Narcissism is a personality disorder that has been widely studied, and one of its defining traits is a significant lack of empathy. But is this lack of empathy absolute? Are narcissists entirely incapable of understanding or sharing the feelings of others? Researchers have been investigating these questions for years, and their findings shed light on the complicated relationship between narcissism and empathy.
What is Empathy?
Empathy is the ability to recognize, understand, and share the emotions of others. It’s a fundamental part of human connection and plays a vital role in fostering compassion, kindness, and healthy relationships. Empathy can be broken down into two main types:
Cognitive Empathy: The ability to understand what someone else is feeling or thinking.
Emotional Empathy: The capacity to share and feel the emotions of others, experiencing them as if they were your own.
While most people exhibit both types of empathy to varying degrees, narcissists, particularly those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), are often seen as lacking in one or both.
Do Narcissists Truly Lack Empathy?
The idea that narcissists completely lack empathy has been a common belief for years. However, recent research suggests the picture may be more nuanced. While narcissists may appear to lack empathy on the surface, studies indicate that their empathy is more selective and conditional than entirely absent.
Cognitive Empathy vs. Emotional Empathy
One important distinction researchers have found is that narcissists tend to struggle more with emotional empathy rather than cognitive empathy. Many narcissists can recognize and understand other people’s emotions on an intellectual level, but they don’t experience or share these emotions themselves. This is why narcissists can often manipulate others effectively—they can “read” emotions and anticipate reactions but don’t feel the emotional consequences of their actions.
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For example, a narcissist may understand that their partner feels hurt or angry, but they may not feel any genuine remorse or guilt for causing that pain. Instead, they may use their understanding of the partner’s emotions to further manipulate the situation in their favor, often to maintain control or superiority.
Research Insights Into Narcissism and Empathy
Several studies have explored the relationship between narcissism and empathy, offering intriguing insights:
1. The “Empathy Gap” in Narcissism
Researchers have coined the term “empathy gap” to describe the selective empathy observed in narcissists. In a study published in the Journal of Personality Disorders, researchers found that while narcissists exhibit reduced emotional empathy, they are capable of cognitive empathy when it serves their self-interest.
This means that narcissists can switch empathy on and off depending on the situation. If empathizing with someone benefits them—such as in a professional setting or to achieve a personal goal—they may demonstrate a higher degree of cognitive empathy. But in personal relationships, where emotional empathy is more crucial, they often fall short.
2. Empathy and Narcissistic Subtypes
It’s also important to note that not all narcissists are the same. Studies have shown that different subtypes of narcissism may exhibit different levels of empathy. For example:
Grandiose narcissists (those who are more overtly arrogant and entitled) tend to lack emotional empathy more prominently. Their focus on their own superiority makes them less likely to connect emotionally with others.
Covert narcissists (who may be more introverted and insecure) may demonstrate slightly higher levels of emotional empathy, but they still manipulate others for their own gain.
While neither subtype shows the same level of empathy as non-narcissistic individuals, covert narcissists may exhibit more “fragile” empathy, often as a way to protect their self-esteem.
Can Narcissists Learn Empathy?
Given that narcissists can display cognitive empathy, the question arises: can they be taught to feel more emotional empathy as well?
Some therapeutic approaches, particularly those focusing on increasing emotional awareness and mindfulness, have shown promise in helping narcissists develop more empathy. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for instance, can help narcissists recognize the impact of their behavior on others and work to change maladaptive patterns. However, the success of such interventions largely depends on the narcissist’s willingness to engage in the process.
It’s important to note, though, that while some narcissists may improve in their ability to empathize, complete transformation is rare. The deeply ingrained traits of narcissistic personality disorder—such as the need for control, admiration, and superiority—often prevent significant emotional change. Many narcissists see no reason to change unless their lack of empathy directly impacts their own well-being.
Hidden Empathy: When Narcissists Show Compassion
Despite the general lack of emotional empathy, there are circumstances where narcissists can appear to be compassionate or caring. This is usually motivated by self-interest, such as when the narcissist stands to gain something (social approval, admiration, or power). In these cases, narcissists may engage in prosocial behaviors, but these actions are often superficial and aimed at manipulating others.
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For example, a narcissist might engage in charity work or offer support to a friend, not out of genuine concern, but because it enhances their own image or furthers their personal agenda. In these situations, the narcissist is displaying empathy, but it’s often shallow and self-serving.
The Nuanced Reality of Narcissistic Empathy
While narcissists are often seen as lacking empathy entirely, research shows that the truth is more complex. Narcissists can exhibit cognitive empathy, allowing them to understand what others are feeling, but they struggle with emotional empathy and often use their understanding of others’ emotions for manipulative purposes.
Understanding the nuances of narcissistic empathy can be essential for those in relationships with narcissists. It helps clarify why narcissists can appear caring at times, yet remain emotionally disconnected and manipulative. For anyone involved with a narcissist, recognizing the limitations of their empathy can be the first step toward protecting oneself from emotional manipulation and setting healthier boundaries.
