Being ignored by a dating partner is incredibly annoying. Being ignored by a partner is frustrating, ego-crushing, heartbreaking, insecure, and embarrassing. And it doesn’t just happen in romantic relationships. It happens with friends, too.

What is being ignored?

The dictionary defines being ignored as “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by abruptly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.”

Just a few months ago, a friend ignored me. It had been a long time since a friend had last ignored me, and it had left me with the “need to figure out why I’m not good enough/not getting a response.”

Sometimes (usually after a few weeks/months since we were ignored) we discover that the person who ignored us has made a big change — got engaged, had a baby, got that promotion, ran away, met someone who doesn’t look like us, etc., all while we were screenshotting and zooming in with nothing better to do.

Sometimes you go on a couple of dates or have a fun acquaintance for a few lunches and nights out, but eventually, you both stop talking. Or you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable guy who’s always been mysterious and disrespectful to you, so you finally decide to speak up and cut him off. That’s not ignoring, that’s just what happens sometimes in life.

The thing about ignoring in dating, committed relationships, or friendships is that all the time, you assume you have something good until suddenly, you don’t. You have nothing. No explanation, no return call, nothing.

Is it that hard to respond? Is it that easy to pretend we never met? Is it that hard to admit that someone exists (who has never intentionally hurt you in this way)? Is it that cool to be uncool?
Why has disappearing in dating and friendships become an epidemic? Why do people disappear?
And how can you minimize the impact of disappearing and turn yourself into the ultimate ghost hunter?
Here’s Why Disappearance in Dating and Friendships Is an Epidemic + Why People Disappear…

Disappearance doesn’t sound “new age” to me at all. It’s an old-fashioned, silly way to hang out during the amateur hour. It has nothing to do with advances in technology or new generations. Disappearance in dating and friendships happens as much as it does because we live in a world where the real currency and oxygen aren’t money and air. It’s validation and interaction.

Everyone wants to feel validated. But some people are so desperate for validation that they will go to the most unhealthy and cruel ways to get it. Their validation is based on how much reaction they can elicit from people. It’s the only way they can maintain their sense of importance, and continue to hide the one thing they’re trying so hard to protect: their perceived insecurity and worthlessness. If they didn’t feel worthless, they wouldn’t have to make someone else feel worthless by ignoring them.

So, does ignoring happen in dating and friendships just because people want validation for their actions and reactions? No.

But people who need interaction and validation like they need air to breathe are more likely to choose to ignore when they want to end a relationship than to communicate in a decent, mature, and respectful way.

They choose to ignore you not only because they get what they want (ending the relationship), but they also get the added benefit of seeing your reaction. This allows them to see how much control they have over your emotional state.

5 Things to Know About People Who Ignore You:

The ability to ignore and have healthy levels of self-esteem will never coexist. Bottom line: there’s no point in “getting revenge” or planning “revenge by ignoring.” These are people who already feel bad about themselves, to begin with, otherwise, they wouldn’t have to freeze and then run away. The way they feel about themselves deep down is their punishment.

They are the most avoidant people you’ll ever meet. Avoidance is one of those red flags that will never allow a healthy, mutual relationship/connection to develop. Ever.

They ignore their feelings. They avoid conflict and “difficult conversations” to the point where they’d rather disappear with their adult lollipop than have a two-second conversation with kindness and clarity. I mean, how hard is it to say “I’m sorry, but I can’t continue this relationship.”

They are emotionally bankrupt. They can never put themselves in your shoes. Without empathy, you have nothing.

They are emotionally constipated. Because of this, they are only capable of transactions, not relationships.

Understand and acknowledge that the only reason this has had such a devastating and long-lasting effect on you is that you are making your adult emotional amateur hour all about not being “enough.”

If you had healthier levels of self-esteem and self-love… yes, being ignored will hurt but its effects won’t be as long-lasting, impactful, and devastating.

It was incredibly painful when my boyfriend ignored me but at the end of the day, I had to remind myself of the truth:

Even though the relationship ended, I was able to walk away knowing that I was still Natasha, and I am still me. I am a great friend, and any attempt at a real relationship, whether in love or friendship, is always a risk worth taking. What’s not worth taking? Relying on a toxic person to be decent and tying your worth to the subsequent obscenity.

This is how you avoid being a foot mat, a reclusive ice queen, or a stalker looking for closure, and just be: accept who a person is when they show you who they are. And set your boundaries accordingly.

There’s no need to dig and investigate FBI-style, reach out and search for “answers.” The five reasons above will give you more peace than continuing to knock on anyone’s door when they’re closed.