Narcissists need support like a drug addict needs therapy, it is their lifeline. They need a great deal of outside attention to make sure that they really are there and that they are as special as they think they are.
For a narcissist, a person is not a living, breathing entity, deserving of their own needs and wants. No, for the narcissist, other people are either the providers or they are nothing. There is no in between.
When looking at how narcissists deal with an old offer, it will always boil down to one thing – the availability of their current offer.
What is Supply to a Narcissist?
To understand why presentation is so important to the narcissist’s psychological survival, it is important to take an active look at the personality disorder.
The workmanship of the narcissist
Many of us on this planet have experienced some degree of trauma, which then goes on to define how we interact with the world around us.
While many of us dealt with our trauma in a way that made us more empathetic toward others, narcissists decided to go the other way.
When narcissists were in shock, they decided that what they were feeling was unbearable and they simply refused to feel those things. In response, they unconsciously discarded their true selves, because that was the part of them, which was responsible for making them feel such things.
By throwing away their true and authentic selves, they are also severing their connection to the Divine Life Force, which is how we all access Life Force energy.
It was basically the greatest self-denial they could do.
From that point on, the narcissist was left with a huge black hole inside themselves, which didn’t really solve their problem.
Now the narcissist has doomed himself for life to the need to steal life force energy from other, still intact, souls. This is the only way for them to temporarily relieve their inner pit of despair, their empty black hole.
Lorsqu’ils se sont coupés d’eux-mêmes, leur ego était la seule chose qui restait au pouvoir. C’est leur ego qui a créé un faux moi complet pour s’aligner sur leur fausse réalité, le tout dans le but de protéger le narcissique de la vérité. Ce sont des êtres humains imparfaits, pas spéciaux, supérieurs ou plus importants que le reste d’entre nous.
Extraire l’énergie vitale
Le besoin du narcissique de s’auto-médicamenter avec l’énergie vitale est insatiable. Ils ne pourront jamais remplir leur espace vide, mais c’est la seule chose qui leur apporte un soulagement temporaire.
La seule véritable façon pour les narcissiques de se guérir est de renouer avec leur être intérieur. Mais cela signifie aussi reconnaître tous leurs défauts et assumer l’entière responsabilité, non seulement de leur comportement, mais aussi de leurs blessures les plus profondes.
La nature même du narcissisme est la raison pour laquelle si peu de gens sont capables de guérir dans cette vie.
Il existe des moyens spécifiques par lesquels un narcissique peut puiser l’énergie vitale des autres, afin de nourrir continuellement son faux moi.
Tout se résume à l’attention, qui n’est qu’énergie. En d’autres termes, ils ont besoin d’un flux constant d’attention dirigé vers eux, qui nourrit leur ego et maintient leur fausse réalité gonflée.
Vous voyez, pour que leur fausse réalité survive pour eux, ils ont besoin d’une validation constante du monde extérieur selon laquelle elle est vraiment « réelle ».
Vous pouvez voir à quel point les narcissiques sont voués à une vie de vide et de dysfonctionnement.
Le narcissisme est une maladie spirituelle dans laquelle ils se croient supérieurs, uniques et parfaits que tout le monde. Dans leur fausse réalité, ils sont un dieu autour duquel tourne l’univers tout entier.
Les narcissiques dans leur vie quotidienne
There are two types of narcissistic supply – primary supply and secondary supply.
Primary narcissistic presentation
The primary offer is based on receiving interest. When it comes to raw supplies, it doesn’t matter if the attention is good or bad, it all feeds the narcissist’s ego.
This type of display often comes from the people closest to the narcissist such as friends, family, children, co-workers, etc.
Examples of initial supply:
Admiration, compliments and flattery
Create (or be a part of) chaos and drama
playing the victim
Fame and infamy (even in their own small community or friendship group)
Control and control others
sex (to have it or withhold it as they see fit)
Secondary narcissistic presentation
The secondary narcissistic display is all about appearances. This type of display relies on the false image that the narcissist projects to the world and the energy and attention he gains because of it.
This kind of display should only be positive attention so the narcissist can feed his ego. For example, if they want to appear rich and successful, they can’t risk looking like a loser or someone who struggles with money.
These things would actually threaten to bring down their entire false reality. They will go to great lengths to protect themselves from such negative images, even if it means crushing others in the process.
Examples of secondary supply:
Having a “perfect” family, partner, or relationship.
appear successfully
Appearing financially secure
Acquisition of material items that help them appear rich and superior
Once you understand how important regular offer is to a narcissist, you can see how they are always in a never ending cycle of finding more and “better” offer.
