without remorse. The narcissist may quickly move on to a new target, leaving the former victim emotionally devastated and neglected.
These events typically occur when narcissistic individuals engage with a romantic partner. When a narcissist decides to have a wife, it is generally best for him to integrate into society. “Look, I’m in this committed relationship, married with kids.” It helps them look like normal citizens of society, but their partners usually fill them with emotional punching bags.
Relationships help them go out into the world and fool everyone into thinking they are charming and successful. This is because they come home every day, and they take it all on their partners. If this is you, your narcissistic partner will likely go home to vent all their anger, frustrations, and toxicity.
Determine who you are in a relationship with
If you pay attention, you can tell exactly what kind of person you’re dealing with. This is why it is important not to listen to what comes out of their mouths, because, like psychopaths, narcissists are very charming and persuasive. While you experience constant trauma in this type of relationship, you develop Stockholm Syndrome.
You begin to empathize with your narcissistic partner. They either refrain from their abuse or say what they want to hear, and then you start to get squeamish and stop caring about their abuse, thinking it’s a normal part of the relationship. You begin to normalize and even tolerate abusive behaviors because it’s someone’s defense mechanism, but you also don’t want to accept that the person you’re dealing with is as evil as they seem.
A psychopathic narcissist will likely give you the silent treatment, deceive you, constantly break promises to you, blame you for everything, and isolate you from your family, friends, or any type of support system. You can also see this pattern where they time a major event in which you need their support, such as the loss of a family member, the loss of a pet, a diagnosis of a serious medical condition, or even a cancer diagnosis, and instead of being supportive, soon after they make up an argument and leave you.
One of the other things that most people don’t care about is when you invite a new partner to live with you or vice versa, they try to drive a wedge between you and your kids. They tell you how you should deal with them and the consequences they deserve for their actions.
They show you their lack of remorse by continuing to do hurtful things, continuing to verbally or physically abuse, infidelity, and other things because they truly believe they are entitled to do all of these things.
For them, you are not their partner, not their wife. They don’t care about making the relationship work. Even when they try to lure you back into the relationship after a fight, it’s not their intention to love you, just bullshit.
Here’s the truth: they might be out there cheating and living a single life. The only difference is that they may come home and sleep in the same bed as you, and eat the same meals with you, but they are out doing whatever they want just because they feel entitled to do those things.
Unfortunately, your role in the narcissist’s life is to be a prop, and you play the role of their “fiancé” or “husband” to make them appear normal. However, when they cheat on you, they may tell the other person that you are getting divorced, that you are not going to have sex, that you do not love each other, or other things to manipulate the other person as well.
How to escape narcissistic manipulation
Narcissists are chameleons because they do not have emotional attachments due to brain abnormalities and personality disorders.
We may not even want to call it a personality disorder because that is who they are. We’re not saying empaths suffer from a personality disorder, even when their lives are sometimes affected because they don’t set boundaries, don’t say no, and don’t walk away from toxic relationships. It is not a personality disorder, even when it affects their lives negatively.
So, in this case, we need to move away from that insistence and this overwhelming need to label someone as a narcissist and deal with what they’re exposing you to.
The way to break free from that is to leave the relationship.
It’s not easy. I did it myself, and share custody of my youngest son with my narcissistic ex. I know exactly what that means to you, and it’s not as easy as just leaving.
If you are tired of living this life, the first thing you need to do is accept that these are not normal relationship issues. Know that you are dealing with a darker person than you are willing to admit. You also want to be mindful of the fact that all of these things are an umbrella for what we call narcissistic abuse syndrome.
Imagine what your life might be like without this abusive person in your life. Instead of staying complacent, work on your happiness, and if you see a better life without your abuser, that’s a sign to leave that relationship.
Conclusion
If you know you need to rid yourself of the dreadful addiction and devastating emotional and spiritual pollution from a narcissist, consider Break Free. Healing is a process that can unlock some truly transformative discoveries and opportunities when we give ourselves a chance to recover and thrive.
Please know that as crippling as it may feel to finally be free from abuse, there is an end to it. The body and mind know how to heal themselves when we create the conditions for them to do so. Break Free students write to tell me all the time how their lives have been incredibly changed by following the steps laid out for them. I am always so humbled and grateful when I hear success stories from those who thought their lives were over.
