Think back to times when you had to evaluate someone before recommending them for inclusion in an organization.
No one is very successful at this lucky task, and bad expectations have many causes—but the following narrative probably strikes a sad chord:
After the interview process, you conclude that this person is capable, attractive, interested, and intelligent—the kind of person who will perform well individually but will also advance the goals of the organization. You might anticipate a budding friendship.
But over time, you realize that this first impression was flawed, deeply flawed. With the benefit of hindsight, you now conclude that the interview masked the dangerous traits of a hardcore narcissist for your organization—and that you and others in the organization are stuck dealing with the social debris this person creates.
While this person is talented, that talent is used to win only one nest, and everyone can tell which nest it is. Increasing self-absorption is strangely coupled with a desire to be admired, even as each rung of the organizational ladder is observed and then climbed, as the toes of others on the lower rungs feel the effects of their treading.
Yes, this person has a certain charisma that initially seemed charming, but the waters have turned shallow and disgusting, as the person’s actions have struck at the positive expectations generated by those first impressions.
Are you interested? Whatever you concluded from the interview was just self-presentational nonsense. This person seems to lack empathy and proves unwilling to sacrifice himself when organizational goals lack a clear connection to his self-interest. Unfortunately, your recommendation is heavy-handed.
The idea of friendship is just a smidgen of nausea.
The overwhelming goal for you and your organization now becomes: How do you remove the parasite from its host? Identifying the character in general is not an option, because the person is unlikely to recognize any flaws in his character in the first place. Only a court order could force a designated therapist to self-reflect in the form of therapy, and even that would send the designated therapist into early retirement.
This narrative, though an oversimplification and exaggeration of the criticism of narcissism, is likely to be common enough in its initial outline, with countless permutations depending on which aspects of a person’s narcissism govern the behavioral profile (and there are many important distinctions to be made) and where each aspect falls along a continuum from mild to severe (recent studies also provide a degree of empirical validity to the general pattern and these complex permutations). A similar story plays out on a wide scale in intimate relationships, both personal and interpersonal. A striking testimony here can be found by typing “narcissism” into the book category on Amazon. Most of the books are aimed at helping people who have unwittingly hired—or married—a narcissist.
I think an underappreciated factor in explaining the hatred that may eventually emerge in a narcissist is the growing disparity between the narcissist’s actual behavior and the initial, memorable façade he presents himself. In reality, the narcissist must appear to be a hypocrite of the highest order, selfish, and increasingly so. The narcissist may maintain this façade longer before those of higher status or authority, and act in selfish ways only before those of lower status and authority (I would look to these people for early signs of a narcissist in the organization). However, a person who is governed by self-interest in this way is bound to eventually produce behavioral leakages across the status board, highlighting the narcissistic worm at the heart of the person’s self for all to see. At the same time, the self-presentation ploy persists, driven in part by a desire to be admired, which is a laughable ploy under the circumstances. Indeed, the apparent disconnect between the initial impression and the nonsense on which the self-presentation was based, and the evolving recognition of the narcissist’s true qualities, as well as the ongoing self-presentation tactics that largely target those of high status and power, are bound to create a wave of resentment and disgust.
