Do you often ask, “Are you okay?” or “Are you angry with me?” If you find yourself either asking or receiving these questions, you may be stuck in a behavioral pattern called emotional monitoring.
Emotional monitoring is where a person constantly scans the emotions of others to regulate their responses, which can lead to emotional exhaustion and communication problems.
But it is possible to break this cycle; It starts with knowing what the signs look like and intentionally changing our ways when we see them.
#What is emotional monitoring in a relationship?
Emotional monitoring differs from empathy or people-pleasing because it involves obsessing over others’ feelings before and after interacting with them, as well as adjusting one’s actions based on perceived cues rather than actual feelings.
This constant need for external validation coupled with an excessive focus on another person’s mood can begin during childhood and continue throughout adulthood resulting in sabotage of various areas of life, especially relationships.
Related: Woman Seeks Advice After Her ‘Narcissistic’ Mother Announces Her Baby’s Name Before She Does
Recognize the signs of emotional surveillance in a relationship
Some common indicators that someone is romantically controlling are:
Excessive worry about what others might think or feel
– Inability to stay present while talking face-to-face
Relying on frequent emotional reassurance
Failure to calm down without help from another person
Difficulty expressing oneself honestly
Changing how a person feels depending on what others think
Giving more importance to the feelings of others than to one’s feelings.
#How do we stop emotional surveillance?
Getting out of emotional control requires taking deliberate action toward changing patterns of behavior and thoughts, so here are some steps we can take to do so:
1. Raising awareness
Over the next few days, monitor your habits regarding this matter. Notice how often you monitor other people’s emotions and the impact this has on your interactions with them.
Pay attention whenever phrases like, “Are you okay?” They escape your mouth without much thought behind them or when such statements reveal themselves as assumptions about people’s attitudes toward you.
2. Perform a self-examination
People who monitor their emotions spend most of their time looking outward, neglecting periods of introspection.
Set aside a few minutes each day for personal evaluation, either by writing down thoughts in a journal or just being alone with yourself. Redirecting attention towards one’s own emotions thus promoting greater self-awareness.
3. Enhance emotional resilience
Instead of rushing to fix someone’s bad mood, practice tolerance and understanding. Provide support where appropriate but also give them space to freely express their feelings while withholding any form of condemnation of these feelings when they seem irrelevant or inexplicable.
This exercise teaches us that feelings are constantly changing without needing to intervene at all times.
4. Accept flaws
We must appreciate that overcoming emotional surveillance occurs gradually, and mistakes are bound to occur along the way.
Instead of striving for perfection, acknowledge whenever a person relapses into old behaviors and then gently shift the focus back on track. As we embark on this path toward better ship connectivity, may patience be our companion.
5. Build trust through communication
When we allow people a space where they can experience different emotions without interruption, it creates closeness between them as well as trust between the parties involved…
Believing that individuals possess the ability to handle personal feelings strengthens bonds while encouraging honesty from both parties. Giving up control reveals the self and thus enables authentic relationships to flourish.
We can get stuck in harmful relationship patterns through emotional surveillance that drains us and hinders communication, but we need to get out of this cycle by understanding this cycle and putting effort into it.
We can have more trusting relationships if we learn to see the signs and reflect on our feelings; We become tougher at heart and accept imperfection so that others can be honest with us as well.
When one gives up trying to make another person feel or do something they don’t want, closeness becomes possible. Although it may take a lot of energy, these deep connections bring invaluable rewards.
Realizing the reality of emotional surveillance releases connections that change lives forever.
