There’s usually a honeymoon period at the beginning of any new relationship. This is when you’re both in love and filled with happy hormones.
If your partner is always available to you, constantly showering you with affection, gifts, and grand promises for the future, you have every right to feel happy, right?
The only problem is that instead of falling in love, you may be falling into the narcissist’s love bombing trap.
Love bombing is a manipulation tactic that involves showering someone with affection, compliments, gifts, and attention in order to control them.
How long does love bombing last? Love bombing is the first stage of the abuse cycle, and once it’s over, the narcissist quickly moves on to devaluing them.
It typically lasts anywhere from a few weeks to a few months, depending on the type of narcissist.
This article explores the motivations behind love bombing, statistics on its duration, the goals of love bombing, and why it is so dangerous.
It also provides examples of love bombing scenarios and offers guidance on recognizing and responding to love bombing behavior.
How long does love bombing last with a narcissist?
If love bombing lasted forever, there would be many happy couples around the world. Being love bombed is wonderful until the moment you realize it’s not real.
Daniel Wilder shared his love bombing story on Quora, saying, “It was the happiest I’ve been in over a decade… To me, it was very real.”
Love bombing feels real, and to some extent, it is. During the love bombing phase, the narcissist idealizes you as the perfect partner. They are infatuated with this ideal image and use it to validate themselves.
Unfortunately, over time, you behave in ways that disrupt this ideal image. You worry about money, you have problems at work, you feel tired, or you have a bad day.*
Related : What Happens When a Narcissist Sees You Are Looking Good?
Suddenly, the narcissist’s estimation of you drops. Everything in their world is black and white, so you’re worthless if you’re not perfect.
This is when the love bombing phase ends abruptly, which can last anywhere from two weeks to several months or even a year or two.
Statistics and the Love Bombing Cycle
A survey of 500 survivors of narcissistic abuse found that the average love bombing phase lasted between four and a half to six months, but it varied depending on the type of narcissism at play.
Grandiosity and covert narcissists tend to seduce their victims faster, while malignant narcissists take longer, making sure their victims feel completely safe before moving on to the next phase.
You can’t be sure how long the love bombing cycle will last, but it won’t last forever.
A narcissist can’t sustain this level of attention for long, not when they rely on receiving attention to validate themselves and boost their self-esteem.
“What is the goal of love bombing?
Love bombing seems pretty straightforward, but psychologically, it’s surprisingly complex, and narcissists use it to accomplish several different things:
1 Deprive the target of the ability to think
Love bombers bombard their target with messages, shower them with compliments, and never leave them alone long enough to sit back and assess what’s happening.
They keep the pressure on constantly, preventing the target from thinking logically or critically about the situation. This allows them to control the target’s thoughts, making them focus on themselves and the relationship.
2 Make themselves look good
Narcissists use the love bombing phase to create an idealized version of themselves. They are generous, attentive, complimentary, and fun to deal with.
They sweep you off your feet, take you to romantic destinations, and shower you with expensive gifts.
They seem like the perfect partner in your eyes—until you discover the dark side lurking beneath all the grand gestures.
3 Create an alternate reality
The love bombing phase allows the love bomber to By creating an alternate reality bubble in which he and his target are united by a unique love that no one else can understand or appreciate.
This enables the Love Bomber to isolate the target from the rest of the world and isolate them within this artificial bubble.
4 Practice Dealing with the Target
The more intense displays of love and affection the target receives, the more they will anticipate and act in a certain way to elicit the same responses.
If that means wearing a certain outfit, they will do so because they remember how great it feels to receive all those compliments.
The love bomber tricks their target by encouraging them to believe in an idealized self so much that they will do anything to maintain it.
5 Exploit the Law of Reciprocity
The Law of Reciprocity states that if someone does something nice for you, you will feel obligated to do something nice in return.
Narcissists and love bombers exploit this by showering their target with love and demanding favorable treatment in return.
As I explained before, “a love bomber partner may push you into early commitment,” saying it’s only fair that you respond to their wonderful gestures of love.
Why Do Narcissists Love the Bomb?
