The Effects of Toxic Relationships on Health and Wellbeing

Although every relationship has challenges, and they can be very difficult at times, challenges and difficulty do not automatically mean that these relationships are toxic. Toxic relationships have specific dynamics and themes that, when taken together, can harm not only the health of the couple, but also the individual. Some are bidirectional, with the abuse going both ways, and some are unidirectional, with one party abusing the other. Either way it is harmful.

And although most of us think of romantic relationships when talking about toxic dynamics, any kind of relationship can be toxic. With parents, siblings, children, friends, colleagues, supervisors, employees, and even clients.

Unfortunately, many people don’t even know they’re in a toxic relationship. They only hear about this term when looking for answers about why their partner is acting strange, why they feel tired and sad, or why their relationship isn’t working out.

In this article, we will identify the different signs you may be in such a relationship, how it may affect your health, and what steps to take to start your recovery journey.

Signs of toxic relationships

Some of the signs we’ll list below are overt and extreme, while others are more subtle and covert. Either way, you will need to use your judgment here. Just one incident of physical abuse is enough to leave the relationship, even if there are no other signs. At the same time, if there was only one outburst of verbal disrespect, you may want to consider the context as well as the overall pattern of the relationship to determine if it is a cause for concern.

Most of the time, a toxic relationship shows a combination of some signs, and it’s usually in an incremental progression rather than from the beginning. This makes it a little difficult to detect.

Outright disrespect

Most of us slip up once in a while. We can say something is not healthy in the heat of the moment. However, we apologize and guarantee that this behavior will not happen again. In a toxic relationship, boundary violations and disrespectful behavior are frequent, even after many apologies and promises to change. And in some cases, no apologies are made at all

Hidden respect

Disrespect can also be more covert. For example, instead of verbally abusing someone by belittling or insulting them, some people will not do what they agreed to do, such as show up on time or call when they said they would. If this happens too often, this is another form of disrespect and can make you feel unimportant. People who love and respect you will make an effort to show you how important they are.

betrayal

Most of us think of romantic infidelity when we hear the word infidelity. And it’s true that this particular type of betrayal can be particularly painful. It can also put you at risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. But betrayal can come from anyone. A boss consistently favors a less qualified colleague over you for work projects and promotions. A friend who shares your private information with others. A family member who always leaves you out of family gatherings.

dishonesty

A common theme in toxic relationships, especially those that involve infidelity, is dishonesty. A lie can be an outright lie, or it can be a lie by omission. Either way, if you don’t get the full picture of the situation that is affecting and affecting you, it will be difficult for you to make the best decisions on your own. This, especially when done repeatedly and deliberately, is a form of abuse.

Mind manipulation

Gassing isn’t just a lie, it’s a lie with a narrative twist that puts the blame on you. For example, you find some money missing and you suspect it is your brother, but when you confront them, they not only deny it but imply that it was you who spent the money and you didn’t realize it. Or your partner flirts inappropriately at work events and blames you for your insecurities. Not only does this shift the focus from their behavior to your reaction to their behavior, but it also makes you question your memory and reasoning. If this is repeated enough, you may end up doubting your sense of reality.

financial exploitation

Speaking of money, some toxic relationships are riddled with financial abuse. This occurs when someone violates spoken or unspoken agreements about how shared resources should be managed. For example, it is common for a cheating spouse not only to be romantically unfaithful to their partner, but also to use family money to support the relationship.

social isolation

In many harmful relationships, people find themselves less attached to their friends and loved ones. The reason why this happens is twofold. First, you may feel embarrassed to tell others what’s going on, especially if you don’t feel ready to leave the relationship. They may pressure you to leave or make a change, and you don’t enjoy having to defend or explain yourself. The second reason is that it may be the other person who is making it difficult for you to maintain those connections. They may speak ill of your loved ones, instill suspicion of their intentions, or explicitly ask you to choose between them.

walking on eggshells

The other person’s mood can be so fickle that sometimes you won’t be able to tell whether what you’re doing will please them or upset them. Their emotional state and even their personality may change so drastically that you associate them with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. This unpredictability makes it hard to know what to say or do, so you end up walking on eggshells. You are too light, make yourself too small, and rarely ask for what you want, just to avoid conflict and emotional turmoil.

Disproportionate needs

Healthy relationships are mutual and reciprocal. Each person finds it important and valuable for the other to get what they want and need within reason. In toxic relationships, you may find yourself never asking for what you need, and having to let go of your ex’s needs as well. At the same time, the other person appears to be entitled, and even required, to prioritize their own needs and wants.

emotional abuse

Emotional abuse can be all of the above. But it can also come in the form of the silent treatment, emotional withdrawal, procrastination, blame shifting, humiliation, and mind games. The result can be feeling insecure, unloved, or even unworthy. This can gradually erode your self-esteem, without you noticing.