Will you stick to fast food? Won’t you feel very unwell after a while?

So why do people resort to unhealthy relationships, knowing they won’t feel good?

Narcissists seek control, not connection.

Once you get them into a healthy relationship, they can’t swim for long.

Why?

Well, real intimacy isn’t something they’re comfortable with. It’s too demanding, and as a result, they can’t play their usual games.

What are those demands? What are those games?

Look no further!

“But I thought…”

Trust me. I know you believed me.

I know you went into this thinking, “I’ve met someone very special here.”

Related : 6 Phases Of A Relationship With A Narcissist: The Emotional Rollercoaster

I know you met the narcissist and thought, “This person knows me. This is awesome!”

It all seemed healthy and wonderful, but perfection doesn’t exist unless you’re talking about cheesecake.

Initial instincts are usually wrong, and the more time you spend with a narcissist, the more you realize this.

You’ll offer them your own version of the good relationship you know they are, and they’ll exploit all of those aspects. You know what I’m talking about:

Honesty

Vulnerability

Communication

Respect

Love

Affection

Talking

Sharing

Then suddenly—it’s all gone.

Healthy Love? No, thanks!

No.

It’s not the narcissist’s job to want or crave anything healthy, but they don’t really realize it.

They won’t say, “You know what? I hate healthy relationships, so if it’s not for you, I’ll keep hurting you.”

Instead, all they know is unhealthiness.

Unhealthiness is the result of their own needs not being met.

Unhealthiness is the only way they can change the dynamics to suit them when needed.

Things have to stay unhealthy, otherwise there’s not much for the narcissist to gain.

Quick Reminder

Now – I’m going to interrupt you here for a short therapy session.

A reminder that you’re not obligated to stay with someone just because you think things might work out.

You can offer a healthy relationship to someone who deserves it and is special. You know you possess the openness, love, compassion, and kindness that drives you.

Your caring nature is what drives you to search for someone who’s right for you, but you end up with a narcissist.

This unhealthy relationship will only lead to your destruction.

I’d rather see them suffer, than you see yourself.

Love Without Drama? What do you say?!

Back to business!

Don’t we all love “love without drama”?

For those unfamiliar with the concept, I want you to remember all your past relationships, even your childhoods.

Related : 5 Cruel Things A Narcissist Does To Torture You

What made you attracted to the narcissist before it became unhealthy? Now that you know what attracted you, ask yourself this:

Was that also unhealthy?!

Loving overload is toxic, but at the same time, it’s nice to have someone’s attention without feeling like you need to earn it.

Narcissists notice who responds well to their charm and ignore anyone who doesn’t buy into it.

Why Narcissists Avoid Emotional Health

When it comes to emotional health in relationships, there’s a certain avoidance and a sense of “I can’t even understand this.”

At first, your love will never be understood. It will trigger a reaction in them of, “Come on, stop being so weak and vulnerable.”

They see your love as clingy, yet without it, they don’t get the attention they want from you.

That’s how it works with your love. They want it, but then it becomes too intense—too emotional—and they reject it—they reject you. After a while, they need it again, to remember that people can love them.

Narcissists likely weren’t raised in emotionally open and healthy families.

They were often prevented from expressing themselves, which can lead to some emotions becoming almost taboo.

Don’t cry, or I’ll give you a reason to cry!

Stop crying, baby!

Be strong! No one likes a weak person!

Calm down, what makes you so happy/excited?!

Some emotions were bottled up, never to be unlocked, while others were free to escape.

They will have seen plenty of anger, resentment, jealousy, criticism, yelling, rage, entitlement, hatred, and deceit.

You’ll adapt to any environment if you stay in it long enough. This doesn’t mean you like it; it means you know how to behave and what not to say or do to cause trouble.

Narcissists are raised in the style their parents wanted.

Either:

I strive to be the best because nothing else is good enough.

Or

I hide everything I hate about myself and build an empire on my ego.

Or, mostly… both.

Related : 7 Covert Put Downs for Narcissists: How They Subtly Tear You Down

Neither of these are healthy, but both illustrate why healthy relationships are never an option for a narcissist.

Conflict Keeps You Stressed

Narcissists are rarely happy in their relationships, but if you’re ever asked why, expect to be blamed!

Yes, they vehemently deny any wrongdoing. They’re living their lives as best they know how. You’re the reason. You’re not doing enough. And you’re not good enough for them, either.

The one problem narcissists have, and the one that’s at the core of their personality, is their inability to settle safely and happily into a world of love, vulnerability, and trust.

A place where it’s okay to not be perfect. A place where you can love and be loved with the risk of losing everything one day.

And so, there’s conflict. There’s a lot of conflict that keeps you from getting too close, too close.

For you, that means navigating rough waters when all you want to do is relax in a calm sea with your loved one.

“I hurt you, I’m sorry. I’d do it again now…”

Narcissists hurt people, whether you fell in love with them or discovered you were related to them.

They’re never good people, and there’s always something going on that confirms their struggle with healthy relationships.

Related : Is It All About Them? 7 Signs of an Egocentric Personality

As you watch them struggle, you wonder if things will ever change, but they don’t. Narcissists know their limits and when they start to feel too uncomfortable.

This means their apologies are often superficial.

They may apologize so you feel better and stop bothering them, but that doesn’t mean they won’t hurt you again.

See?

This is too much to take in, and I could go on about it forever.

Narcissists aren’t healthy people, so it’s inevitable they won’t like healthy relationships.

Why do you do that when you treat people every day like they’re commodities, not people?