Because the narcissist is in a detached and broken state of mind, the spotlight cannot be understood through the lens of logic or “justice.”

The average person who encounters harsh reality will feel a huge rise in shame, then change their approach to align their inner reality with the outer reality. They empathize with others and think of the common good. Then they try to cooperate in a way that respects their needs and the needs of others as well. They understand the golden rule; That one should treat others as one would like to be treated.

The narcissist does the opposite. The outer reality must be manipulated and altered by any means necessary to support the narcissist’s inner reality. As a result, gaslighting is born in the narcissist.

The chaos behind narcissistic gas lighting
Gaslighting is nothing personal.

The narcissist is broken from within and lost in paranoia, with no coherent sense of self. They often become disconnected when experiencing multiple, conflicting feelings or states. Their inner world is full of chaos, and they struggle to make sense of this confusion.

At the same time, they know that they must be seen as outwardly “normal” and, of course, superior.

Because of the separation, the narcissist also has gaps in his memory. This is a terrifying reality that must be faced, and the only way to fill in the gaps is to create a fantasy of what happened.

There is no logic in mind-boggling narcissistic storytelling. Their sense of self is completely fragmented, with no coherent chain of thoughts, feelings, or narratives. So, they piece the story of Frankenstein together using whatever trick or lie they can come up with.

To avoid the outrageousness of their behavior, the narcissist believes his fantasy as if it were real. In this way, the narcissist does not lie when using gaslighting, but simply creates an “alternative” reality.

Examples highlighting narcissists
Gaslighting of the narcissist manifests itself in the following ways:

Denial: The narcissist will challenge your memory and argue against your interpretation of events. And they will respond with phrases like, “That’s not true,” or, “Are you sure I said that?”
Blame shifting: When you express your annoyance at the abuse, the narcissist will point out your bad behavior. They’ll tell you that if they had a dollar for every time you did the same thing, they’d be a millionaire.
Simplification: a narcissist will tell you, after they have hurt you in some way, that they were just joking. They may call you “too sensitive” or tell you that life is too short to create drama out of nothing.
Diversion: The narcissist may simply try to change the subject, or ask you if you can forget about it and move on. They may shame you by telling you that your relationship could be great if you stopped caring about the little things. By offering you an easy way out of conflict, they make you look like the person who wants trouble.
Compassion: In the middle of calling him out, the narcissist will tell you that he loves you and how terrible it is for you both to be in this situation. This makes you soften, and consider giving him up completely to get back to love.
Darfu
The narcissist cannot bear to see himself as an abuser, because he challenges his self-image as benevolent. As a result, they will do everything they can to explain their behavior and portray you as the persecutor instead.

This is what Jennifer Fried coined the name “DARVO,” which stands for “Denial, Attack, Reverse Roles, Victim, Offender.” It is an insidious form of illumination that narcissists use to avoid their own shadow, by reframing situations to cast themselves as the innocent person.

Again, arguing with the narcissist using logic is meaningless; They are not in the same reality as you.

The narcissist will drag you into a cycle of bullshit by denying or belittling what he did, pointing out your supposed bad behavior, and then drawing attention to himself and the pain he has to suffer because of you.

Projective definition

To maintain his “good” image, the narcissist can only feel emotions that belong to a “superior” person. shame, guilt, sadness, doubt, anger; None of it is acceptable.

Therefore, the narcissist must find a way to secretly project his negative feelings onto others instead. This is another form of shadow denial from gaseous lighting that Melanie Klein calls “projective identification”.

Projective selection is done convincingly, and usually begins as a harmless ‘chat’. As the conversation progresses, the narcissist will slip in his judgments and “insinuate” at the wrong things you do. Then the conversation gradually and casually “drifts” from believable heart-to-heart talk into a hypnotic monologue.

On the surface, you’re locked in a normal conversation. However, using subtext and conversational deflection, the narcissist will make sweeping statements that cast you in a negative light. It’s done so cleverly that you unconsciously take on the “too bad” role and the feelings attached to it while still thinking you’re having a normal conversation.

Interactive abuse

Projective identification is what typically leads to “reactive abuse,” where the target manipulates and acts out the narcissist’s silhouetted feelings—without consciously realizing how it happened.

Eventually, the target awakens from the shock of his release, as before that, slowly but surely, they felt the temperature inside them rise like boiling water, before snapping out of their trappings in the “bad” situation.

Once the target trigger hits, the narcissist jumps up, points his finger, and accumulates judgments to make his point that the target is bad. As such, the narcissist:

He relieves himself of his negative traits and feelings.
acquires the moral high ground, and
promotes their false selves as “all-good”.
Above all, the narcissist forces the target to blame themselves for the argument.

All the while, the target has no idea how it all happened, and is completely unaware that the narcissist has injected him with his toxin. It’s totally insane.

The only way to deal with the drama
Gaslighting often surprises you. All of a sudden, you find yourself in a tailspin, questioning yourself or arguing about a point that doesn’t make much sense. You end up confused, angry and indignant, and question your own reality.

The narcissist’s mind is beyond comprehension.

There is no logic or reason for these episodes. The illumination and drama are merely symptoms of the narcissist’s need to shape reality to fit his own fractured inner state.

avoiding shyness, need for attention, misdirection, boredom, grandiosity, or simply wanting what they want; The motives for gaslighting are numerous. You can rack your brains trying to solve the problem, or you can choose another option: disengage and choose sanity.

Sobriety means taking a deep breath, grounding yourself in your inner truth, and knowing when that’s enough. Madness means staying in the madness washer. It’s a fine line between the two, and it’s always a choice for you to make.