Feeling Lonely & Isolated? Here’s How To Deal With Loneliness

Loneliness is a vicious cycle. It happens when we feel like we can’t express our truth.

Whenever I find myself out of a situation where I’m constantly being criticized (in a destructive way) and constantly seeking validation for what I’m saying, there’s a part of me that feels so relieved—even if I’m sad about the ending.

It’s like stretching an inflexible body. Sure, you’ll feel uncomfortable when you stretch at first (it can be painful at times). But as you stretch, certain muscles finally relax amidst the muscles that are causing temporary discomfort due to the stretch.

When it comes to your emotional muscles, detachment from the chaos is the ultimate exhale, however, the surrounding muscles (your triggers) will be tested and cause pain.

And if you don’t know how to give that pain purpose, you’ll start to feel lonely and depressed; like you’re socially isolated even when you’re surrounded by chatty people.

This quarantine has literally cut you off from life as you knew it.

It has removed much of the chaos from our daily lives and replaced it with a kind of uncertainty that would make anyone miss even the most dysfunctional and temporarily nonexistent aspects of existence.

Related : How To Enjoy Your Own Company When You Feel Like You Have No One

Yet somewhere, deep down inside you… there is a comfort to be found, a certainty to be applied, a peace to be experienced. There is a light within that no matter how much you fear, others bullshit, and your own insecurities, it cannot be completely extinguished.

The purpose of this post is to help you amplify that light. I cannot do that for you. Nor can your friends and family, or a course, or a seminar, or a TED Talk.

Only you can do that.

I am not a fan of sensationalism, fearmongering, or dramatization, but I am a fan of acknowledging that an unprecedented time like this is going to present you with exactly what everyone else (including you) is made of. And that reality can be shocking and very sad. It can also cause shame and anger.

How can your best friend be so needy right now?

How can you be so needy, so angry, so irritable?

How could this family member blow up in your face like this for no reason?

Why does your toxic ex now realize what’s really important? And how are you supposed to trust him/her?

You’re so alone.

And when you’ve felt this alone in the past, at least you were able to go out and do whatever you couldn’t do temporarily.

When it comes to dealing with loneliness, Mother Teresa once said:

“The greatest disease in the West today is not tuberculosis or leprosy; it is the feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. “We can cure physical illnesses with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love…”

I totally agree with this statement, but if you’re struggling in the love department, the absence of love (love of self and love of others) makes loneliness seem like it’s going to kill you. This creates fear and before we know it…

We’re given second chances we never earned, benefits of the doubt that aren’t necessary, and we’re allowing our loneliness to not only lower our standards but also compromise our health—mentally and physically.

Loneliness is a very common feeling. However, because its root cause varies, it is unique to each individual. There is no “common cause of loneliness.” This makes the path to overcoming it uncommon (and different) for everyone.

As varied as the causes have been throughout my life when it comes to loneliness, these reminders have helped me amplify the light I feel…

How to Deal with Loneliness and Isolation

We are taking precautions we never did before when it comes to our health. Let this time serve as a reminder that we are vulnerable and vulnerable when it comes to our mental health. We need to be as alert and quick to act when smoke (red flags) always leads to a fire, as we are when a sneeze comes our way.

Related : 7 warning signs you’re dealing with a manipulator or narcissist

During times of distress, it is completely natural to think about the people we can get nothing more than a crumb. We know that the current situation will work to our advantage in getting us another crumb (maybe two?) of the attention, empathy, validation, response, and care that we were never able to get consistently in a relationship with them. Emotional yearning creeps in and we become vulnerable. And when we become vulnerable, we forget that crumbs are all these people can offer. Our hunger for connection which we know they are incapable of, translates to them that we feel more comfortable being their option than our only option. This is a time to come together, to support ourselves, and to appreciate the good—not to make fools of ourselves and wonder if the current circumstances can turn the grass into a rose. Don’t start thinking, “I feel so alone; I am so lonely and life is short! He/she can change; I know it. In The Notebook, Allie went back to Noah. This is a sign to give him/her another chance.” Breaking news: Life was short two months ago, and it shouldn’t take a global pandemic for someone to realize your worth, Allie went back to Noah because he/she was someone who proved he/she was worth having. He never humiliated her.

Feeling lonely is normal—especially when coupled with the kind of emotional isolation we’re currently experiencing. Isolation is scary, but through isolation, I was able to completely change my mindset and my life years ago. Isolation and solitude have a lot of firepower. Instead of letting them paralyze you emotionally and keep you humble and hopeless, use them to sharpen your focus and gain the kind of self-esteem that only discipline (keeping promises you make to yourself) can provide. I had to isolate myself years ago to change—to change my beliefs, to silence the outside noise that was robbing me of life, and to gain the perspective I needed to grow after all those who doubted me.

When life feels like a whirlwind, remember: There are elements that you will forever be in control of. How you respond rather than react, what you eat, your core beliefs, and your physical activity—they’re all under your control. Learning to enjoy your own company starts with taking full control of these aspects of your life. Give in to your triggers, and you risk further diminishing your self-esteem. Choose wisely.

You will overcome loneliness by making others feel less alone. I am living proof of that. I reach out to people all over the world, every day. Reach out to as many people as you can and help them.

And remember, everything has an end… everything.

Make sure that when this period is over, you emerge a survivor instead of a victim; validated instead of reliant on validation, and sensitive to toxicity instead of drawn to it.

The new year may be eight months away, but the time to make these resolutions is now.

We are together and you will never be alone.