A little jealousy in a relationship isn’t necessarily harmful, in fact, it can be a nice reminder that your partner loves you.
But what happens when this jealousy begins to take over and affect everyday life?
This is when things can start to spiral out of control and turn into abusive behaviour.
In this article, we will explore 12 important signs of excessive jealousy in your partner that you should not ignore. I’m also going to share a great resource to ultimately support you and your partner, so let’s jump right in:
1) They are overly possessive
One of the first signs to look for in a partner who is extremely jealous is possessiveness.
This might start as “protection”… like wanting to accompany you when you go out to meet friends at night, for example.
But it will soon become clear when you can’t do anything on your own anymore!
A jealous partner may take it to an extreme by not wanting to share you with your family and friends – they may resort to picking fights or making you feel bad for not including them in your plans.
And when you do get to spend some time away from them, the following is likely to happen…
2) They check you up constantly
Let’s say you’re out with your friends, and your partner knows where you are and what time you’ll be back.
That should be enough, right?
After all, you are an adult, you can take care of yourself!
But no – if you’re dealing with someone who’s overly jealous, they’ll call and text you multiple times whenever you walk out the front door.
Even when you’re at work, they’ll cross the line and want to know who you had lunch with and why it took you so long to respond to their last (10) messages.
Simply put – they want to know exactly where you are and who you’re with (think Emily from Friends).
3) There are “rules”
In addition to constantly checking you up, an overly jealous partner will also enforce certain rules that dictate what you can and cannot do… for example:
Who do you see?
Who are you allowed to talk to?
Who are you allowed to make friends with on social media
Where you may or may not go
Ultimately, a jealous partner wants to maintain some form of control over you, and by setting rules, they can achieve that.
But it’s not healthy, which indicates a) a lack of confidence, and b) a deep-seated insecurity on your partner’s part.
4) They often accuse you of flirting
Another sign that you should not ignore is if your partner is constantly accusing you of flirting…
For example, a waiter brings your food, smiles politely, and says thank you—before you know it, you’re being accused of imagining it.
It is important to know that you are not doing anything wrong.
If your partner is extremely jealous, it’s normal for them to view every interaction you have with the opposite sex as flirtatious or inappropriate.
But I understand, when you’re constantly experiencing this, it can make you doubt yourself and even wonder if you’re pulling off a fun sexual vibe!
5) They check your phone and socials
Social media is a jealous partner’s worst nightmare.
It’s also another sign to look out for…if your partner:
Controls who you communicate with online
He wants to know your passwords
It goes through your messages
These are all major red flags.
Not only does it show a lack of trust and respect on their part, but it can also make you feel violated. After all, your mobile phone and social media are for your personal and private use.
And while sharing a password with a partner is unusual, it should be your choice and not something you feel oblig
I already gave an example of smiling to a waiter/waitress in a restaurant, but the truth is that it can extend to any situation.
A friend of mine once told me that her boyfriend accused her of incest because she hugged her younger brother “for too long”…
Another said her partner tempted her to ask a man on the street for directions when they got lost on holiday.
So, if your partner seems to blow off normal, innocent interactions, that’s a red flag that you should definitely watch out for.
7) They try to control your appearance
Is your partner trying to control your appearance?
They may laugh with you whenever you do a haircut or put on makeup.
They may also accuse you of dressing a certain way just to get attention (instead of realizing that it’s just your style).
The truth is, your partner will act this way because they don’t want anyone else to find you attractive.
This is another sign to be aware of, as it indicates jealousy that has crossed over to the extreme side.
Again, this comes down to their own insecurities and trust issues!
8) They don’t trust you and don’t believe you
Is your partner constantly suspicious?
We have already established that if they display the signs above, they have trust issues.
But this can come across as never believing what you’re saying.
If you tell them someone is just a friend, they will keep moving on until they get the answer they are looking for, regardless of whether or not it is the truth!
This can lead you to feel that you have to lie.
You might avoid telling them certain things, even completely innocent things, simply because you don’t want to deal with the barrage of questions that will follow.
9) They need constant reassurance
Continuing from the previous point, if your partner is feeling overly jealous, they will probably want constant reassurance.
I once dated a guy who constantly asked me if I found my co-workers more attractive than he did.
It became so stressful, that I stopped hanging out with any male friends or colleagues.
Sure, we all need a little validation in our relationships, but if your partner is always needing reassurance, that’s a sign that something isn’t quite right.
10) They have a quick temper
Another sign that you should never ignore is if your partner has a hot temper.
This can be a sign of jealousy if they’re usually quite comfortable, but go from 0-100 when you feel threatened by an attractive person walking past or when you’re talking to a shop assistant.
It’s also something to be careful about – a quick temper can easily turn into verbal or physical abuse, especially when it’s so easy to stir!
11) They play with your feelings
And speaking of abuse — manipulating your emotions is another sign that your partner might be overly jealous.
This might look like this:
Guilt makes you do what they want (i.e. dress a certain way)
It makes you feel bad to go out without them
Made you feel worthless (to break your self-esteem)
Pretending to be upset to prevent you from seeing friends or family
This is a common tactic used by jealous people, but believe it or not, it has more to do with them feeling in control than anything you’ve done.
By playing with your feelings, they get what they want, no matter how you feel!
12) They constantly threaten to end the relationship
And finally, you’re dealing with a very jealous partner if he continues to threaten to end the relationship whenever you do something he doesn’t like.
Let’s say you want to go to your work party for Christmas, but your partner doesn’t want you. Instead of sitting rationally and talking about it, you will likely:
He accuses you of wanting to flirt with your co-workers
Overreact to the whole situation
He threatened to break up with you if I went
This is another form of abuse and emotional manipulation, and you honestly don’t have to put up with it!
We all deserve to be free and feel safe within our relationships, without the threat of separation looming over us doing normal, everyday things.
So, now we have covered the 12 signs that your partner is being overly jealous, what should you do about it?
How to deal with an overly jealous partner
The truth is, there’s not much you can do in this situation and you haven’t already tried it.
Now, you may have wasted months or even years trying to reassure your partner, gain his trust, and prove your love to him.
And none of them worked because the issues, jealous of them, come from within them. You really have nothing to do with it.
Therefore, real change cannot happen until they make that decision to get help.
And this can take some time – so my advice is to protect yourself first and foremost. Get yourself out of the relationship before it gets bad (and it will).
