I suppose I was prepared to believe that God’s intervention could be miraculously brought about by a young man spent devouring the books of the Evangelists. These men and women of God have proven time and time again how He can help those who for whatever reason find themselves stuck in overwhelming and unexpected circumstances. For example, Nora Lam’s story gave me an understanding of God’s care for the widow and the orphan. Her story of staying pregnant for nearly a year while working in a hard labor camp in Communist China is impressive.
Although I did not expect to need rescue, I was willing to accept intervention when it came.
The entire story is one of narcissistic abuse, but this particular incident happened about six months before my final departure from my ex-husband. Those of you who suffer from gallstones understand how painful they can be. One evening at home, I had an incredible attack of pain. It felt like a spear had pierced me just above my navel. My husband at the time refused to take me to the hospital, so I traveled by myself with my twelve-year-old daughter in case something happened. Needless to say, it was a painful drive. I was driving along the back roads at a slow pace, trying to be safe.
An ultrasound quickly diagnosed the problem, and the doctor scheduled surgery soon after. The Sunday before my surgery, I took my four daughters to a church about thirty minutes away in the town where my soon-to-be hospital was located. I visited the little church in Columbia, Kentucky on the recommendation of a friend. After a lively service, I introduced myself to the pastor and his wife, Jim Laverne. Several days later, I drove myself to the hospital. I was a little worried about how I was going to drive myself home after that, but I had no choice. John refused to take me to the hospital, and this surgery was not elective.
The day after surgery, several hours before I was due to go home, Gerald and Laverne came to visit me. I was surprised. After all, I only met them briefly and didn’t tell them about my surgery. However, a friend came to their church, and they came to pray for me.
Before they left, Laverne looked at me and said, “I’ve never said this to anyone before. However, the Lord wants me to tell you that if you find yourself with nowhere to go, you can come to us, you and your children. We have the Lord’s intervention in your life if you want.” that.
I thanked her, though I had no intention of imposing any imposition on the lovely couple, nor did I anticipate the need to. I didn’t yet realize how much intervention I would need.
I spent the next week recovering from surgery, and I healed very quickly, which surprised me. On my first day at work, I picked up the mail. I received the usual meddling birthday check from my in-laws and knowing that food at home was a bit low, I cashed the check and did a little shopping. Previously, my birthday money was always mine to spend, so I didn’t expect any response. After all, I was spending it on groceries.
But one of the signs of an abuser is unpredictability. Unpredictability keeps the victim on his toes, after all. My ex-boyfriend was angry with me, more than usual. His face was red, and he seemed to be struggling to control himself. I was terrified, more terrified than usual for some reason. He had a violent streak, although it was generally directed toward animals rather than humans. I’ve been told this is common. Narcissists are not interested in seeing themselves as wife beaters. He told me to get out. You spent $60 without his permission.
Related : From Trauma Bond to Freedom: Our Family’s Journey
Narcissists, being incapable of love, often hate their victims, although they try to hide it because they fear losing their supply and buffer to the world.
For the first time I saw the mask really slip. I felt hatred boiling in him and knew it wasn’t safe for me to be there.
Then I remembered Laverne’s words. I didn’t have a cell phone at the time, but I did have her address. The girls and I packed up a few things and then we headed out, groceries and all. We have been accepted by a grace that has blessed us. The intervention that God planned in advance was a miracle. We remained a week until some money from my father’s generous interventions enabled us to obtain a small house in the city.
This story doesn’t quite end here. It usually takes up to six times for victims of domestic violence to leave permanently. This is because they evaluate their resources and ability to support themselves. This was certainly true in my case. John, as he usually does, turned on megawatt magic to get us back. I went back against my will but knew I needed more time and strategy if I was going to do it on my own. He was usually able to maintain his good guy act for a couple of months until the emotional and verbal abuse started again. However, I did make him visit the church once while trying to keep me from leaving again.
He knew that Gerald and Laverne had taken me under their wing. The narcissist usually cannot bear others to think poorly of him, and resents their interference. He announces at church, in an attempt to win over the unimpressed Gerald and Laverne, that he will devote his family to God. It was flashy, and was meant to make him seem spiritual. But he allowed God to intervene in his family. I didn’t think much at the time. However, Laverne took careful note. Six months later, I got myself a car and a rental house and took the girls to their new home. I knew I wouldn’t come back. I have filed for separation and divorce.
Gerald and Laverne, tireless in their assistance to a struggling woman they barely knew, came to court with us. After the first date, during which I was granted temporary custody pending the divorce hearing, Laverne pulled me aside. My mind flashed back to that day in church where my ex publicly surrendered his family to God.
“I knew in that moment that you would be free from him,” she said. “God notices such things, and I knew God would hold John accountable for it.”
and has. Even though we had fifty/fifty custody for a time, in the end, the girls didn’t have to see John for over a decade after the divorce was finalized. I wish they’d missed it, because it would have meant there was less of a real relationship there. However, honestly, his absence was the best thing that could have happened to us, allowing us to begin the long healing process.
God’s presence and His special care for me are settled. He knew my great need before I did, and arranged interventions several times for me and my daughters when they needed us most. His intervention was timely, loving, and a miracle for me and my daughters.
