Narcissists are known for their intense sexual energy and desire to gain closeness through intimacy. As you probably know, they can be very emotional and charming when they want to be.

Of course, they’re also known to often cheat on their partners physically or engage in suspicious touching and flirting with others to gain attention. But is touching a way for them to gain closeness? Or is it something more sinister and manipulative?

Do narcissists like to hug? And when they hug you, is it because they genuinely enjoy the closeness, or are their motives more manipulative?

This article will explore how emotional intimacy intersects with the desire for power, control, and attention? It will also delve into how sexual behavior can reveal telling clues about how a person treats you as a romantic partner. Let’s get to that.

Hugging is usually a good thing, but why are we drawn to such closeness?

First, it’s important to understand that humans naturally crave touch. Growing research on physical affection shows that bonding with another person enhances our physical health. Regular hugs can lower blood pressure, reduce inflammation, and decrease cortisol.

Hugging also releases oxytocin (often called the love or cuddle hormone). We feel oxytocin when we feel connected to another human being. It’s the same hormone that’s released during labor and breastfeeding, facilitating a strong bond between a baby and its mother.

When you hug someone you care about, you tend to feel more secure and calm. Couples who hug tend to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction. They also report fewer sleep disturbances. Finally, frequent hugs may reduce symptoms of chronic pain, with research showing that hugging together has similar benefits to therapeutic touch.

In other words, we cuddle because we feel happy and we inherently know that it supports our mental and physical health.

Among heterosexual couples, a common saying is that women want to cuddle and men want to sleep after sex. But is there any truth to this statement—or is it just a funny gimmick in a romantic comedy?

As it turns out, the answer is more complicated than simple. First, biology may play a major role in understanding post-sex behavior. The body releases several neurotransmitters after orgasm, which can cause drowsiness. This effect may be more pronounced in men than in women.

After sex, men experience a surge in testosterone levels. In some cases, they sleep. But other times, to keep their testosterone high, they move on to a specific task like taking a shower, smoking a cigarette, or eating something. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to enjoy the surge of oxytocin.

Furthermore, women are often trained to believe that sex and intimacy are intertwined. So, cuddling or pillow talk after sex may be just as important as the physical pleasure itself.

Although men may not seem to enjoy cuddling as much, they still benefit from the closeness.

While research on this topic is somewhat limited, one study examining long-term couples found that men who reported frequent kissing or cuddling with their partners were, on average, three times more satisfied with their relationships than men who showed little affection.

Interestingly, extra cuddling time didn’t have a significant effect for women.

However, more physical affection was associated with higher levels of sexual satisfaction. This was true for both men and women, and women reported improved sex over time.

Now that you know the virtues of cuddling and touch, how do these rules apply to narcissists? Do they reap the same benefits? And do they share the same motivations as others?

It all depends on the type of narcissist, your relationship with them, and their current needs at the time.

For example, during the love bombing phase, many narcissists thrive on touch to build a false sense of closeness to their partners. It can certainly seem like they can’t keep their hands off you! At other times, they may seem like they hate touch.

Let’s explore the different motivations of different narcissists.

Somatic Narcissists and Hugging: Touch is Validation

Somatic narcissists, in particular, get their narcissistic supply by flaunting their physical appearance and sexual attractiveness. They are obsessed with their appearance, and they expect you to worship their beautiful self!

Somatic narcissists value their bodies more than anything else. They may spend hours at the gym or thousands of dollars at the plastic surgeon’s office. Some somatic narcissists come across as overly vain. Others are more insecure and need constant validation of how beautiful they look.

Being “ugly” is the somatic narcissist’s greatest fear—ugliness is synonymous with worthlessness.

As a result, they tend to love being touched (along with compliments on their appearance). They have an insatiable thirst for such validation, and they want you to feel incredibly lucky to have the privilege of being near their bodies!

Physical narcissists love it when you hug them. They want you to shower them with affection, and show them that their body is the greatest gift in the world! Don’t expect much in return, though—again, they’re so focused on how others view their bodies that they won’t pay much attention to you.

