If you’ve been a victim of psychological manipulation, you’ll know how traumatic it can be. Psychological manipulation is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation that can have a devastating effect on its victims, especially if it goes on for a long time.

Psychological manipulation is the use of psychological and manipulative tactics to make someone question their reality, sanity, and ability to think.

Because psychological manipulation is all about creating confusion, it can be very difficult to recognize.

That’s why I want to draw attention to some signs that a narcissist is manipulating you, such as constantly lying or telling you that you’re crazy.

The sooner you see psychological manipulation for what it is, the more you can withdraw from the situation or relationship and minimize the long-term effects of such psychological abuse.

How to Tell if a Narcissist Is Manipulating You?

If a narcissist is deceiving you, they may deny the events that occurred, twist the facts to fit their narrative, or place blame on you.

You may gradually find yourself questioning your judgment and feeling confused about reality.

This insidious manipulation can cause you to question your judgment and leave you feeling confused and distracted while the narcissist maintains control and power over the situation.

The narcissist’s goal is to undermine your self-confidence, control your thoughts, and maintain dominance in the relationship.

Recognizing these patterns and having trusted friends, family, or professionals support you through this experience is crucial to your emotional and physical health and can help you maintain a clear understanding of the truth.

You can also take a look at some real-life examples of narcissistic deception.

10 Signs a Narcissist Is Cheating on You

1 Blatant Lies

A narcissist has a strange relationship with truth, often seeing it as something that is subject to change rather than a fixed or finite entity. They can tell blatant lies convincingly because they want to believe it.

For example, imagine that you and your narcissistic partner planned to attend an event together. However, they deny making such plans on the day of the event, even though you clearly remember discussing them.

In their version of events, they insist that they never agreed to attend despite clear evidence of your previous conversation.

They manipulate the truth to shape their reality and maintain control. Their ability to lie with such confidence can leave you feeling confused and uncertain about your own memory.

Constant lying has significant psychological and physical consequences, increasing anxiety, triggering feelings of betrayal and distrust, and even raising your blood pressure.

2 Denial

No matter what you accuse a manipulative narcissist of, they will deny it. They will use phrases like “I would never say that” or “It never happened,” even though you clearly remember the incident.

This denial serves a dual purpose for the manipulative narcissist. First, it allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or statements, effectively absolving themselves of any wrongdoing.

Second, it casts doubt on your memory and judgment, making you question whether your recollection is accurate.

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Over time, this erosion of trust in your own perceptions plays into the narcissist’s manipulation as you begin to rely more and more on their version of events.

A manipulative narcissist’s denial is a calculated strategy to assert control and dominance over you.

By rejecting your narrative and affirming their own version of reality, they undermine your trust, create confusion, and position themselves as the sole authority on the truth.

This tactic can leave you feeling isolated, frustrated, and increasingly dependent on the narcissist to validate your narrative and sense of reality.

As a result, your mental and emotional health can suffer as you struggle with self-doubt and a distorted perception of the world around you.

3 Double Messaging

Manipulative narcissists rarely say what they mean or mean what they say. Instead, they use a tactic known as “double messaging,” where they say one thing but act in a way that contradicts their words.

This inconsistency creates confusion and uncertainty in the victim, causing them to question their perception of reality and the narcissist’s intentions.

For example, a manipulative narcissist might say, “You mean the world to me. You’re the only one who truly understands me.

I can’t imagine my life without you,” and then spend the rest of the evening texting other women.

This manipulation tactic allows the narcissist to maintain a facade of being caring and empathetic while keeping you off-balance and confused.

You don’t know whether to trust their words or accept the adage that actions speak louder.

The narcissist’s tendency to say one thing and do another undermines your ability to trust your own judgment and perception.

It reinforces the narcissist’s control, making you more vulnerable to manipulation and less likely to challenge the narcissist’s behavior.

Over time, this type of manipulation can have profound psychological effects, leading to self-doubt, anxiety, and a distorted understanding of relationship dynamics.

4 Using Your Passion Against You

Narcissists constantly want to be in the spotlight and will manipulate you to ensure that you are always focused on them.

If you are passionate about your career or proud of your professional accomplishments, the narcissist will use that against you.

If you put your children’s needs above the narcissist’s, they will turn that around and accuse you of neglecting them.

By attacking something you love, the narcissist aims to create doubt and insecurity within you. They want you to question your priorities, so you seek their approval and validation instead.

This tactic erodes your self-esteem and makes you more dependent on their opinions and validation.

Over time, this can lead to isolation, as the narcissist systematically erodes your confidence and choices.

5 Confusion

A classic sign of narcissistic psychological manipulation is when they continually make contradictory statements to confuse you.

One day, they may praise you for being an excellent cook, and the next day they accuse you of being useless in the kitchen and not producing anything nutritious or worth eating.

Narcissists intentionally create a chaotic and uncertain environment by contradicting themselves and distorting the facts. This constant and deliberate confusion is a manipulative tactic designed to keep you off balance and doubting your own perceptions.

