Narcissists love hot or cold water. Turn it on, put your hand under it, and you’ll either burn or go numb.
That’s what they love. You either get angry or you get scared. There’s no middle ground.
They hate anything in between.
So… if they hate it, why can’t we all guarantee we’re somewhere in the middle?
Indifference has its advantages, and I want to show you how you can achieve it.
All These Years Of Trying
I can feel your frustration as I write, and I know you haven’t read this yet.
You’ll be yelling at me, or at least thinking, “Alexander—come on! I try not to let them bother me. I try not to let them bother me. I try not to let their moods affect me. That’s what they do.”
I’m not judging you for this at all. In fact, you’d be crazy not to engage emotionally with a narcissist.
The pressure they put on you, the way they tear at your soul just to be right or play their latest game, is absolutely horrible.
You may have tried your best to relax and let them carry on with their lives carefree, but where’s the reward for them?
Where’s the reward for you?
I know it may not seem satisfying, but victims often need narcissists in their lives. Those moments when narcissists tell them how wonderful they are or how much they love them—victims need to hear it.
They need to know they are loved.
That’s the reward.
Related : 10 Twisted Ways Narcissists Show They Love You
Without the disregard and devaluation part of this cycle, this neglect wouldn’t exist.
So, inaction will stop all of that.
You have to want to change—and it can’t come from the narcissist.
Pressure_of_Wanting_Change
The reason you want to change the narcissist is because you believe, deep down, that he’s a good person.
You even make excuses for him.
He’s tired.
He doesn’t mean to yell.
He just shuts up from time to time—that’s just the way it is.
He doesn’t like me asking him a lot of questions.
He likes to be in control.
I let him make the decisions.
And so on, and so on.
All of this is because you want to change the narcissist.
You want to change the narrative.
Right now, it’s being said:
A toxic person takes advantage of a humble, loyal, and kind victim.
You want to read:
A person going through a tough time just needs a little understanding.
But that’s not true.
Accepting that means starting to feel indifferent.
Apathy? How Does It Work?
Apathy won’t come to you suddenly. There are ways you can reach the point where you feel completely indifferent to the narcissist.
Related : Oops Did I Marry a Narcissist?
Let’s try to explain this a little more clearly.
- Acknowledge the Pain
It’s difficult at first, but acknowledging the pain you feel will help you understand its existence.
We can deny what’s happening in our home right before our eyes.
But this is never a good thing. Over time, this feels like dismissing deeply hurtful events as “just life.”
Your pain matters, and anything you’ve been through will leave a scar. You can’t be the type of person who walks around covered in scars, pretending they don’t know how they got there.
So how do you even begin?
Be honest with the facts, not your feelings. The facts are lies, bullying, manipulation, neglect, inconsistency, and the inability to engage in deep dialogue with yourself.
Reflect on your experiences and how they have affected you. Yes, I mean the good and the bad. When a narcissist makes you feel good, it’s usually because something bad has just happened, or is about to happen. All of this is to cushion the blow of the negatives.
Reflect on yourself before you met them, and on yourself now. Can you honestly say that a narcissist is good for you?
- Acceptance
Acceptance is a powerful tool. We all need it in any situation.
I know that some things are difficult to accept, and I appreciate that loving someone and accepting that they can’t be who we want them to be is probably at the top of that list.
There are ways to accept a narcissist as they are, leading to complete indifference to their character. Here are some tips:
Related : The One Phrase That Will Leave Any Narcissist Powerless!
Be mindful when trying to change the situation. Maybe you’re putting on a smile, or ignoring his latest snarky comment about him having a bad day.
Allow yourself to grieve for what’s really going on. Don’t pretend anymore. See the relationship as it is, not as you want it to be.
Remember, acceptance is a choice. By making that choice, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to change the trajectory of your life. This doesn’t have to be your story.
Give yourself time. Time helps with acceptance, and when you can, you can truly begin to let go.
- Know Your Value
This is a big deal.
I know it won’t be easy for many of you. Your value has been taken away, right? And now you feel like you have nothing left to work with.
When your value is in the spotlight and has room to grow, you can do anything you want. If it’s ignored, you’ll keep doing exactly what you’ve been doing…
…things that clearly haven’t worked for you.
Yelling, or absorbing their toxicity.
Let them make all the decisions because then you won’t be criticized.
You don’t have to make these choices, because you can make new ones based on a new level of self-esteem.
Related ; The One Secret The Narcissist Knows About You
One of those choices might be indifference.
Don’t be concerned. But beyond being concerned—feel it. Why would someone deserve all your energy and attention just because they ask for it?
Make It Easier To Move On
I know it’s hard to shake off the allure of a toxic relationship.
Somehow, people get addicted to the twists and turns, the great and the terrible.
To make it easier for you to move on, you have to start with indifference. Notice how you feel when you walk away and give the narcissist nothing.
Think about how you feel when you’re given that emotional freedom.
You no longer have to worry about the narcissist.