SexualNarcissists and Hugging: Touch Is Power

Sexual narcissists gain control by seducing others. Sexual activity gives them a thrill—it makes them feel important and even invincible. Sex is a powerful game, and they like to play by the rules to win whenever they want.

On the surface, it may seem like sexual narcissists love to be touched. Kissing, hugging, and other forms of affection can be very arousing. But touch is just a means to an end, as it’s a repression that helps them feel empowered and special.

Sexual narcissists also tend to cheat on their partners. Even if they claim to value monogamy, their narcissistic supply comes from sexual attention. So, if they’re not cheating on you physically, they’re likely to cross the line by flirting with others.

CerebralNarcissists: Childish/Shallow Touch

Cerebral narcissists need constant validation of their sanity or intellect. They seek cognitive challenges, and they gravitate toward dynamics where people praise them for their wisdom.

In many ways, touch and sex are beneath them—they may judge it as rushed, weak, or even disgusting. Worse, a cerebral narcissist may shame you for acting immaturely or needily in your desire for physical affection.

They also criticize past partners for the same reasons. Furthermore, they often abstain from sex and demean others for being “slutty” or “irresponsible” with their sexual desires.

It should come as no surprise that cerebral narcissists rarely want to cuddle with their partners. For them, sex can be purely mechanical. For example, let’s say they want to have a baby. In that case, they might meticulously track ovulation or other crucial variables to determine the optimal times to have sex. There’s no emotion behind the act itself.

Cerebral narcissists often dismiss cuddling as pointless and childish. They’d rather spend their time doing something they consider “productive,” regardless of your feelings.

MalignantNarcissists: Touch Is Their Choice

Malignant narcissists can be physically and emotionally abusive in their relationships. They’re dangerous and volatile, and getting involved with one can have devastating consequences.

Many narcissists can understand that their actions are hurting people. But malignant narcissists take it a step further. They thrive because they know they can control your emotions or thoughts.

In extreme cases, malignant narcissists become violent with others, especially if things don’t go their way. They may become explosive when they get angry. Additionally, they may physically or sexually assault you to “show you” who’s calling the shots.

Malignant narcissists don’t typically hug their partners. Hugging often feels soft or weak. They will only use hugs if they want to apologize for their actions or otherwise gain your approval after hurting your feelings.

Of course. As you probably know, most narcissists are extremely emotional during the love bombing phase. In fact, they tend to be very loving and possessive when you first start dating. Let’s explore the age of narcissistic touch and affection.

lovebombing phase

At the beginning of a relationship, narcissists often feel consumed by their intense emotions. It’s like you’re the missing piece in their life, and they want to thank you with their endless love and adoration. These actions are not intentional manipulation – at that moment, you are in the honeymoon phase and are flooded with different hormones.

The love bombing stage is an amazing time for new couples. Your partner may constantly compliment you and talk about how much they love you.

They want to spend every day together. They talk about how you are destined for marriage or a soulmate and how no one else can understand them the way you do.

Even if you feel like things are moving fast (which they usually are), the narcissist has a way of outwardly convincing you that everything will be okay.

The love bombing stage can last for weeks or months. During this time, you may feel like the narcissist can’t get enough of you. In their eyes, you’re perfect. Afterward, you may feel completely obsessed, like they’ve accepted every part of you.

What Happens After Love Bombing Ends?

When it comes to long-term relationships, all love bombings eventually end. No matter what, narcissists start to find problems with their partners. Because they tend to see the world in extremes, the problem can be anything that disappoints them in their idealized fantasies of love and connection.

In many cases, narcissists stop love bombing once the relationship becomes too comfortable or predictable. For example, you may start setting boundaries around wanting to spend more time with friends. Or maybe you no longer want to have sex as often.

These boundaries are normal and expected developments in romantic relationships. However, any of these subtle changes can trigger their fragile ego and cause narcissistic rage. The fantasy has changed—you are no longer flawless and infallible.

This change confuses narcissists. Now they feel vulnerable again. They don’t know if all their needs will be met anymore. So, they respond in the ways they know best: manipulation and control.

Once narcissists feel threatened (even when you know you didn’t do anything wrong), they will start manipulating you. They want you to feel guilty for hurting them or changing you without warning. They also desperately want things to go back to the way they were—where everything seemed perfect all the time.

