how many friends you have?
five? ten? Maybe 40.
In the age of Facebook and Snapchat, it all feels like a numbers game: the more popular you are, the more friends and followers you have online.
But here’s the thing:
Quantity is never a good indicator of quality.
You may have reached the Facebook limit of 5,000 friends but feel like you’re still alone.
Sometimes, you don’t even get messages from the people you think are close to you.
But do you know what’s the worst?
Having fake friends.
In my experience, these are the people who associate themselves with you for the wrong reasons. Even if you expect to have a good time, you are bound to end up having a terrible experience with these supposedly good friends.
A friendship with a fake friend can also be described as a toxic friendship.
According to Kelly Campbell, a professor of psychology at California State University, “a toxic friendship is one that violates the norms and expectations of friendship.”
“Friends should have your best interests at heart, stand up for you in your absence, keep your secrets, treat you with respect, be trustworthy and supportive, and be happy about your successes,” she says.
According to Campbell, when these standards are not held, it becomes a “toxic friendship”.
I tend to agree with this.
So how do you spot the fake friend from the real one?
Here are what I think are 5 common signs:
1) They do not tolerate differences of opinion
See, good friends are always joking and arguing over petty and serious matters.
Fake friends discuss these matters too, but here’s the difference:
They won’t let you win.
These “friends” won’t let you rest until they show you how absolutely right they are.
Somehow, they know the full context and have all the right opinions.
In other words:
Fake friends need full, unearned support, and there is no room for compromise.
Bustle’s Stephanie Safran says this is a clear sign of a toxic boyfriend:
And you know what?
This is bad for your emotional and mental well-being.
You should have a way to express your opinions without being harassed. If your opinion is discriminatory, you should be reprimanded in a peaceful manner.
And if they are the ones saying really offensive things, they should also confess.
Unfortunately, fake friends have this problem:
They find it difficult to accept that they are wrong. It’s like you’re there to please them the whole time.
You are not their friend.
In reality:
You are just someone who is expected to echo his opinions. And if you continue to disagree with them, they will stop talking to you until you ask for forgiveness.
2) They make excuses and break their promises
There is a very popular saying about friendship.
Something like this happens:
“True friends will always have your back.”
Although this is not entirely true, because even the best of friends have many responsibilities, it still helps us understand why we want to have true friends.
On the other hand, your fake friends won’t care.
Absolutely.
And you know what?
We got it. It’s totally understandable to decline an invitation to hang out if you’re busy. Friends should not force friends to participate in social activities.
But to always be unavailable?
This is a hallmark of fake friends.
According to Dana Peters, a life, wellness, and recovery coach, “If you are needy and notice a pattern of your friend making excuses or simply disappearing — you may be in a toxic friendship.”
If you have fake friends in your life who bully you, you simply have to learn how to stand up for yourself.
Because you have a choice.
Most importantly, it will teach you a powerful framework that you can start applying today to truly free yourself from fake and toxic people.
Full disclosure: I have watched this 60-minute tutorial myself and have found it to be very valuable as a way to improve my own relationships.
The thing is, Rudá Iandê is not your typical shaman.
While he spends time with the indigenous tribes of the Amazon, singing shamanic songs and beating his drums, he is different in an important way. He made Rhoda shamanism relevant to modern day society.
He communicates and interprets his teachings to people who lead regular lives. People like you and me.
3) You are just an emotional outlet for them
We’ve all had this experience:
After class or work, you meet your best friend and talk about anything and everything.
You ask each other questions:
“how is work?”
“Have you seen anyone you’re attracted to today?”
“What book are you reading now?”
The point is, you both share moments with each other.
Both of you feel light and rich – knowing that someone is willing to listen to you, and vice versa.
So what’s the deal with fake friends?
Well, they still listen to your ranting and raving. And you are all ears when it comes time to speak out.
But here’s the problem:
They are more eager to scream than to rave when they are with you. Even worse, they listen to your advice they asked for – but they won’t actually change their ways.
In short: you’re just there so they can vent it all off.
