Their desire to be alone at any given moment varies based on their mood, desires, and current connections with others. Keep in mind that they don’t necessarily share these patterns with others, and they often don’t even realize it themselves.
When narcissists feel insecure, they tend to need other people to “fix” them. They can act obsessively, clingily, and overly demanding. At the same time, they often feel overwhelmed quickly and feel like they can only rely on themselves to get things done.
This competing dynamic could explain why narcissists display such hot and cold behavior in their relationships. At one point, they may come across as overly clingy and needy. But at other times, they will appear completely aloof.
4 Reasons Why Narcissists May Not Like Being Alone
Narcissists often prefer to be around people because they rely on others to feel powerful and in control. They also rely on external validation, and being around people quickly provides that.
1 Desire for Attention and Validation
Narcissism is defined by a persistent and persistent need for admiration. This need is constant—it’s prevalent across the lifespan, and it actually tends to be most pronounced during stressful times.
Narcissists don’t necessarily distinguish between positive, social attention and negative attention. Most people generally want to be genuinely liked by others, but narcissists are more interested in the reciprocal nature of relationships.
They’re constantly checking to see what they can “get” from others. Even when they’re seemingly generous, these gestures are often more about stroking their ego or gaining recognition.
The need for attention is constant. They’ll often do anything to keep people close to them, even if it means threatening, discrediting, or mistreating them. They often feel safer with people around who dislike them (but can’t leave) than with no one at all.
2 Fear of Abandonment and Attachment
Even though narcissists pretend to be worthy and superior, they have a deep fear of abandonment. More than anything else, narcissists fear being neglected. For this reason, they cling to others in hopes of avoiding trauma.
In many cases, even the slightest hint of neglect reminds us of the trauma that may have caused them to develop narcissism. Many narcissists have a history of complex abandonment. Because their caregivers were unable to provide them with enough love, they never learned how to relate to others properly.
Related :! How to Ignore a Narcissist The Right Way?
On a subconscious level, narcissists know that they are less than they would like to appear. But the idea of this seems so incomprehensible that they try to distract themselves by spending time with people who will lift their spirits.
So, they cling to anything that will give them attention—just to avoid being alone with their own insecurities.
3 The Need for Constant Stimulation and Admiration
Narcissists get bored easily, and often feel deeply dissatisfied no matter what they achieve. Instead of enjoying the good parts of life, the risks only increase.
Their confident demeanor should not be replaced by true happiness. Narcissists often suffer from jealousy, fear of vulnerability, and an overwhelming sense of inadequacy.
They measure their worth solely by their external accomplishments. They rely on them to feel complete, and the desire for more becomes a fast-paced treadmill with no end in sight.
4 Fear of Facing Their Vulnerabilities
Being alone with yourself inherently requires some level of vulnerability. When you’re alone with yourself, you’re stuck with your own feelings and thoughts.
Most people struggle with this from time to time. But a true narcissist often wants to avoid discomfort altogether.
As mentioned, this can be due to a fear of abandonment. But it can also be due to a fear of being inadequate, unlovable, or even “normal.” Narcissists equate “normal” with disaster. If they’re not special or worthy, they often feel completely empty.
4 Reasons Why Narcissists May Love Being Alone
Although narcissists crave control and attention, they sometimes prefer to be alone. Many narcissists have other mental health issues, and being alone protects them from having to show this vulnerable side to others.
1 Self-Importance and Independence
Many narcissists prefer to be alone because they can focus on themselves without having to consider anyone else’s needs. They can focus on what’s most important to them.
Cerebral narcissists, in particular, value intellect above all else, and look down on people who don’t appear to be intelligent. As a result, they may spend most of their time alone reading, studying, or learning. They don’t bother to connect with others because relationships seem immature.
2 Desire for Control and Power
Narcissists may prefer to be alone when they need to do something that requires their complete control. For example, if they’re involved in a work project, they may avoid chatting with coworkers because they don’t want to risk anyone distracting them.
This tendency is often due to their belief that they are more competent and talented than others. They don’t even want to collaborate with anyone else, because they are often so confident that they know what is best.
3 Enjoying Solitary Activities
Narcissists may enjoy doing certain activities alone. This may be because the activity itself is generally independent (running, writing, reading). However, they may also find other people annoying or distracting, so they choose to do things alone.
4 Getting Feedback from Others
Narcissists may prefer to spend time alone because it generates interest from others. For example, if they are upset with their partner, they may suddenly ignore them.
They can do this for a variety of reasons, all of which have to do with gaining some sort of appreciation.
Narcissists also sometimes prefer to be seen as mysterious and aloof. This can be true in the workplace, school, or even among groups of friends.
Covert narcissists, in particular, tend to be shy and withdrawn. They realize they are having difficulty in relationships, so they avoid interacting with others. But others often see them as shy, insecure, or incomprehensible—not narcissists.
How do narcissists cope with loneliness?
Addictive behaviors
Narcissism is closely linked to compulsive behaviors, including substance abuse, eating disorders, gambling, and shopping. These behaviors are often a way to treat the discomfort that underlies narcissism (whether the narcissist is aware of it or not).
Narcissists struggle a lot with sitting with their own feelings. They see sadness, shame, and fear as an explicit threat.
They don’t want to deal with them. So these behaviors numb the pain and provide short bursts of pleasure. Over time, the pattern becomes addictive, and it becomes very difficult to stop.
Seeking Validation Online
Even if narcissists don’t socialize much in person, they may spend an inordinate amount of time online. For example, some people will create an ideal life on social media despite having very few friends or hobbies.
Related :; Can a Narcissist Trick a Therapist That they Are Not a Narcissist?
But they rely on likes, comments, and shares the way someone relies on food or shelter. Without validation, they feel empty.
Some narcissists will also become “trolls” online. This type of bullying often serves as a way to maintain power or control. The attention—even if negative—can be motivating enough to continue doing it.
Boosting Their Ego
Narcissists may try to use their alone time to engage in activities that enhance their sense of superiority. For example, they may spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on their appearance (exercising or applying makeup).
They may spend their time trying to build their wealth (working side jobs, investing their money, or trying to find ways to generate more income).
Looking for more supplies
Generally, narcissists don’t like to be alone for long periods of time. Even if they seem comfortable, it may simply be because they are planning their next move.
They may currently be in the “ego boosting” phase because they are about to start looking for different supplies. This explains why narcissists can jump quickly from one relationship to another.
