Having a partner in your life can definitely make you feel happy and fulfilled. But is having a partner the only way to feel happy and satisfied in life?
Both men and women often bemoan the prospects for happiness if they cannot find a partner. I’ve heard this from those who are on a quest to find the “right” person for a relationship that will last and bring joy to their lives, and from others who have been in a relationship that has ended and really longed for another. They fear the possibility of “ending up alone.”
But what do we really know about the relationship of being with a partner to a happy life? New studies are revealing information about that and pointing to what underpins a “happy” life—more accurately described as a mental and physical life; a sense of growth over time; And the feeling that he deserves to live, despite life’s ups and downs and the inevitable transitions and changes that we go through.
Let’s take a look at some recent research on relationships and happiness. A study from Michigan State University assessed the happiness level of more than 7,000 people — married, ex-married, and those who remained single — from the ages of 18 to 60. The researchers sought to find out, as in Tina Turner’s classic song, “What does love have to do with it?”
Related: Is He Marriage Material? Signs Of A High Value Man and Why He’s Perfect For You
About 80 percent of the participants were married stably, in one marriage. 13 percent have been in and out of relationships, and 8 percent have been constantly single. The researchers examined how participants’ ratings of happiness related to the specific group they fell into.
The conclusion of the study was that “… stacking up your happiness with marriage is not a sure bet,” reported co-author William Chopik. That is, lifelong singles and those with diverse relationship histories did not differ in their level of happiness. Moreover, individuals married for life showed marginally higher levels of happiness. The research has been published in the Journal of Positive Psychology.
What can be made of this? Empirical data confirms the obvious: Lifelong happiness—a sense of well-being and fulfillment—is rooted in your life in general, not just whether or not you’re in a relationship. And even for those in long-term “monogamous” relationships—which are less representative of current demographics—one invariably finds couples who remain married despite feelings of death, introversion, or outright anger toward one another.
Clinically speaking, we often see this in the lives of couples seeking treatment. As Chopik pointed out, “People can certainly be in unhappy relationships, and single people derive enjoyment from all kinds of other parts of their lives. If the goal is to find happiness, it seems a little silly for people to put so much money into a partnership.”
No kidding: If you’re not living a life that generates happiness and fulfillment, to begin with, being in a relationship by itself isn’t going to change that. It could make things worse.
So what supports overall well-being, through life? The answer is complex and involves several dimensions, including how you think, feel, and act, and the societal context in which you live as well. The latter may condition that you believe in a certain definition of “happiness” that can undermine your health and well-being.
But there are some dimensions to how you live your life. One example is cultivating positive emotions such as empathy and generosity. Another is to serve something greater than just your “needs” and “I”. All are associated with increased well-being. More broadly, this reflects the relationship between happiness and a healthy life—both mentally and physically.
The latest evidence of this connection is a study showing that if you take steps to improve your well-being, it can have an impact on your physical health. The study was conducted on 155 adults between the ages of 25 and 75. She focused on increasing three different sources of happiness. Over the course of 12 weeks, participants reported increased levels of well-being. and that “…increasing the psychological well-being of even generally healthy adults can have benefits for their physical health,” according to researcher Kosdin Koshelev.
Related: 10 Upfront Conversations Before Getting Married
The study was conducted by researchers from Georgetown University, the University of Virginia, and the University of British Columbia, and is described in more detail here, published in the Journal of Psychological Science.
These and other studies add to the growing realization that everything is intertwined: mind, body, spirit, behavior, and the “external” context of your life. They include your comfort level—taking time to “relax” and embrace pleasure; Or just acknowledging gratitude for being alive, as this recent study found. Healthy hedonism, as the research describes it. It includes eating a diet that boosts your immunity and your mental health, as those interconnections are becoming increasingly apparent, as I described in this previous post.
Perhaps most important to an integrated and healthy life of well-being is openness to an evolving sense of life purpose. This isn’t something you “earn,” like a new tech gadget; And no “where” to go.
Instead, it’s something you have to embrace discovery, and that defines what you’re doing with your life… and why. It evolves and changes through the stages and transitions of life, as this report from the University of California, Berkeley, explains.
