Each of us has a unique way of experiencing and expressing love. There are five love languages, according to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Your Sincere Commitment to Your Partner.
they:
Giving gifts
Quality time
Physical touch
Acts of Service (Devotion)
Words of affirmation
Some people’s way of expressing love is by doing acts of service for their partner or helping with household chores. Some people like to express love through verbal affirmation. Some people express their love through physical gestures while some people express their love by spending quality time with their partner.
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People generally believe that their partner has the same love language as they do, and they show love in the same way they would like to receive it.
However, this dynamic can get messy in the case of an empathic and narcissistic relationship.
When an empath meets a narcissist for the first time, they may be misled into considering the narcissist an empath. They can mistake the beautiful things and kind gestures that are part of a narcissist’s Love Bombing technique for true love and care.
Therefore, empaths need to learn the true love language of themselves and the narcissists so that they can avoid this toxic relationship dynamic.
The five love languages of the Empath and Narcissist are as follows:
1. Words of affirmation
When narcissists use words of affirmation to express love, their intention behind it is a self-serving motive while empaths use words of affirmation to express their true love and care.
Narcissists use a technique known as “love bombing” where they shower their partner with unlimited praise and words of affection. They usually use this technique at the beginning of a relationship to seduce their partner or when there is a fight or breakup to get them back into the relationship.
While these words may seem very real since narcissists have mastered the art of saying all the right things, the empath must be careful to see whether or not their words match their actions.
Just because empaths are honest in their communication and speak to their partner with kindness and respect, they should not make the mistake of believing that everyone thinks, feels, and acts like them. A narcissist may use flattering words to only benefit themselves without having any real interest or love for the other person and can become abusive at the drop of a hat if their needs are not met.
2. Fun time
Full attention and focus are something we all want to feel satisfied with in a relationship. However, the narcissist is all about himself, so he is unable to give anyone his undivided attention or quality time. Always putting the spotlight on himself.
On the other hand, he may try to distance you from your friends and family by spending most of his time with you but don’t mistake this tactic for love. He spends most of his time with you fulfilling his own needs and agenda and wants to cut you off from your support system so that if things get worse, you will have nowhere to go and come back to again.
While empaths appear authentic and look for a heart connection and thus give their full attention to their partner, they will not find that deep connection with a narcissist because they are truly incapable of thinking about anything apart from themselves.
So, while quality time ranks high on the list of love languages for empaths, it does not appear on the list of love languages for narcissists.
3. Receiving gifts
Narcissists are superficial and their preferred love language is giving and receiving expensive gifts. They need external things to enhance their sense of self, so they spend lavishly on flashy cars or gadgets. They also buy expensive gifts for their partners when they are in the “love bombing” stage.
Empathy is not physical at all. They don’t get carried away with flashy items, and their favorite gifts will be well-thought-out, meaningful gifts, handmade gifts, or gifts with sentimental value. Sooner or later, empaths will see the love bombing phase of narcissists because they cannot feel satisfied or loved through gifts or hollow words of affirmation for long.
4. Acts of service (devotion)
Narcissists believe that the whole world revolves around them, feel entitled to everything, and believe that everyone should meet their needs. They not only expect their partner to do the routine chores for them like cooking, laundry, etc., but they also expect them to fulfill their every whim and whim.
Empaths have very bad boundaries when it comes to giving because they don’t like confrontations or saying no and they end up being the ones doing all the work in the relationship. In the process, they end up feeling unloved and uncared for as they exhaust themselves caring for their partner without receiving any appreciation or thoughtful acts of service in return.
This dynamic serves narcissists well as they feed on the energy of empathy but it completely drains empathy and makes them feel insecure or unworthy.
5. Physical touch
Narcissists go to extremes when it comes to physical touch. They want their physical needs met at all times but will withhold physical affection from their partner as a way to torture them for hurt or discomfort that occurred long ago.
Empaths need true love and physical affection and physical gestures are their preferred love language, but the narcissist withholds his love from them when they need it most or when they are at their most vulnerable instead of trying to comfort or soothe them.
Empaths believe that just because they genuinely care and love people, people will do the same for them but this is their biggest mistake especially when they expect true love and care from people with personality disorders like narcissists.
Empaths are highly sensitive people who often put the needs of others before their own and forget to take care of their own physical, mental, and emotional needs.
This often leads to compassion fatigue. So they need to learn how to create strong boundaries around giving, choose their partners carefully, and not fall into a toxic narcissistic empathic relationship dynamic.
Related: Are You Secretly A Narcissist Without Knowing It? How To Find Out
