Narcissists don’t want equality; they want conformity, and for others to make it easy for them to do what they want. Your wants and needs are just minor inconveniences that must be overcome.

With this in mind, it’s no surprise that narcissists deny people choices. They may choose the “wrong” thing, which actually means something the narcissist doesn’t want. Free will is very disturbing to them!

If you’ve been close to a narcissist, you’ve probably felt a lack of options. You’ve found yourself doing whatever they want, even when you don’t really want to.

You might go to concerts to see bands you don’t like. You might socialize in places you wouldn’t normally go. You might spend time with them when you’d rather have a quiet night out by yourself.

But when you ask them to do something for you, forget it. All the excuses come up. And they show no interest.

This creates a one-sided relationship. You do whatever they want, and they don’t reciprocate. Eventually, you learn to do what they tell you to do and not ask for anything in return.

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One way narcissists do this is by giving you no choice and imposing their wants and needs on you. Here are several ways they do it…

Narcissists Put You In At Your At Thumbs

Narcissists don’t show clear interest in something and don’t determine whether it’s worth asking. They grab onto the subject and ask directly, usually without warning.

Narcissists ask in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable saying “no.” They put you in an awkward position. Maybe you’ve felt this before?

They might say, “Would you like to accompany me to Bruce Springsteen’s concert next Saturday?” They phrase it in a way that implies you’re rejecting them, not Bruce, if you decline.

Narcissists ask very directly. They often look you in the eye. They want you to feel uncomfortable, even intimidated. Then you’ll likely say yes. They don’t ask you in a condescending way, inviting you to refuse something that doesn’t suit you.

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Instead, if you refuse, they usually ask you for a reason. And they want that reason so they can undermine it.

Drop Your Excuses

Narcissists treat your reasons for noncompliance with deep suspicion, no matter what you say.

If you’re sick, they may accuse you of being hypochondriac. As if you’re making it up.

If you say it’s none of your business, they may ridicule you, demanding to know how you don’t like Ross. What’s wrong with you?!

If you say you’re busy, they may demand to know why. Then they suggest you cancel, no matter how important it is to you.

Narcissists make it difficult to explain why you don’t want to do something, for two reasons. The first is to get you to change your mind. The second is to make you think twice the next time you consider refusing. They push you into a situation where refusing becomes extremely stressful.

Narcissists Punish Rejection

Narcissists often punish people for dissent. They do this in various ways.

They may accuse you of disagreeing with them, ignore you for a while, ridicule you in front of others, or get angry, claiming you always have excuses.

Narcissists hope to push you into an awkward situation and make you change your mind. But even if you don’t change your mind, it sets the stage for them and shows you the consequences of rejection in the future.

Narcissists Emotional Blackmail

Narcissists often use emotional blackmail to achieve their goals. Perhaps they declined your birthday invitation last week, but they’re deeply offended because you turned your back on a friend on Friday night.

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Narcissists often portray your noncompliance as meaning you don’t like them or that you’re at odds with them. They hope to lure you into proving your innocence. And what better proof than complying with their demands?!

Narcissists may also use emotional blackmail by playing the victim. They may exaggerate or fabricate a problem, then feign discomfort.

Once comforted, they ask for something, or strongly hint at it. Who would be bold enough to reject a “friend in need”?

Narcissists Knock On Your Door

Some narcissists gain compliance by showing up unannounced, with a plan for what you’ll do together that evening.

The narcissist knows you feel rude for rejecting them. That’s why they didn’t call or text you beforehand.

By having them in your home, they can directly influence you. Because you can’t ignore them when they’re right in front of you, you feel even more compelled to say “yes” now that they’re here.

“Demand” with Commands

Instead of asking, narcissists may tell you what to do. Like a tough salesperson.

The narcissist may act as if your agreement is a given and head straight to the negotiating table to discuss future plans. Cash or card?!

Related : How To Boost Your Confidence After A Narcissist Relationship

A narcissist might, for example, talk about a concert on Friday night and then ask, “Can I pick you up at 7?” Or, if they’re more persistent, say, “I’ll pick you up at 7.”

A narcissist knows it’s hard to say no after they’ve shared their plans and acted as if they were inevitable. This means confronting them head-on and challenging them. Most people naturally avoid conflict.

If you refuse their request, it gives the narcissist the opportunity to feign insult, play the victim, and possibly make you feel guilty. If you don’t, they may throw this in your face in the future if you refuse them again. “You always say no.”

Give You Something

If a narcissist really wants something, they may first give you something, or do you a favor, and then quickly ask for something in return.

The narcissist knows this makes you feel obligated to agree, even if you don’t want what they’re offering.

The narcissist sees their agreement as a small price to pay for the greater goal. And the greater goal is your continued compliance.

Concluding Thoughts

Narcissists resort to various methods to gain loyalty. Once they find the right approach, they try again.

Narcissists often force people to do what they’re told, gradually increasing their demands over time while gradually decreasing what they offer. Eventually, they get used to doing whatever they want without expecting anything in return.

However, these one-sided relationships cost them real friendships and relationships because they’re self-absorbed and self-centered. They never fully appreciate the person in front of them.

Narcissists don’t connect deeply with people. They can’t because they’re so focused on themselves and what they can extract. This leads to a lonely and isolated life, even when they’re surrounded by people they’ve known for years.