You’ve never heard such a whiny, annoying, sick tone from anyone until you meet a narcissist who wants something from you.
Like hemorrhoids, they’ll come across as a real nuisance – and leave you feeling extremely uncomfortable.
You’re not used to this.
You feel surprised.
Some might think the kindness is real.
You can’t see me right now, but I’m waving my red flag at you.
Here’s why.
WHAT’STHAT…
…WHAT ARE YOU SAYING NOW?!
…A known one?!
Suddenly, the arrogant person you can’t stand being around is acting somewhat normal.
They come across as a breath of fresh air, and their kindness is annoying.
Related : 10 Ways Narcissists Try To Ruin Your New Relationship
You usually have to deal with the panic or anxiety that comes with being around a toxic person, but on this occasion, they don’t offer you those traits.
Instead, you see a different side of them – which in itself is just as scary – plus the confusion!
What exactly is going on? Why are you so… uncomfortable?!
Sudden Energy Shift
Well, that’s enough to throw anyone off. Energy shifts aren’t meant to be ignored, and if you’re used to conflict or drama where there’s not an ounce of it in sight – then something is wrong.
Now, not many people see this at first. While it’s strange to have a shift like this, you don’t suspect that the shift is because they’re up to something.
They’re adding a little sweetness to you, to appease you and temporarily take you out of yourself so they can swoop in and ask for a favor.
It’s hard to spot – but when you realize what they’re up to – you can avoid future fakery like this.
Just Let It Happen
That brings me to my next tip:
Just let them flirt with you once.
It’s a hard lesson to learn, and it can take some time to fully process how they’re taking advantage of you.
The first time you fall for a sweet, sick attempt to get help from you will be the last and it should be…
…for your own good.
Change in a Narcissist
Signs to watch out for when a narcissist is sneaking around you looking for a favor include:
Excessive flattery towards you. Yes, it sounds nice to hear nice words coming out of their mouths, but they are specifically designed to impress you.
Related : 8 Things Narcissists Say About Their Ex-Partners
Offering to help with anything that comes up for you. Errands you need to run, any childcare you need, or showing up unplanned to talk and listen to how you’ve been lately.
Checking in on you regularly, by calling or texting. How are you? How are you doing?
When you think, “That’s sweet, maybe I was too hard on them after all,” is when you need to pull yourself together a little and try to see the bigger picture. What’s really going on?
Change never comes without a reason.
LetThemFailAtYourPeril
When a narcissist needs you, they will offer themselves to you first. Usually the little bit of extra time or attention you give them makes them think they’ve done enough to get what they want.
If it gets to the point where they’re being asked for a favor and you can’t do it for them for whatever reason (and this is likely to be true), they’re in danger.
One of my early clients, who I’ll call Annie, told me about a family member who was always asking her to babysit her son.
She chose to work long hours and gave her son away to anyone willing to babysit.
Annie told me how one day a family member suddenly sent her a voice message, asking how she was doing and saying it had been a long time since they had spoken.
Annie thought it was a great idea to call her, and they connected over the course of a few days.
Soon enough, the text message arrived. Could she babysit? Annie said yes, no problem, and it was as if she had inadvertently recruited a new best friend.
Annie ended up babysitting the child on several occasions, with a family member promising her some reward as a thank-you (which surprisingly never arrived).
Eventually, Annie realized what was happening, and on one occasion said no.
“Okay. No problem. You’re obviously busy. Soon he’ll be old enough to qualify for free childcare, so I won’t be bothering people anymore.”
Ah.
The tables had turned, and all the previous favors had gone unnoticed and unappreciated.
Annie realized that this was the right thing to do, even if this was the response she received.
This is certainly risky, right? Narcissists can go from hot to cold in a split second, and if you’re not playing their game, they’ll cut you off their team.
Related : 14 Toxic Ways Narcissists React To Your Weight Changes
See also Why Are Narcissists Bad for No Reason?
Victims tend to blame themselves for the narcissist’s mood swings.
It’s my fault.
I let them down.
I should have helped more.
I did my best, but it wasn’t good enough.
All of these ideas are false. You can literally bend over backwards for a narcissist, and they will complain and blame you when your back breaks.
OnceServed
Has anyone seen the narcissist? No. Where did they go?
Oh, that’s right. All you see is a cloud of dust, because they’re long gone.
With services, you are only good enough when you are good enough to help. Once you have provided the service, you can forget about talking to them again (until the next time they need something from you, of course).
Narcissists don’t:
Appreciate
Thank
Remember the good things you do for them
Appreciate
Reward
Honor
Praise
Yet they do:
Use
Abuse
Manipulate
Guilt
Shame
Abandon
There is no guilt. There is no hesitation at all.
In the mind of the narcissist, we are all in the business of serving others. We are putting them first, regardless of the impact on our health.
Related : 7 Bizarre Ways Narcissists Act Around Pregnant Women
The next time a narcissist asks you for a favor, you should seriously evaluate whether it is worth doing.
I know the alternative is dealing with a really angry narcissist, but that is better than destroying yourself.
Doing good is selfless, but no one should ever ask for more than they need to.
Favors should be appreciated, and thanked, for being done.
