So, you’ve swiped right, exchanged some cutesy banter, and now you’re sitting across from your new crush at her favorite coffee shop.

But between the butterflies of blissful uncertainty and sips of a latte, you have a strange feeling that your crush isn’t who they seem. Could you have stumbled upon a narcissist in the wild?

Here’s how to put on your detective hat and find some clues before you get swept up in your crush’s charms and charms.

The Chronic Headliner

People approach first dates with a variety of wants and intentions. But generally, first dates are about sharing parts of your life, hopes, and values ​​to find common ground. That’s not easy when you can’t get a word out.

Related : How To Spot Narcissists on a First Date? Watch Out For These Red Flags

Imagine being in the middle of sharing a funny anecdote about your furry friend when your crush suddenly takes over. Before you know it, you’re locked in a monologue about their life, without interruption.

Your date seems to be talking over you every time you try to insert yourself into the conversation, and you seem more like an audience member than a participant.

If your date seems more interested in hearing themselves talk than getting to know you, this could be a sign that they’re self-absorbed. Narcissists tend to dominate conversations to ensure that the focus stays on them, where they can receive the admiration and attention they crave.

RelationshipMartyr

Assume that every ex was toxic and every ex-boss refused to play fair. In this case, your date may be telling you something important about themselves: They’re not good at taking responsibility for their actions and instead feel more comfortable playing the victim.

To protect and reaffirm their inflated sense of self-worth, narcissists shift blame onto others, deny responsibility entirely, or use their own negative experiences to justify their bad behavior. They’re the innocent victims in every bad interaction, and their behavior matches the energy of the person who wronged them.

If your potential partner shows signs of being quick to point fingers and slow to apologize, this could indicate a future where they’re always the hero and you’re always the villain, eroding the potential for trust and growth in the relationship.

LoveBombing

Excessive attention, compliments, and affection in the early stages of a relationship is fine at first, but it can also be a red flag for manipulative behavior.

If your date is exaggerating—telling you they’ve never felt this way before, bombarding you with constant texts and calls, and planning expensive future dates before the appetizers arrive—proceed with caution.

There’s a chance your date will suddenly change course once they’re certain you’ve won the dating lottery. Lovebombing is often a way to avoid real vulnerability.

Narcissists hide behind this illusion of intimacy and connection, leaving their partners more likely to question and blame themselves once the affection dries up.

EmpathyGap

A hallmark of narcissism is a profound lack of empathy. It may seem unfair to pin such a damning trait on someone on a first meeting, but red flags will show themselves in subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle ways. Pay close attention to how they react when you open up to them.

Your partner may seem distracted, unengaged, or unresponsive, especially when you’re the one talking to them. They fail to ask follow-up questions or show genuine curiosity about your life.

How quickly do they turn the conversation to themselves? They may react dismissively or insensitively when you share a particularly vulnerable experience.

Your partner may seem charming and engaging on the surface, but has their manner with the waiter bothered you? If so, it may be a sign that they’re more focused on themselves and less on how their behavior affects the people around them.

RuleBreakerRogue

Boundaries are an important part of a budding relationship. Communicating your boundaries is like sharing your blueprint for successful and safe coexistence. Narcissists tend to ignore boundaries—whether that means breaking social norms or pushing your boundaries.

They may insist on ordering you dinner without showing interest in your preferences. Your partner may intrude on your personal information without sharing their own vulnerabilities. In addition to dominating the conversation, they can invade your personal space without considering your comfort level.

Their lack of empathy, sense of entitlement, and need for control prevents them from seeing you as an independent individual or an equal partner. You’ll find yourself being treated like an extension of your date.

Related ; Six Unexpected Ways Narcissists Change Your Life!

They can push you into uncomfortable situations and invalidate your response. “Why are you so sensitive?” or “This is no big deal.”

Narcissists may ignore or disrespect boundaries on a first date to test your level of compliance. They need to make sure you’re being manipulated, so they satisfy their own needs by pushing boundaries without regard for their date’s feelings or autonomy.

EchoChamber

Narcissists can be so overly charming that you wonder if you’ve met a complete stranger or a perfect version of yourself.

Do you want to have a family? They can’t wait to become parents but don’t have long-term relationships. You’ve always dreamed of traveling the world. Well, they’ve been planning a round-trip for years, waiting to find the right person to share this adventure with.

You’re having a hard time finding areas where your beliefs, goals, and values ​​diverge, yet you feel like you haven’t learned anything unique about your date. This matching behavior is designed to win your admiration and approval while masking the narcissist’s true nature.

FinalThoughts

No one is perfect, and not everyone with a big personality or a penchant for talking about themselves is a narcissist. It’s also unfair to diagnose someone based on a first date alone—when you’re both nervous, uncertain, and a little uncomfortable. But that sick feeling in your stomach is too important to ignore.

The people we let into our lives have the power to change us, lift us up, and hurt us. Empower yourself to trust your instincts by recognizing the traits you want in a partner and the traits you’d be happier to avoid.

We all deserve transparency in our dealings with our partners, because getting to know someone, their flaws, and their dreams, while having a safe place to share yours, is one of the most beautiful parts of the human experience. Protect your experience fiercely.