When the narcissist finds himself running out of steam, he will begin to sink inside, toward a pit of self-loathing, disgust, unworthiness, and shame. So, they will do everything they can to prevent this from happening!
Narcissists cut out their conscience when they cut out their true selves. Now, the inability to feel empathy, compassion, and love towards others actually makes them very dangerous.
People are just tools for narcissists to get attention, resources, and validation.
With a narcissistic God complex, they truly believe that other people’s purpose is to provide for them (the narcissist). They do not see others as completely independent beings with their own needs and desires.
How Do Narcissists Treat NEW Supply?
Any new relationship with a narcissist always looks amazing (especially through the lens of social media). And they make sure of that!
The narcissist enters the stage of idealization with the new show and love blows them away. They will shower the new show with lots of attention, gifts, experiences and compliments. You will feel completely intoxicated by the new supply.
Meanwhile, the narcissist will be on cloud nine for a little while, too. They will think that this new show is the answer to all their problems and will finally be the one who can provide them with all the things they need.
They will put the new supplies on a pedestal because they believe that the new supplies will be able to fill their empty black hole.
During this initial love-bombing phase, the narcissist will mirror the new offer and pretend to share the same hopes, dreams, and desires. This instills a sense of confidence in the new show, so that they open up and also share their deepest fears.
Their insecurities and wounds are the real things the narcissist wants to get their hands on. By handing over his weaknesses, the narcissist is able to gather basic data about the new offering. The narcissist studies his new victim to see how resilient they are and how easy it is to control and manipulate them.
The narcissist also needs to know that the new show has valuable resources he can hand over to him. These can come in the form of sex, love, money, cooking, cleaning, home, status, or opportunities. Whatever the narcissist deems valuable.
However, this stage of idealism does not last long. Some experts say the average narcissistic love-bombing phase is about twelve weeks, but of course it can vary with each situation.
Eventually, something will happen, which will make the narcissist realize that this person is not the amazing fantasy he thought he was.
The bubble will burst, and then the narcissist will start devaluing the new offer (just like they did with you).
The narcissist will no longer receive the excitement and fantasy generated by the new offer. Therefore, they will have to start the devaluation cycle in order to begin to dismantle the identity and self-worth of the new supply in order to control them.
Or they may become bored with their current supply and start looking for an alternative, only to repeat the same toxic cycle with someone else.
Another option here is for the new offer to be confident enough to spot the narcissist’s red flags and withdraw on their own.
Being with a narcissist is never about creating a beautiful loving relationship built on trust and togetherness.
How Do Narcissists Treat OLD Supply?
There are a bunch of different things to consider when looking at how a narcissist might handle an old show.
It would be nice to think that once you pull yourself out of their toxic web, it will be forever. However, it is rarely that smooth or simple.
For the sake of this post, I’m going to assume you’re the old source, since you’re here doing the research. Therefore, when I use the word “you,” I am referring to the ancient source.
If a narcissist replaces you with a new source…
If the narcissist dumps you for a new supply, he will be so preoccupied with his shiny new toy that he won’t even think about you again. You can go from living with them one day to seeing them walk out of your life the next, as if your entire relationship never happened.
There you go, feeling completely devastated and crushed not only for being thrown in the trash, but also for having to show them how little you clearly mean to them.
No matter how much a narcissist abuses you, you will feel completely broken because you have been replaced by a new source. It is likely that they either replaced you while they were still with you or within a very short period of time after that.
Cependant, le moment où vous laisserez le narcissique seul sera probablement de courte durée.
Si le narcissique se rend compte que sa nouvelle offre ne se passe pas aussi bien qu’il l’espérait, il voudra revenir vers vous.
Ne vous laissez pas tromper en pensant que c’est parce que vous leur manquez vraiment ou qu’ils se soucient de vous, même s’ils vous disent ces choses dans le but de vous manipuler. C’est simplement parce qu’ils savent déjà comment extraire l’offre de votre part.
Revenir à l’ancienne série est toujours plus facile pour le narcissique désespéré que de devoir trouver quelqu’un de nouveau avec qui commencer le cycle.
Le narcissique annoncera qu’il a changé ou il pourra faire comme si de rien n’était. Ils essaieront de revenir dans votre vie et de reprendre là où ils s’étaient arrêtés, tout en s’attendant à ce que vous vous entendiez bien.
This is where you have to be strong and set very clear boundaries. If you don’t need the narcissist’s presence in your life for any reason (i.e. kids, work, family, or possessions), now is the time to implement this split.
I recommend blocking them and not contacting them. If they try to contact you and put you back in their circle of poisons, don’t respond.
