Narcissists thrive on abuse and their favorite hobby is to abuse people, be it mentally or emotionally. The only person they care about is themselves, and the only things they care about are what they need.
How the abuse cycle works
How does a narcissist play you? How does a narcissist make you feel?
A narcissist may love to blow you off when you first meet them. They can be intense, all over you, telling you things that make you feel loved.
I have never met anyone like you. You are the one I’ve been waiting for.
They hold you back and promise the world—marriage, babies, and a perfect future together. All you need to hear.
How does a narcissist make you feel?
How the narcissist makes you feel at first – especially wanted, awesome.
It feels like fireworks have gone off, it’s the ultimate drug. You feel so elevated in their presence, their charisma sucks you in.
Once they get the hang of you, bad behavior creeps in, just small cues at first.
“I was so hungry that my heart became food for your self.” – Amanda Torrone
Narcissistic play
Anger may suddenly erupt. A flash of anger, where they turn on you and say something nasty.
It’s subtle at first and pretty quick, but it’s over just as quickly.
You think you imagined it, especially when they say now: I’m so sorry, that’s not me.
They are remorseful and may attribute this to their difficult past. They tell you how hard they did; Unlucky in love or life.
Then you feel a little sorry for them, so you forgive them. You think this behavior was uncharacteristic, not them.
But, after that, you start seeing these flashes of anger more and more and it gets worse each time.
Psychological games narcissists play
If you question them, they make excuses and tell you why it’s not their fault. If this isn’t their bad past, it’s something I did.
You made me angry. You shouldn’t have said that about me in front of your friends.
Whatever the case, they will find a reason to blame everything or anyone else, except themselves.
Or they might just disappear. They may go into a rage, throw things or smash their fist into a wall and then run out the door. You won’t see them for a few days and you’ll wonder: what have I done?
They will reappear and it will be as if nothing happened. If you bring it up, you’d be wrong for trying to create an issue in your relationship.
Why are you so cold when I am so loving?
Narcissists test your limits early on, to see what you will accept.
Did he (or she) leave the relationship as a result of this behavior? No, they hung up.
They see this as a license to reveal more of their dark side. He is always excused, and someone else is to blame – usually you.
You begin to change your behavior because you believe:
Maybe I said something wrong because they were so loving before.
You can change it, hoping that by doing so you will affect the outcome and it will not happen again.
But nothing works. So, you start twisting yourself into knots. You will do everything in your power not to provoke them and to keep the peace. All you want is that loving side of them.
This pattern is repeated and the abuse continues, followed by remorse and blame.
You may start to see the first signs of physical violence. pay or pay. They may throw you against a wall or pull your hair.
But, again they explain it too far.
I just pushed you a little. It wasn’t as bad as you might imagine.
They may become remorseful and upset and exclaim, “I’m so sorry.” I can’t believe I just did that. I don’t want it to turn out like my dad was violent.
You begin to feel sorry for them, more than you feel for yourself and the abuse you just suffered.
They test your limits. If you accept their promises to never do it again, they will know they got away with it and they can do it again.
The hikes you have with them can be amazing, intense, and feel amazing. But, it is followed by this tension that builds until something causes her to explode.
The lows are going down, and the highs are lower and more in between.
You’re always chasing that high, trying to find that good guy again. You change your behavior, and you believe more, if you do, you can get that sweet side of them back.
You are forever trying to change and fix things and make peace again.
All the while, they strip you of your self-respect. To the point where you start to believe you are worthless.
They convince you that you deserve this abuse, that it is your fault.
You begin to accept more than your fair share of responsibility for that relationship. You take responsibility for their actions and behavior. They blame you and you start to believe them.
Related Topics: Do You Ever Worry Because You Might Be A Narcissist In Your Relationship?
It is difficult to break out of the cycle of abuse
This cycle of abuse is pervasive and difficult to break free of. Not least because they also use manipulation tactics such as:
- Gaslighting – where they tell you you fantasize about mistreating them. You are too sensitive or overdo it.
- Reversal – where they project their toxic behavior on you. They say you’re the one making the drama when it’s them.
This is manipulative behavior.
By the time you realize you are in an abusive relationship, your self-esteem is very low. It is almost impossible to find the courage to leave.
I also became dependent on them. Your abuser has made you feel so down, yet he can lift you again with one hug and the words:
