I was unaware of financial abuse for the first few years of my marriage. I knew, of course, that the absolute control my ex had over our money wasn’t right. It wasn’t until I encountered a domestic violence poster in a public restroom in Big Bear, California, that I realized there was a name, financial abuse, that was the cause of my suffering and slavery.

No one discusses the long-term effects of narcissistic financial abuse. Just when we think we’ve healed, another little well of pain opens up for us to explore and drain. For me, money is one of those deep wells. After my divorce, I found myself suffering from starvation syndrome. I couldn’t feel safe unless I had a pantry full of food. The shortages I experienced during my marriage to my first husband affected my ability to handle money. Even having money on me made me feel uncomfortable. I’ve been trained to always expect a narcissistic inquisition. I didn’t know how to get money.

So this list is not completely exhaustive but it is comprehensive enough that if you have ever experienced narcissistic financial abuse, you will recognize these signs.
Personal Financial Abuse: The narcissist will:

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Have a lot of fun destroying your personal belongings, especially those that mean a lot to you. My ex burned all my poetry from the graduate program. I haven’t been able to recover copies for two decades.
Stealing from you and other family members. I didn’t learn until twenty years after we were married that he had stolen checks from his father to fund our honeymoon.
Allocate any money or gifts to you. I was never allowed to keep or spend any birthday gifts for myself. He once kicked me and my daughters out because I spent the $100 his parents gave me for my birthday on groceries.
Strict control of all aspects of money. Even though I was the sole worker for the majority of our marriage, financial abuse by my ex would destroy my wallet for Diet Coca-Cola receipts on days I worked 12 hours or more. He once threw a tantrum over my purchases of potatoes for 10 cents a pound more than he allowed.
Refuse to pay your bills. After I left, my credit was destroyed because he refused to pay my medical bills.

Institutional financial abuse:

Open secret bank accounts or deny you access to funds or records. I later found out that he had income and savings that I knew nothing about. He hid them, expecting a divorce.
Open credit cards in your name. I have a friend whose ex-wife did this, and after the marriage ended, she found herself with tens of thousands of dollars in debt. All the while, he claimed to be receiving rewards.
Lying about debts and hiding their finances. They often blame their victims for bad spending habits to distract from their expenses.
Opening credit accounts in the names of their children.

Taxes:

Many narcissists refuse to pay taxes at all. They will attack the government and hide their money in illegal tax evasion schemes.
Committing tax fraud through various methods – declaring additional dependents and additional expenses.
Secretly deplete tax savings or retirement accounts.

employment:

Prevent their victims from working. One of my most painful memories is getting my first teaching job and having my car keys taken away from me. I had to quit before I even started, and left college without a teacher on the first day of school.
Sabotaging educational opportunities. I am very fortunate to be able to obtain a master’s degree. I think the only reason he allowed it was because I was receiving free lessons and a small stipend for teaching. However, I was not allowed to continue for my PhD. Even though I was accepted into a top-tier school.
He harasses you at work or undermines you with your coworkers or boss.

I remember Smaug, the dragon in The Hobbit. So he sat on his pile of gold and preserved it for her alone. The real motive behind greed is not the use of resources. It is in having resources at the expense of others. Greed hoards money for itself. Greed enjoys the power of money while caring little for the things it can buy. Greed cares about the things themselves. The greedy find pleasure in many possessions.

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My ex fell into the greedy category even though he made sure he got what he wanted. However, he doesn’t seem to care about fancy clothes or furnishings. Control, especially of money, is what financial exploitation is all about.

One of the things I love about Jesus is that his relationship with money is one of trust and abundance. He gives and takes without measure. But if you or someone you love is recovering from the trauma of financial exploitation, expect it to take some time. The feeling of poverty resulting from financial abuse can become deeply ingrained in one’s psyche. For years, even discussing finances with my now, wonderful husband would cause me so much anxiety that I would become extremely angry. Not on him, mind you, but in general. It was a protective response as if my body was fighting a battle my mind had already lost.

Now I realize that financial exploitation can cause PTSD. Those angry times were more or less flashbacks. I am recovering from a chronic lack of mindset and frequently throwing myself into the river of life. I believe this is the meaning of Matthew 13:12:

And whoever has it, it will increase and it will increase. And whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.