Affection While Devaluing

Narcissistic rage can cause a narcissist to devalue you. This is when they start manipulating you or making you feel unimportant. Devaluing can be troubling for partners—one moment, you felt perfect. Now, it feels like you can’t even breathe properly.

Devaluing also feels messy because narcissists switch their tactics on and off when it’s convenient. As a result, you never really know what to expect. One day, they may be so upset that they refuse to talk to you. The next, they may ask why you’re so quiet and withdrawn.

To make matters even more complicated, many narcissists remain affectionate with their partners in public. At home, for example, intimacy may be completely out of the question. But around others, they may kiss and hug you freely. They want others to admire your relationship and consider them a flawless partner.

Emotion to Get What They Want

Narcissists also tend to be emotional when they think it’s “important.”

For example, let’s say you two have a big fight. You keep going back and forth with no resolution. You get into bed expecting to fall asleep angry. Instead, the narcissist approaches you and starts hugging and kissing you. Maybe they even initiate sex.

What’s going on? Is the fight over? Yes… and no. The narcissist likely feels rejected and threatened. Instead of dealing with these feelings, they use emotion to try to resolve the conflict. They want to get back to normal without putting in any emotional effort.

Unfortunately, engaging in their pattern often fosters a sense of false hope. For example, you may feel an immediate sense of relief and begin to believe that things can change. You may think the narcissist is “just stressed” or that your relationship will go back to the way it was. But once they realize they’ve “got you back,” they revert to their usual cruel tactics.

In these cases, narcissists use touch as a selfish tool. A hug, for example, is not a genuine expression of love, remorse, or intimacy. Instead, it’s an easy way to get what they want—your forgiveness, your closeness, or your willingness to stay in the toxic relationship.

Intimacy in a Relationship

Narcissists often get into relationships once they’ve started to devalue their partners.

At this point, a new love interest can temporarily bolster their narcissistic supply. This person seems to be meeting needs that you can’t. So, they get emotional again—but this time, they’re saving it for someone else.

If all of this sounds unrealistic, that’s because it is. Narcissists have an illusory sense of what will (and won’t) keep them happy.

Do narcissists kiss their partners?

Yes, but the motivations are different than when other people kiss their partners.

Kissing has evolutionary roots—it’s a way to discover a potential partner’s sexual vitality and mating behavior. In typical romantic relationships, kissing stimulates various hormones such as oxytocin and testosterone. Kissing is also socially acceptable—it’s a way to greet people and signal your gratitude.

Some narcissists simply tolerate kissing. Their motivations are cognitive and calculated. They know that kissing—along with other forms of physical affection—builds an emotional connection with another person. This connection helps maintain their narcissistic supply.

Kissing in Public

Narcissists may use kissing as a way to “show off” and tell the world that they belong to you. If this is the case, kisses tend to be dramatic and flashy.

In the beginning of a relationship, this behavior can be difficult to spot. This is because you’re usually distracted by your own feelings of infatuation! You may be flattered by their generous displays of affection. This is usually along the same lines as loving all the photos or statuses they post telling people how much they love you.

But love bombing, as you know, has an expiration date. Once that date has passed, kisses and affection tend to wane dramatically, at least when it’s just the two of you. At this point, you’ve reached the devaluation stage, a complicated period where the narcissist seems to find fault with everything you say or do.

Do narcissists like holding hands?

Like kissing, it depends. As mentioned, narcissists typically have no problem showing affection in front of others. They want to maintain an ideal image in the public eye. In most cases, they want others to see them as a great spouse or partner.

The relationship is much different when it’s just the two of you. Affection can be emotionally vulnerable, and that vulnerability turns narcissists off. They don’t want to do things unless they serve their needs at the time.

That’s why all affection can vary so dramatically. If a narcissist holds your hand, it’s because they’re getting something out of it. That benefit could be a sense of security, validation, power, or control—it all depends on their situation and your relationship.

Do Narcissists Like Sex?

Sex is complicated when it comes to being with a narcissist. During the love bombing phase, sex is often the glue that holds the relationship together. It can be the backbone of your intimacy, and it’s easy to assume that good sex leads to a good relationship.