We’ve just explored some of the reasons why narcissists love bomb and what they want to achieve during this phase of abuse, but what is it about a narcissist’s personality that drives them to do this?
Beneath all their bravado and confidence, narcissists hide a deep sense of self-doubt and low self-esteem, which causes them to act in certain ways. One such method is love bombing.
A study of love bombing among millennials found a strong correlation between low self-esteem and love bombing.
According to their findings, the researchers concluded that love bombers use this phase “to increase their sense of value in the relationship and reduce the likelihood of becoming an undesirable self.”
The same study also found that narcissists engage in love bombing behaviors more often because they need more control and affirmation in the relationship.
By sending endless messages, a love bomber can control the target and elicit positive reactions that boost their self-image.
Why is Love Bombing So Dangerous?
At first, you may welcome some love bombing. Who doesn’t enjoy receiving compliments, giving gifts, and feeling like the most special person in the world?
The problem is, it’s all just an act. Love bombing is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that can leave the target feeling ashamed and self-doubtful.
A narcissist’s compliments may seem flattering at first, but over time they can become overwhelming and even demoralizing.
Love bombing puts you on a pedestal, idealizes you, and showers you with compliments, only to drop you and watch you fall.
Because love bombing involves creating an alternate reality where the love bomber and the target exist in perfect harmony, it encourages the target to isolate themselves from other people and aspects of their life.
Related : When a Narcissist Knows You Love Him/Her, How Do They Respond?
This is one of the scariest things about love bombing because it means you’re distancing yourself from the people you’ll need when the narcissist reveals their true colors.
The entire purpose of love bombing is to attract the target and control how they respond. Once the love bomber establishes this control, he will exploit it to the bitter end.
4 Love Bombing Examples
1 The Expensive Gift Scenario
You’ve been dating a guy for two weeks now, and he’s already sent you flowers (twice!), a box of chocolates, and given you a notebook so you can, as he says, “record all the special times we’ve had together.”
When you object, saying it’s too much, he defends himself by saying, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I always want to pamper you and show you how special you are to me.”
Take this as a red flag! After all, a few weeks isn’t enough to build such a deep connection!
2 The Endless Comments Scenario
You’re on a first date with a colleague, and she can’t keep her hands off you. You sneak over to a cozy corner table at a restaurant, and she quickly sits next to you.
She puts her hand on your thigh, and she tells you how much she loves your work, how beautiful you look in that blue outfit, how tall you are… and the compliments never end.
Beware! This may be a compliment, but she doesn’t give you time to interact or even respond to her comments. This is love bombing! It’s subtle, but it’s still dangerous.
3 The Isolation Tactic
You’ve been dating a guy for a few months, and he wants to spend every free minute with you.
Even when you try to go to the gym for a quick workout, he begs you not to, saying he’ll miss you and wants to spend the evening with you.
Every night, the same story repeats itself until you suddenly realize you haven’t seen your friends or set foot in the gym in over a month.
Beware. This narcissist is love bombing you to create a fantasy bubble where there’s just the two of you.
4 The Early Commitment Technique
You’ve been dating someone for two weeks, and things are going great, but you feel like things are moving too fast.
You’ve already been invited to meet his parents, and now your partner wants to talk about making the relationship official.
It’s too early to make such commitments, but the love bomber wants to make sure you’re addicted and needs validation to ease his insecurities.
What Comes After the Love Bombing Phase?
Once the love bomb phase is over, the relationship will begin to disintegrate. The narcissist will quickly move on to the next stage in the love bomb cycle, which involves devaluation and rejection.
All those loving gestures and messages will disappear, leaving only criticism in their place.
The love bomber will find fault with almost everything you do, become increasingly demanding of your time, and show signs of jealousy when your attention is diverted from them.
They may try to limit your contact with friends and family, bully you into behaving a certain way, and gradually chip away at your self-esteem.
They may start accusing you of things you didn’t do and pressure you until you start to question your sense of reality.
This is a form of psychological manipulation and is a manipulative tactic that narcissists often use to gain control. Its purpose is to make you doubt your own truth until you fully accept theirs.
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