Identifying emotional abuse before it happens is key to breaking the cycle. Don’t let toxic behaviors go unnoticed – take note of the 6 signs!
It takes courage to speak out about domestic violence, yet so many suffer in silence. From a hairdresser whose husband nearly strangled her to death, to a friend of a friend who has endured years of threats from her boyfriend, millions of people live every day with this insidious danger.
This is why I am sharing my story because silence only perpetuates violence. We need to speak up, demand better, and learn to identify emotional abuse in a relationship.
I am passionate about my bike, it is my absolute joy. But when I met a boy who shared my passion, I fell fast and hard. The problem was that I ignored the red flags convinced I could change him.
I lied to myself, my standards dropped, and my life became a living hell. But my bike, my loyal friend, refused to let me suffer in silence. It took me a hard fall to wake up and see the truth.
I endured hospitalization, a wired jaw, and unimaginable trauma, but it was the emotional abuse that kept me from him forever. Now, I know what love is, and the abusive behaviors that go with it.
So how is emotional abuse recognized in a relationship or any relationship, whether romantic or platonic?
Identify emotional abuse before it happens
- Hanging out on a regular basis, right from the start
Being too tight-lipped can be a tricky marker for identifying emotional abuse, and here’s why. In our fast-paced world, we’re used to instant gratification in all aspects of life, including relationships. Fusion culture is the norm, and anything else seems old-fashioned.
Abusers, who are initially charming and free-spirited, take advantage of this mentality. They make their partners believe that constant teamwork is essential to fidelity. During this intense phase, they established a dependency where I relied on their opinions and habits to validate my value as a partner.
They have also pushed for major commitments such as relocating or sharing finances. The fast pace made it easier to move forward, but it was all a trick to controlling my actions and limiting my options when the abuse began. I felt guilty whenever I expressed hesitation at the pace of things.
- Create isolation.
If you’re wondering how to define emotional abuse, well, most abusers thrive on maintaining a power imbalance, often resorting to isolating their partners in various ways.
This includes threats of loneliness if you dare to leave, manipulation of your perception of friends and family, and berating you for asking for support.
When you try to leave them, they may try to manipulate you and guilt you into staying, claiming that you won’t find anyone better or that you’re making a huge mistake. They may play the victim and make you feel responsible for their safety, trying to plant fear and doubt in your mind.
- Extreme jealousy
At the beginning of our relationship, I mistook my partner’s jealousy for exclusivity, thinking it was a sign of their strong feelings for me. However, she fails to realize that this jealousy stems from deep-seated insecurities.
Over time, toxic habits became the norm, including intrusive behaviors like checking my phone daily, demanding details about encounters with other men, and controlling what I wore.
My partner was constantly making up stories about me cheating, resulting in outbursts of rage over insignificant interactions from the past. In public, he would yell at me, assuming I was involved with someone based on minimal evidence.
Read : 6 Ways To Build Emotional Resilience
- Ignoring your possessions, ambitions, and goals
Abusers ignore your possessions, your aspirations, and your values. They see you as an extension of themselves, ignoring your individuality and rights.
Boundaries blur in such relationships when the abuser accuses their partner of sneaking out to meet someone when they are attending a meeting alone or using their partner’s car despite being asked not to.
Kind words about their partner’s career choices can turn lukewarm when the relationship ends, and money owed is often ignored.
- Self-harm
One sign of emotional abuse is that abusers often deny their abusive behavior by portraying themselves as the victim. They attribute their actions to others and refuse to take responsibility.
Thus, they constantly blame their ex-girlfriends, family members, and friends, while considering themselves flawless. In my experience, my abuser would constantly blame me during conflicts, refusing to apologize while expecting an apology from me.
Read : How Childhood Trauma Secretly Creates Narcissists
- Not interested in self-help
Abusers prey on sympathetic individuals and those with a savior complex. They manipulate their partners into believing that they are the only ones who truly understand them, allowing their partners to try and “fix” them. - Toward the end of the relationship, abusers may use this dynamic as a threat to keep their partners, claiming that they should always be there for them. In my situation, I suggested anger management to my partner, offered to go with him and even paid for it.
- However, he refused, revealing the distinction between someone who is genuinely asking for help and a true abuser who would rather find a new victim.
- Far from complete, this list is only a scratch of the web’s complex surface and abuse cycle. It gets even more complicated when it’s intertwined with factors like substance abuse, family history, and mental illness—all present in my previous relationship.
- But let’s not dwell on it. I’m here to highlight the telltale signs of emotional abuse, a topic that’s often overlooked because it lacks the visible scars of physical abuse. Now, I will not claim to be perfect or deny that I may have exhibited qualities that enabled abuse at times.
- Helping someone get better can be fun, but I’ve learned that uplifting has to be mutual in any relationship. Anything less is a one-way ticket to self-destruction, draining your energy of others until you have nothing left for yourself.
- Emotional abuse can sneak up on you, disguised as love and adoration. But it is a slow poison that can leave you doubting yourself and draining your energy.
Don’t be fooled by the fleeting good times; He recognizes the bad and leaves. For me, cycling was the key to redeeming those good feelings. Remember, if someone or something is bringing you down, remove it and wipe it away.
Read : How Overthinking Affects Your Life (and 6 Ways To Stop)
