Marriage is a journey full of ups and downs, and requires tremendous effort, compromise and understanding from both partners. However, when a narcissist enters the equation, the already complex dynamics of marriage become even more difficult. This begs the question: How long can a narcissist stay married?

In this blog, we will explore the complexities of marrying a narcissist and discuss the potential outcomes of such marriages.

Why do narcissists marry?

Narcissists may choose marriage for various reasons, which often revolve around serving their own needs and desires.

Here are some common motivations and dynamics behind a narcissist entering into marriage:

Boost your vanity. Narcissists crave constant admiration and validation. They may see marriage as a way to have a constant source of narcissistic supply, someone who will constantly inflate their ego and satisfy their needs for attention and adoration.

Image maintenance. Narcissists are often concerned with their public image and how others view them. Marriage can help them project a “normal” and socially acceptable image, which can enhance their status and provide them with a sense of validation.

Control and manipulation. Marriage provides a platform for narcissists to exert control and manipulate their partner. They may use their wives as pawn in the power game, exploit their weaknesses, and use emotional manipulation tactics to maintain dominance in the relationship.

Security and stability. Despite their outward confidence, narcissists are often highly insecure. Marriage can provide a sense of stability and security, as they seek a partner who can meet their emotional and material needs and provide a constant source of support.

External verification. Narcissists rely heavily on external validation to boost their self-worth. Marriage allows them to demonstrate their ability to attract and keep a partner, which feeds their need for admiration and proves their desirability to others.

The cycle of narcissistic abuse

The cycle of narcissistic abuse refers to the recurring pattern of behaviors a narcissist engages in to control, manipulate, and emotionally abuse his or her victims.

This cycle usually consists of three main stages: idealization, devaluation, and neglect.

It is important to note that the cycle may repeat itself, with the narcissist oscillating between idealization, devaluation, and neglect.

This creates an ongoing pattern of emotional abuse and instability, leaving the victim feeling trapped, confused, and emotionally damaged.

perfection

During this stage, the narcissist idealizes his victim, showering her with love, attention, and admiration.

They may appear charming, generous, and attentive, making the victim feel special and loved.

This stage is often referred to as “love bombing.”

The narcissist uses this intense affection to gain the trust and loyalty of his victim.

Currency devaluation

After the idealization stage, the narcissist’s true colors begin to emerge.

They begin to devalue and criticize their victims, undermining their self-esteem and self-esteem. They may engage in gaslighting, manipulation, and emotional abuse.

The narcissist may become emotionally distant, dismissive, or even hostile toward his or her victim.

This stage is characterized by constant criticism, belittlement, and intentional infliction of emotional pain to maintain control over the victim.

discards

In the neglect stage, the narcissist abruptly ends the relationship or withdraws his affection and support.

The victim is left confused and hurt and is often blamed for the failure of the relationship.

The narcissist may dispose of his or her victim without any remorse or compassion, and search for a new source of validation and supply.

This stage can be particularly devastating for the victim, as they experience sudden loss and rejection.

Narcissists and marriage

Marriage adds layer of complexity to the cycle of narcissistic abuse. When a narcissist marries, the dynamics of power and control are intertwined with commitment and intimacy in the marital relationship.

Initial attraction

Narcissists often have a charismatic and charming personality, which makes them attractive to potential partners. They can initially sweep their wives off their feet with grand gestures, flattery, and intense attention.

However, it is important to realize that these behaviors are a manipulation tactic known as “love bombing.”

Once the honeymoon phase is over, the true nature of the narcissist begins to emerge.

Control and manipulation

Narcissists have an insatiable desire for control and dominance.

They have a strong need to be the center of attention and have their desires met at all times.

In a marriage, this can lead to a power struggle, as the narcissist constantly seeks to manipulate and control the spouse.

They may use emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and even physical abuse to maintain control.

In addition, marriage also brings complex financial and legal complications, as it often involves shared assets, shared financial responsibilities, and legal ties.

Narcissists may exploit these factors to further control and manipulate their spouses.

They may use financial abuse tactics, such as controlling finances, withholding money, or sabotaging the victim’s financial independence.

Decline in emotional intimacy

One of the hallmarks of a healthy marriage is emotional intimacy, which requires vulnerability, empathy, and open communication.

Unfortunately, narcissists do not care about the feelings of anyone other than themselves, which makes it impossible for them to have a true emotional connection with their partner.

As a result, marriages with narcissistic partners often lack emotional depth, leaving the non-narcissistic spouse feeling invisible, unheard, and emotionally neglected.

Marital infidelity and external validation

Narcissists thrive on external validation and attention.

They may seek validation through extramarital affairs, flirting with others, or engaging in other forms of emotional or physical infidelity.

The non-narcissistic spouse is left feeling betrayed, hurt, and insecure, which erodes the foundation of trust within the marriage.