The end of a relationship with a narcissist will be painful. The best defense is to anticipate what is coming. Predicting their reaction to the breakup will not be difficult, as the behaviors you dealt with from the narcissist in your relationship will be the same at the end of the relationship, but amplified.
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Here’s one thing a narcissist always does at the end of a relationship, according to YourTango experts:
- He blames you
The narcissist always blames you for the breakdown of the relationship. No matter what happened, it was your fault. If they cheat, it’s your fault. If there’s no money left, it’s your fault. The narcissist will never accept responsibility for his or her role.
Some narcissists will do everything they can to provoke you into leaving or filing for divorce. Why? So they can play the martyr and portray you as a sincerely evil person. This is especially useful as they pursue their next goal. They refer to you as your “psycho ex” while trying to make the new target feel sorry for them.
- Donna Anderson, author, relationship coach
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- Coordinates a narrative where they appear as a victim
In the aftermath of an affair, the narcissist will often orchestrate a story in which they appear as the victim. This is a sophisticated psychological maneuver rooted in their deep need to maintain self-esteem and control perceptions. They subtly rewrite the history of the relationship, placing themselves in the role of the injured party. This behavior is not just about asking for sympathy; It is a strategic move to deflect criticism and maintain the facade of infallibility.
By manipulating the story, they not only evade responsibility for any relationship breakdown but also position themselves to gain support and validation from those around them. This tactic can be particularly harmful because it often leaves the real victim doubting his or her experiences and feelings.
-Clare Wiseman, MRAS/SUDCC II The Wiseman Method and founder of Domus Retreat
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- Converts gas light into torch energy
The most important thing for a narcissist is to feel controlled by you. They probably put the spotlight on you in the relationship anyway — but when the relationship ends, that spotlight may reach new, ugly levels of awfulness because they can’t bear to lose control. They may put all the blame on you, make you feel as if you can’t live without them, threaten to hurt themselves, promise you that they will change, and generally blurt out what they think will influence you or manipulate you into staying with them. Get away from them as quickly as possible!
- He refuses to acknowledge his role in anything
blame you. It is difficult, if not impossible, for people with narcissistic personality disorder to see themselves. Don’t expect them to acknowledge the role they played in the demise of your relationship. Maybe they won’t be self-reflective. They will likely blame you for every negative thing that ever happened, gaslight you, and won’t apologize. It’s okay, you can walk away.
You can dance around a narcissist’s breakup tactics when you know the steps and moves he will make. Remember, the person you’re breaking up with has already done the wrong blaming, shaming, and playing the victim, so whatever fancy twists and turns they try to pull off during the breakup will be the same. If it takes two, you can be the one to finish it.
