Let’s say you’re out and about and suddenly you receive a random text from your ex saying “I miss you.” It’s been over a year since you cut ties, so what’s going on?

If this message leaves you with a bad feeling in your stomach, you may have just been hit by the “vacuum cleaner.”

While it’s easy to mistake it for a sincere attempt at reconciliation, the vacuum cleaner is a manipulative tactic someone might use to lure you back into a potentially toxic relationship.

A random text message may not necessarily indicate anything malicious per se, but be wary if there’s a history of toxicity.

Here’s a look at some telltale signs that someone might be stalking you. Again, these signs don’t necessarily mean someone has bad intentions, but it’s important to consider their past behavior.

SnapbackToYou

As mentioned earlier, sending direct messages or texts out of the blue can be a way to try to get you back into the relationship.

Beware of nostalgic messages or seemingly benign questions. The goal isn’t to know the answer, but to refocus you on them.

Here are some phrases they might try to say:

“I’m watching our movie and thinking about us.”

“Do you still have that red shirt I was wearing?”

“I dreamt about you.”

Pretending to be sorry

They may pretend to apologize excessively for past events and try to convince you that they have changed. When these apologies are used as an evasion tactic, they are staged and have manipulative connotations.

Related : Can Narcissistic People Change?

Ask yourself: Do they get upset if you try to change the subject of the conversation? If so, their “apology” may not be sincere.

Contacting on Important Dates

Contacting them during the holidays or your birthday may be a way to get you to respond to their texts or phone calls.

They may also send you messages like “Congratulations on the new job!” to lower your guard and convince you that they are genuinely interested in your accomplishments.

Proclaiming Their Everlasting Love

A blanket declaration of love can be a way to warm you up and remind you of good times past. These sudden declarations can be even more impactful if they had difficulty saying “I love you” when you were a couple.

They may say things like:

“You are the perfect partner for me.”

“You are my soulmate and we belong together.”

“No one else makes me feel the way you do.”

Giving You Gifts

They “love” sending lavish or expensive gifts to your home or job. While these unwanted gifts may seem like unusual gestures, they are another manipulation tactic designed to make you feel grateful for them.

Promise the moon

They may promise to take you on an exotic vacation, buy your dream home, or even marry you – knowing full well that they will never keep their promise.

Related : 10 Tips for Dealing with Someone’s Narcissistic Personality Traits

If they didn’t want to have children when you were together before, for example, they will say that they changed their mind, even if they still don’t intend to have children already.

Using other people to reach you

Beware of the vacuum cleaner by proxy, which can happen when your ex-partner plays the role of a victim and tries to convince other people to communicate with you on his behalf.

Some of the ways they might do this include:

Chat regularly with your parents and tell them how much they miss you
Telling mutual friends how great you are and how they regret leaving you
Using your child as an intermediary by having him convey messages to you

Urgent need for help

They may invent some crisis or emergency, such as a health scare. Or they may try to tug at your heartstrings by saying they witnessed the death of a family member.

The goal is to get your attention by making you feel anxious in a dramatic way.

Spreading false rumors

They will use drama as a weapon by spreading false rumors about you among mutual friends and acquaintances. They may try to jeopardize your social life by making public scenes or sending you text messages saying they’ve heard others talk badly about you.

Making outlandish accusations

They may also make claims designed to provoke you into defending yourself. This gives them a sense of control over your responses.

For example, if you refuse to respond to their text messages, they will accuse you of dating one of their friends as a way to lure you into responding.

Pretending like nothing happened

Showing up at your workplace randomly and asking for a ride home as if nothing has changed between you is another harassment tactic.

If you try to cut off contact, they will continue to harass you by making unwanted visits to your home or showing up at important events. They may also text you about their day as if you were still a couple.

Threats to harm themselves

One of the biggest signs of harassment is threatening to harm yourself.

A manipulative ex will try to force you to respond by saying they will harm themselves unless you answer their texts or calls. They may even threaten suicide.

If you think they are in imminent danger, you can call your local emergency services number.

Conclusion

It may seem harmless on the surface, but vacuuming is a malicious behavior that can quickly escalate into more dangerous territory.

Related : 10 Tips for Dealing with Someone’s Narcissistic Personality Traits

The key to responding to this? Don’t do it. Disengage and identify who you’re being stalked by blocking their number or email address. Tell friends and family that you’re not interested in hearing from them or their news.

Most importantly, listen to your gut. If the spam has become overwhelming your inbox and shows up at your house uninvited every other day, it’s a sign that things have become abusive and have escalated into stalking.