Over time, you will increasingly rely on your manipulator for guidance and validation as you seek clarity amidst the mixed messages.

Your desire for clarity becomes a weapon in the manipulator’s hands, allowing them to maintain dominance and prevent you from recognizing the manipulation that is taking place.

6 Losing Your Sense of Self

Manipulators often create false narratives that portray the victim in a negative light.

For example, if you tell the narcissist how hurt you are by something they did, they may turn to you and accuse you of being overly sensitive and overreacting to the situation, even though your emotional response is justified and reasonable.

They may twist your expressions of pain or frustration into evidence of your supposed “emotional instability,” thereby undermining your credibility and self-perception.

Over time, you may internalize such negative narratives and begin to doubt yourself and the veracity of your feelings and reactions.

This tactic strengthens the power of the person manipulating you and further erodes the victim’s self-esteem and confidence.

7 Projection

Manipulative narcissists project their behavior onto their partners to divert attention away from their actions and make their partners feel guilty about their concerns.

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For example, imagine you’re in a relationship, and your partner repeatedly stays out late at night without proper explanation.

You start to worry about this and ask them what’s going on and where they spend all their time.

Instead of answering, they become defensive and attack, saying, “You’re always trying to control me and invade my privacy. I can’t believe you don’t trust me after everything we’ve been through.”

By accusing you of being controlling and untrustworthy, the narcissist shifts the focus away from their actions and manipulates you into questioning your own feelings and perceptions.

This tactic allows the narcissist to maintain control of the narrative and avoid taking responsibility for their questionable behavior.

8 Everyone Lies

Imagine this scenario: You’re in a relationship, but you have some concerns about your partner’s behavior and turn to your friends for help and a fresh perspective.

When your partner finds out you’ve been talking about them, they immediately undermine your friends’ opinions, saying, “You can’t trust anyone but me. They’re just trying to sabotage our love.”

This manipulation technique allows the person to create a false narrative that isolates you from your support network and makes you question their intentions.

It makes you question those around you, as well as yourself, leaving you isolated and dependent on the narcissist for support.

This approach puts the narcissist in a position of power, reducing your ability to seek outside perspectives and opinions and drawing you further into their false narrative.

9 Love Bomb/Devaluation Cycle

The love bombing and devaluation cycle is a manipulative tactic often used by narcissists. It can be considered a form of manipulation because of its effect on the victim’s perception of reality and self-worth.

During the love bombing phase, the narcissist showers you with excessive affection, attention, and praise.

They create an idealized picture of the relationship, making you feel valued and appreciated. However, this intense positive attention is often disproportionate and unrealistic.

As the devaluation phase begins, the narcissist’s behavior suddenly changes. They begin to criticize you, belittle you, and diminish your worth.

This sudden change in attitude and treatment can leave you feeling confused and hurt as you struggle to reconcile the stark contrast between the initial love bombing and the sudden devaluation.

This cycle plants doubt and confusion in the victim’s mind. It makes them believe that they are somehow responsible for the narcissist’s sudden change in behavior, making them emotionally dependent on the narcissist’s validation and affection.

The cycle of love bombing and devaluation distorts your perception of reality, undermines your self-worth, and keeps you emotionally attached to the narcissist’s whims.

This manipulation is consistent with the goals of manipulation, as the narcissist seeks to control and dominate you by distorting your sense of reality and self.

10 You’re Crazy

“You’re crazy” is a favorite phrase of narcissists who use psychological manipulation, and it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy if you don’t notice the signs of a narcissist’s psychological manipulation and get out before it’s too late.

“You’re crazy” is a powerful tool in a narcissist’s arsenal, designed to erode your self-esteem and keep you trapped within their manipulative web.

When repeated often enough, it destroys your sense of reality, making you question your perceptions and judgment. As you internalize this label, your self-esteem plummets, making you more vulnerable to further manipulation and control.

Some narcissists who use psychological manipulation will go so far as to tell mutual friends and family members that you’re losing your grip on reality or that they’re concerned about your mental health.

Over time, you begin to question your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences, leading to increased confusion and anxiety.

The more you doubt yourself, the more you rely on the manipulative person’s narrative, and the more control they have over you.

Do narcissists know when they’re manipulating you?

Most often, narcissists intentionally manipulate you. They’re fully aware of the psychological impact of their manipulative tactics and use them strategically to maintain control and power over you.

However, there are instances when a narcissist may be manipulating you unintentionally.

These unintentional episodes of manipulation can occur when their distorted perceptions of reality become so entrenched that they genuinely believe their distorted version of events.

In these cases, the narcissist’s cognitive distortions and fragile ego may cause them to reinterpret past conversations or actions in a way that aligns with their egocentric narrative.

They may genuinely believe they’re telling the truth, even if their version of reality is inaccurate.

Unconscious manipulation can be just as damaging and confusing as intentional manipulation, because it blurs the lines between fact and fiction, causing you to question your own memories and experiences.