Narcissists know that the squeaky wheel is the one that hogs everything. And they want it all.

In relationships, narcissists expect the majority of their time, resources, and attention, regardless of who needs it most. But your problems mess with this.

When you have a problem, you need time and attention, which they take away. And they don’t like this. So narcissists find creative ways to ignore your problems. Then the focus can return to where it belongs—them.

Some of these ignoring may be subtle. You don’t always notice them, but you feel them. And you feel like you have no one to turn to, even when you’re in a relationship.

Of course, narcissists will deny ignoring your problems if you confront them. Instead, they’ll likely blame you for it. They’ll accuse you of being an attention seeker or mislead you into believing it’s all your own making. Once you learn how narcissists ignore your problems, you’ll see more clearly. And you’ll realize they’re their problems, not yours. Here’s how narcissists ignore your problems…

Minimize Your Problems

A classic narcissistic trick is to downplay your problems, making them seem trivial. Then you wonder if you’re losing your mind or making a big deal out of it.

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Unfortunately, for narcissists, your problems are trivial. Because they’re not about them. Narcissists are so focused on themselves, they ignore everyone else.

So, a narcissist may reframe your problems to seem trivial. Or they may compare them to people with bigger problems, like starving children in Africa or those living in war-torn countries.

Comparatively, your problems may be smaller than the world’s most devastated. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t problems. And it doesn’t mean a “loving person” shouldn’t help, or at least listen attentively.

Minimizing your problems leads you to doubt yourself and wonder if you’re making a big deal out of it. So the next time you have a problem, think twice before saying anything. This is exactly what the narcissist wants.

Mock Your Problems

If you continue to bother them with your problems, the narcissist may resort to mockery. They make your problems seem ridiculous. They may even laugh in your face while you express your feelings.

Discussing your problems puts you in a vulnerable position. And when you’re mocked, you feel incredibly humiliated, which increases the pain you’re already experiencing, especially from someone who supposedly loves you.

So you learn to keep your problems to yourself because discussing them only makes you feel worse. And the narcissist is now in an unenviable position. They may turn a blind eye whenever they see you in trouble. They blame you for not telling them if you ever complain.

Get Raged

Narcissists sometimes get angry when someone comes to them with a problem. This happened to me in a very cruel way.

My parents died within a few years of each other. Both were relatively young, 56. About a year later, I hit a lull and felt frustrated. So I talked to my then-partner about it.

Instead of listening to me and telling me everything was fine, she angrily yelled at me, saying it bothered her too.

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As you can imagine, I was stunned. She never came back to apologize or ask if I was okay. Her anger was the end of it.

Narcissists sometimes explode because they assume we think like them and use problems to manipulate people.

So in the narcissist’s world, your problems may seem like an attempt to manipulate them, playing the victim to get what they want. And that’s why they might explode in anger.

While this explains their reaction, it doesn’t excuse it. Nor does it make it acceptable. Because if you anticipate an angry reaction when you bring up a problem, you’re less likely to bother yourself in the future. And that’s not how a loved one should treat you.

Exploit Your Problems With Their Problems

Another common tactic narcissists use is to exploit your problems with their own. For example, you might tell them about your knee pain, and they’ll counter with their own back problems—which are far worse than yours.

If you have a long-standing or health issue, the narcissist may create their own long-standing problem, just to compete with you and prevent you from hogging all the attention.

They may even invent an entire problem, or exaggerate an existing one.

I knew a narcissist who stirred up problems at work when his wife was diagnosed with cancer. This was just to compete for attention. In fact, he said his work problems were just as serious because money was essential to supporting the family!

Solve Your Problems

Narcissists can’t stand wasting their precious time listening to your problems. Instead, they may try to quickly “solve” them. Then you shut up, and they move on with their day.

Narcissists may offer various “solutions,” while you just want them to listen. This isn’t because they want to help, but rather to prevent you from complaining. Instinctively, you feel ignored.

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These solutions aren’t usually helpful. The narcissist isn’t interested in helping you, only in silencing you. So, they throw out any old ideas, hoping they’ll keep you quiet.

Instead of listening, narcissists may continue to throw useless suggestions at you, which can cause them frustration when you point out the flaws in their solutions.

This frustration isn’t really because you won’t accept their help, although they often say so. It’s because they can’t get over your problems and forget about them, and you won’t accept their mediocre solutions and leave them alone.

Final_Thoughts

Narcissists lack emotional empathy. They don’t feel your pain. And when these feelings are combined with their constant need for attention, it’s no wonder they ignore your problems.

Narcissists compete in almost everything, even with who has the biggest problem. They’re especially competitive when it comes to attention.

Related : Why Narcissists Mirror You

Unfortunately, narcissists can be extremely cruel. They may ignore a loved one who genuinely needs help in favor of their own manufactured problems. They may convince themselves that their needs are greater.

Someone who genuinely cares about you feels upset when you’re upset. They will share your pain. This motivates them to help, comforts you, and helps and comforts them.

But narcissists don’t have this emotional connection. They’re too self-absorbed. So, they tolerate your problems at best, hoping they’ll go away quickly. This isn’t because they want the best for you, but because they want you to pay attention to them again.