Ladies and gentlemen, please start your timers…

… on 3, 2, 1… now!

As soon as you identify the person you just met as a narcissist, I want you to hit the pause button. Shout “Bingo.” Wave your red flag—or all of these!

Wouldn’t that make it even more fun?! I mean—if only we knew how long it would take before the picture cleared and the real person was revealed.

Ladies and gentlemen, please start your timers…

… on 3, 2, 1… now!

As soon as you identify the person you just met as a narcissist, I want you to hit the pause button. Shout “Bingo.” Wave your red flag—or all of these!

Wouldn’t that make it even more fun?! I mean—if only we knew how long it would take before the picture cleared and the real person was revealed.

Related : How Do You Break Up With a Narcissist?

Let’s talk about this in more detail, because I think it will really help some of you.

Time_Is_Different

We look at the same clock every day. We share time with millions, if not billions, of others. And as time passes, we do what we can to make it through.

We work.

We sleep.

We eat.

We socialize.

We paint.

We shop.

We clean.

But somehow, time can be either our best friend or our worst enemy when it comes to identifying narcissists.

Either we don’t need much of it, or we need as much of it as possible to uncover the truth about these toxic people.

And I know this isn’t fair. It isn’t fair that decades pass before you realize that the person you’re living with and being associated with is a narcissist. Beyond that, it could be a parent, a friend, or even your boss!

These people don’t make it easy.

Knowing What You Know Will Help

I’ve always believed that when it comes to narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the more you know, the easier it is to spot the signs.

Are they foolproof? Of course not! Nothing is.

Related : Why Are Narcissists Emotionally Cold?

But… these signs will give you a much greater chance of discovering a person’s true motives in time, without feeling like you’ve wasted so much time deceiving, defrauding, and abusing them.

People like me are here to teach you how to scan the room for people you should avoid. If you can’t avoid them, be careful and keep as little information as possible about them.

Not Seeing What Is Seen

Hi, my name is Andrew. I’m friends with your cousins, and I’m a total narcissist. In fact, I should also mention that I think you’re beautiful, so you fall in love with me. Then I can spend the next 20 years abusing you and erasing your entire identity.

… He said, “Never a narcissist!”

People may sometimes say, “How could you not have noticed the signs?”

I always want to say, “Try to know everything you need to know the moment you need to know!”

In other words, most people don’t know the truth about a narcissist until they’ve been affected by one. And even if you know a lot about narcissists, the chances of avoiding one in real life until you get to know them are slim.

They’re smart. And what’s more, they know exactly what they’re doing and who they’re targeting. For example, Andrew above doesn’t show his boss the same charm for a promotion as he does for a potential date.

The question would be, “What do I have in common with my boss? How can I become good friends with him so he’ll consider me for promotion season?”

Related : These 8 Things Make Covert Narcissists So Dangerous

They manipulate each person differently. They always know who they’re dealing with, and they’ll act accordingly (and “act” is the key word…).

So, yes, it’s very easy not to see what’s really there.

It’s also easy to see what isn’t there.

Pretending_to_have_a_future_buys_time

You know very well that any narcissist who promises you everything will not commit to their world.

When you live those moments of deceit and lies, you don’t see them.

You don’t see what’s happening. All you see is someone you think cares about you, telling you how much they care.

They’ll even prove it by telling you that you’ll get married one day, have kids, and live a happy life.

Promise them to always love and respect you.

Promise them to always be honest and caring.

And you know what? The more promises they make, the more time they can devote to you while you’re oblivious to their narcissistic ways.

That’s what they do, and that’s their way of buying time.

Related : How Do You Become Indifferent to the Narcissist?

The more time you give them, the more they can manipulate you and create a toxic relationship that keeps you with them.

Narcissistic Abuse: Calling It By Its Name

So, when you finally wake up one day and realize what’s been happening, you’ll have no choice but to call it by its name.

Will it hurt?

Absolutely.

You’re not just getting to know a narcissist in action; you’re also getting to know someone who’s deceived you. Suddenly, it’s personal.

It affects you.

It doesn’t matter when you notice the signs, or how long it took. You can punish yourself for not noticing them sooner, or be grateful that you did.

However, you got there, you got there.

How To Spot The Signs: Speeding Up The Process

So, spotting the signs of a narcissist may or may not be obvious, depending on the type of narcissist you’re dealing with.

Related : Oops Did I Marry a Narcissist?

Most will exhibit:

Lack of empathy
Mood swings
Inability to keep promises
Need for attention
Love of drama
Wanting to be the center of attention

The more covert narcissists are, the more they have:

The ability to manipulate their emotions—perhaps using tears to look at the victim.
Subtle, but still destructive. You want to catch them acting coy, but at the same time, they love the attention.

Passive-Aggressive

Holds a grudge

Overt narcissism looks like this:

Arrogant

Loves extravagance

Loves attention

Overestimates their abilities

Arrogant and bold

Attention-seeking

Both love drama. Both don’t love as they should. Both deceive others. Both deceive others. Both exploit others. Both abuse others. Both are adept at ignoring others as punishment.

Related : Is The Narcissist You Know a Psychopath?

It’s important to know these things and be wary of things that don’t feel right or are not right for you.

Listen to your gut. If something feels better than perfect, it probably is.

Stop Ignoring The Obvious

You can make all kinds of excuses for someone, but ultimately, the more you do, the more you’ll allow them to escape being a narcissist in your life.

Someone you can do without!

You need to start recognizing the signs when to back off and change course.

You don’t want to be doing the same thing ten years from now.

Be Confident

It’s okay to believe in your feelings.

Searching for your attraction may lead you to think and feel, “Oh my God, this doesn’t make sense.”

You’re right, it does.

Don’t prolong the search.

The less time you allow yourself to fall in love with the narcissist, the more time you have to move on!