Key Points

People use a variety of breakup strategies to end friendships and romantic relationships.
Personality traits such as narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy can predict breakup behavior.

Psychopathy predicts increased use of manipulation, cost escalation, and remote communication during a breakup.

Many relationships, including friendships and romantic relationships, don’t last. So what causes breakups?

Friendships may end because of transgressions such as lying, lack of support, or revealing private information; changing circumstances, such as moving or getting married; and other factors (for example, having very different values).

People in a romantic relationship may break up because of unmet needs for intimacy, affection, or sex; conflicting interests; frequent conflicts; boredom; communication problems; a desire for more freedom and independence; or infidelity.

Aside from asking why relationships end, the interesting question is: Can we predict how they end? Yes, according to new research.

A recent study by Brewer et al. of the University of Liverpool, published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, suggests that dark triad personality traits can predict disengagement behavior.

The term dark triad refers to the following three personalities:

Narcissists: People who feel self-important, superior, grandiose, and entitled.
Psychopaths: People who are charming, courageous, impulsive, and ruthless.
Machiavellians: People who are often described as cold, calculating, scheming, and sarcastic.

(Note that some researchers include sadism as the fourth trait and use the term Dark Triad.)

To investigate the role of Dark Triad personality traits in relationship dissolution, Brewer et al. conducted two studies, as described below.

Romantic Relationship Ending

The study sample consisted of 722 individuals (580 females), with an average age of 25 years (range 18–75 years). Of this sample, 283 individuals were single and 391 were in a serious relationship (average length 54 months).

The measures in the study included the Short Dark Triad and the Breakup Strategies Questionnaire.

The specific breakup strategies assessed in the study, along with the sample items, are listed below:

Avoidance/Withdrawal: I avoided contact with my partner as much as possible.

Positive Tone/Self-Blame: I avoided blaming my partner at all costs.

Open Confrontation: I openly expressed my desire to break up with my partner.

Cost Escalation: I chose an argument with my partner as an excuse to break up.

In contrast to Machiavellians, narcissists engage in “open confrontation.” Why? Narcissists, who feel entitled and focus only on their desires and wishes, may find it easier to confront their partner about ending a relationship that doesn’t meet their needs.

However, other people may fear that open confrontation will hurt their partner’s feelings.

Finally, the data showed that people with psychopathy were less likely to engage in self-blame but more likely to use cost escalation, manipulation, and distance communication.

Because of their lack of empathy, people with psychopathy may not have realized (or cared) that these tactics often cause unnecessary pain and anxiety and that providing an opportunity for closure can help soothe their partner’s distress after a breakup.

Let’s now turn to the study of friendship termination.

FriendshipEnds

The sample for this study consisted of 177 individuals (135 female), with an average age of 22 years (range 18–64). The average duration of friendships was nine months.

This study used the same measures of Dark Triad personality traits and breakup strategies as the study described earlier.

The researchers found that individuals with psychopathic traits were more likely to break up using telepathy, an approach that indicates “a lack of respect and compassion for the former friend.” However, Machiavellianism and narcissism did not predict strategies used to end friendships.

Overall, the Dark Triad was less predictive of friendship termination strategies, perhaps because ending friendships is easier than ending romantic relationships.

After all, unless there is a clear transgression, ending a friendship outright and completely may not be necessary.

In other words, two friends can gradually become more distant (e.g., interact less frequently) without formally breaking up. This technique would not work to end a romantic relationship.

Conclusion

The research showed that it is possible to predict how people with Dark Triad traits break up with their romantic partners.

Depending on personality, the strategies most commonly used to end romantic relationships were as follows.

Machiavellians: Manipulation, cost escalation, avoidance/withdrawal, and de-escalation.
Psychopaths: Manipulation, cost escalation, and distant/mediated communication.
Narcissists: Open confrontation.

As can be seen, individuals with these personality traits tend to end romantic relationships using manipulative breakup strategies. In other words, they are less likely to let honesty, respect, and compassion guide their actions when ending a relationship.

This is not surprising because what these three personalities have in common is their tendency to overestimate themselves, underestimate others, and endorse beliefs that serve as justifications (e.g., a sense of entitlement).

For example, previous research has shown that people with antisocial personality disorder are more interested in casual relationships than in getting to know their partners. Jealous narcissists resort to costly behaviors (such as intimidation and coercion) to keep their partners from leaving.

Just as people with the Dark Triad show little concern for their partner’s happiness and well-being during a relationship, they do the same when they break up.

So if you’re in the middle of a breakup and your partner has traits associated with narcissism, psychopathy, or Machiavellianism, make sure to protect yourself:

Don’t readily believe your ex’s reasons for breaking up; they may be excuses or justifications.

Be wary of manipulative behaviors (such as shaming or guilt-tripping).

Prioritize self-care and self-compassion during this time.
Give yourself the closure you needed and deserved but didn’t receive.