In the past, I was very insecure about myself, which is why I would always ask myself “Does he love me?” in every relationship I was in. I was like that in my friendships, my school life, and my business relationships too. My attitude toward everyone in my life was always changing because I was always changing to accommodate and please them at the expense of a life that was no longer officially mine.

I had no idea who I was or what I was capable of. My worth was measured exclusively by validation and acceptance from others.

Despair quickly set in. I became overly paranoid/insecure/jealous, painfully aware of all the things I did wrong, painfully unaware of all the red flags and blindfolds, and obsessed with myself in the sense that everything was always my fault.

WhyCan’tThisBeEasier?

Why do I have to ask “Does he love me?”

Isn’t it supposed to be easier?

Yes, it is.

I used to make a lot of excuses for:

Selfish behavior from toxic, bad people.
The anxiety (basically an allergic reaction) I feel in their presence.

Their mixed signals, the cheating, the disloyalty, the lies I always blame myself for “forcing” them to do.

In the years of writing here on the blog, coaching thousands of clients around the world, and reading all your comments and emails, I’ve noticed this is a common theme.

Related : 9 types of people you should never trust in life

We make excuses for bullshit because surrendering with dignity (we don’t know how to ignite it) hurts more than trying to figure out if we’re “good enough” to make the cat bark. We take online tests and become obsessed with trying to figure out how much they like us. The more desperate we feel, the more we try to convince ourselves that this is just another shade of gray.

And after we’ve wasted more time, we’re still wondering, “Does he like me?”

Letting ambiguity become your clarity is challenging your being to give you all the signals you need to protect yourself and move on.

It’s just as unintelligent as pulling the petals of “Does he like me?” From the daisy and going for whatever it falls on.

We try to complicate something so simple. In relationships of any kind, your instincts will know the truth.

However, our emotions, our triggers, and our hearts are not that simple. I still get confused and find myself wondering/obsessing about what’s going on. Even though it’s no longer about romantic relationships and friendships, I found myself doing this with a new work relationship last month.

If you’re wondering, “Does he love me?” Here are 30 signs that he’s serious about you and your relationship…

1. He treats you as the only person who cares about you emotionally—not just a temporary option in a miserable thirst vortex.
2. You never feel anxious or afraid to express your feelings. You don’t feel the risk of him backing away, being afraid, ignoring you, judging you, or abandoning you because you’ve expressed your feelings respectfully.
3. He doesn’t create drama or stir up jealousy and then highlight how “crazy” you are.
4. He doesn’t make you feel guilty, and he doesn’t try to negotiate your standards, boundaries, and limits to nothing.
5. He doesn’t use your triggers and reactions against you—he reassures you with words that match actions (that match patterns).
6. He doesn’t triangulate. Don’t make you feel like you have to compete for his love and attention with family, friends, coworkers, and any exes from the past.
7. He’s not selective in his love, support, and compassion.
8. He’s consistent.
9. He doesn’t pretend to be with you in the future to meet his needs in the present moment. He builds his future by backing up what he says with actions.
10. He asks more about you than he talks about himself.

11. He tells you he’s stopped using all dating apps and wishes you would do the same.
12. He’s more interested in being a “man” to you than he is in being a “man” to his friends.
13. He’s the same man with his family, as he is with his friends, and as he is with you. There’s one personality and one set of values, and nothing more.
14. He texts/calls you when he can—no waiting, no game of firsts, no seduction.
15. He’s not intimidated by your boundaries—he’s excited.
16. He doesn’t keep you a secret, flirt with other women, or seek attention from everyone and their sisters.
17. Your relationship keeps moving forward. It doesn’t start, stop, pause, or backtrack.
18. He doesn’t treat you as if you’re going to get multiple chances when you give him a chance.
19. He treats any exes who may still be in the picture with respect—by making it clear that he’s with you and acting accordingly.
20. He makes plans with you ahead of time and genuinely cares about your best interests. You feel safe, valued, and a priority, and he doesn’t like anything more than a last-minute decision.
21. He’s not possessive, doesn’t make it all about him, and doesn’t ruin your time when you hang out without him.
22. It doesn’t take threatening to leave you for him to admit he made a mistake.
23. He doesn’t blame the past or make excuses for his (or anyone else’s) behavior.
24. He wants to be exclusive and makes it clear what that means to him. There’s no resistance to you, your relationship, your commitment, your honesty, etc.
25. He’s never “too busy” to be in the relationship and doesn’t get defensive when you have concerns.
26. There’s no ambiguity. He’s not afraid to commit to your relationship, make plans, and follow through.
27. He doesn’t kick you when you’re down or make you feel insecure after you open up to him.
28. He’d rather tell you the painful truth than comfort you with lies.
29. He doesn’t use your past, your trauma, or anything you’ve told him against you. He uses it to understand you and connect with you better.

You’ll realize that he truly loves and cares for you because he’ll constantly show you how much he cares for you.

Some people want to meet you at the level of maturity and readiness that you are. But because they’re young and have fallen in love with the idea of ​​adults and can’t stand it…

Their initial charm and interest will turn to anger. They’ll sabotage your relationship themselves—not because of anything you did (you believed in them), but because your personality highlights everything they simply aren’t. They’ll end up resenting you for the same reasons that made them fall in love with you.

And none of this has anything to do with you.