Having spent years with narcissists, both personally and professionally, I’ve noticed they have a knack for stirring up conflicts among themselves. They simply sit back and watch events unfold.

Even when they’re not arguing, they’re wreaking havoc. Instead of direct confrontation, they often lure others into doing their dirty work. This is especially true of more covert narcissists.

Narcissists realize that controlling people who are divided and isolated is easier. They can play the “sympathetic friend,” even if they were the ones who maliciously started the argument in the first place.

Narcissists love stirring up conflicts simply for fun. They find it entertaining. They also feel powerful, knowing they’ve controlled others and “forced” them to fight.

Here are some of the tactics I’ve observed narcissists use to stir up conflicts among others…

Playing The Victim

As you know, narcissists often play the victim to manipulate and control. They often gain sympathy and are offered favors. But there’s another way they play the victim.

Narcissists may play the victim, then complain to stir things up. Here’s an example…

Someone may be tired and not want to spend time with the narcissist. The narcissist gets upset because they’re not “doing what they’re told,” so they complain to someone else about being “ignored.”

They tell others this in an exaggerated and dramatic way, to arouse their emotions and anger. All with the goal of luring them into confronting the other person about why they’re “ignoring” the narcissist.

Have you ignored your cousin again? “I was tired after a long day at work.” “Well, I’ve annoyed them again.”

Related : How To Cope With Narcissists At Work

The narcissist sits back while two people argue about him. He knows that once he’s on their side, he can play the victim whenever he wants, tempting them to control him for him.

Exaggerating Others’ Flaws

Narcissists sometimes tear apart entire families with this tactic. I’ve noticed that they often target someone they perceive as a threat. They may not tolerate their nonsense, or they may have discovered their narcissistic ways.

They identify a flaw in that person and magnify it. Since no one is perfect, finding a flaw isn’t difficult. We all have flaws.

The narcissist will repeatedly mention this flaw, skillfully exaggerating it, and talking about it over and over again. This creates the illusion that they are much worse people than they actually are.

For example, someone may be lax in communicating with their mother. The narcissist notices this and begins to lash out, repeatedly complaining to others about their immoral behavior. In reality, they don’t care that they rarely see their mothers. It’s just a stick they use to beat them up, making them look bad.

Narcissists find people who are upset by this, and they escalate their anger. They often paint a negative picture: “I think they’ll still expect something from me, even if they never see them.”

These repeated messages often cause conflict between people and their loved ones. What is a relatively minor flaw is magnified through drama, exaggeration, and repetition.

Bullying

Some narcissists cause conflict using bullying tactics. These are usually the most outspoken narcissists.

They may belittle others in front of others. They get into a very bad mood, acting very cautious, and making everyone afraid of them.

They create a situation where everyone tries to please them. If someone doesn’t, they publicly bully them, encouraging everyone else to join in.

Because everyone is afraid of the narcissist, they join in, knowing that if they don’t, they could be next.

The narcissist creates a situation where a few people bully them. Then they sit back and watch the drama unfold, as if they were never involved. And if things get heated, it’s easy to forget how the argument started in the first place.

Narcissists Demand Support

Another tactic I’ve seen many times is for the narcissist to start a fight for little or no reason. Then they convince others to support them.

A typical example is a couple with narcissistic personality disorder. The narcissist starts an argument for no good reason. Then they turn to their spouse and say, “You won’t let them talk to me like that, will you?”

If a spouse refuses to participate because she’s wrong, they can expect: “What kind of man are you to let someone talk to me like that?!”

Related : Why Narcissists Disappear Then Reappear

Inevitably, the spouse is drawn into an argument. The narcissist sits back, enjoying the glory of two men fighting “over them.”

Blame Others

Narcissists also cause conflict because of their habit of blaming others.

Narcissists rarely admit their own wrongdoing. Instead, they blame others for their actions.

Narcissists like to play the generous and kind role publicly, even when they are completely different. If someone asks them for a loan, they might blame their spouse for refusing, for example.

My wife wouldn’t let me lend you that money. If I could, I would. But you know her nature.

The narcissist may not be intentional in this case, but it’s often a result of their influence.

Final_Thoughts

Narcissists use various manipulative tactics to stir up conflict and make others believe they have nothing to do with it.

Once a fight breaks out, the cause of the conflict is often lost in the emotional turmoil. The narcissist emerges unscathed. “It’s none of my business.”

Narcissists love the sense of power they gain from stirring up conflict with others. They love chaos and drama.

Narcissists often exploit these conflicts to their advantage, either through a “divide and conquer” strategy or to become the center of attention, enjoying the beauty of a discussion that revolves around them.

In this case, narcissists enjoy the best of both worlds. They stir up conflict and drama, reap the rewards, and avoid blame.