Sex helps fill the narcissistic supply and can fulfill many other needs.

Physical Pleasure

Sex, of course, feels good, and in healthy, loving relationships, both partners seek to mutually please each other. Open and honest communication helps each other understand different needs and desires.

But this equal communication doesn’t exist with narcissists. Instead, they often focus solely on themselves in the bedroom. They tend to dictate the type, frequency, and timing of sex. Once they get what they want, they lose interest in the business altogether.

If they do focus on meeting your needs, they will often brag about it constantly, as if they’re the only one who can bring you such pleasure. They may share intimate details about your sex life with others, even if you’ve asked them not to.

Control

Sex and control can go hand in hand. For example, a narcissist may guilt you into having sex (or certain types of sex) even if you’re not in the mood. They may complain about how much other partners enjoy doing X or want more of Y.

The partner often wants to avoid the narcissist’s wrath, so they give in to the narcissist’s demands. It often seems easier than putting up a fight. Over time, the pattern reinforces itself. The narcissist gets the sex they want. And their partner puts up with it.

Remember that sexual coercion is a form of abuse. Sexual coercion can be difficult to define, but some examples include:

Repeatedly demanding sex (and complaining if your partner is not in the mood).

Making comments about “blue balls” or “too horny” to induce guilt.

Encouraging substance abuse to lower your inhibitions.

Refusing to use protection.

Making threats about having sex with other people.

Insisting that you “owe” them sex for whatever reason.

Calling you names like “bitch.”

If you feel pressured to have sex with a narcissist, it may be due to some form of coercion. Coercion can quickly turn into sexual assault, and it’s important to seek protection and safety if this happens.

Winning

Many narcissists love sex because they love the idea of ​​winning. In this context, sex is a game, and you’re just another player they need to beat.

As they continue to win games, they become more competitive (to continue to fill their narcissistic reservoir). This explains why narcissists often cheat on their partners – the chase is more tempting than the “prize.”

Commitment

Narcissists also love sex because they know it comes with a sense of commitment. Because narcissists have such a weak ego, they constantly rely on validation from others. Knowing that you are “attached to them” provides security.

Many narcissists want secure relationships, marriages, or families because it gives them a sense of importance. With this mindset, sex becomes a way to keep their partners entwined with them.

Of course, commitment is often one-sided. Once they decide they want to be with you, they expect your unconditional loyalty. But it’s entirely optional if they want to remain loyal to you.

Do Narcissists Like Being Alone?

It depends. Of course, narcissists absolutely love having other people around to fulfill their narcissistic supply. However, they can also be extremely introverted and prefer solitude.

The more outspoken narcissists tend to thrive when they are the center of attention. They want to show off and be worshiped for it. You can recognize this narcissist when you see him — he takes up all the space without regard. His energy is everywhere, and he interrupts and belittles others without remorse.

These narcissists struggle with alone time. They tend to cling to others. They want to go out and socialize at all hours of the day. Even if they

Covert narcissists can be more subtle. They may appear more shy and insecure around others. They may need time alone to think or engage in their hobbies. Sometimes, they may crave so much alone time that they become neglectful of a relationship or other responsibilities. If they encounter this selfish behavior, they show little empathy and often become defensive.

Even if narcissists seem to enjoy being alone, they still want attention. They may spend a great deal of time interacting with people online or sharing on social media. Or they may use their alone time to work on projects that are meant to gain approval from others (such as writing a book or working on a new business idea).

Final Thoughts: Do Narcissists Like Hugging?

It’s impossible (and arrogant) to generalize all narcissistic behaviors. Some narcissists love to hug. Some don’t. But in almost all cases, hugging is just another way to feed the never-ending narcissistic supply.

Narcissists struggle to be truly intimate with their partners. They lack the genuine empathy to understand your desires in a relationship.

Of course, this selfishness and inability to be in tune with your needs can be frustrating. Like most people, you may crave intimacy and closeness.

However, it is your responsibility to advocate for your own happiness. Your well-being should not suffer for someone else’s sake—you deserve to be with someone who respects and values ​​you.