When we think of narcissists in relationships, we often imagine them paired with empathetic, accommodating partners who are more likely to fall prey to their manipulative tendencies. But an interesting question arises: Can narcissists date other narcissists? The answer is complex, as narcissistic relationships are characterized by the desire for admiration, dominance, and control—traits that can clash or intertwine when two narcissists come together.
The Nature of Narcissistic Relationships
Narcissists tend to seek relationships where they can dominate, receive admiration, and control the narrative. They are often drawn to individuals who provide them with constant validation, meeting their emotional needs while allowing them to maintain superiority. In most cases, a relationship between a narcissist and a highly empathetic or codependent person is common because the power imbalance is clear.
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But what happens when two narcissists, with similar needs for admiration and control, date each other? While it may seem like a recipe for disaster, it’s not entirely impossible.
Why Narcissists Might Be Attracted to Each Other
There are a few reasons why narcissists could be drawn to one another:
Mirror Image Attraction: Narcissists are often attracted to others who reflect aspects of themselves. They may admire someone who exudes confidence, ambition, or charisma—qualities they also value in themselves. Initially, this can create a strong attraction because they recognize the traits they idealize in their partner.
Social Status and Image: Two narcissists may come together if they believe their partner enhances their social status or reflects positively on them. Narcissists are highly concerned with appearances and how others perceive them. A relationship with another narcissist can be mutually beneficial if both individuals believe they enhance each other’s image.
The Challenges of Two Narcissists in a Relationship
Despite potential initial attraction, a relationship between two narcissists is typically fraught with challenges due to their overlapping needs and emotional dynamics. Here are some common problems:
Power Struggles: Narcissists crave control, and when both partners seek to dominate the relationship, power struggles are inevitable. This can lead to ongoing conflicts, as neither partner is willing to yield to the other’s desires or accept responsibility for problems. Each person tries to assert dominance, causing constant tension and competition.
Lack of Emotional Intimacy: Narcissists are emotionally detached and often lack genuine empathy. In a relationship where both partners are narcissistic, emotional intimacy and vulnerability are minimal. Instead, the focus tends to be on superficial aspects like appearance, success, and admiration. This lack of emotional depth can make the relationship unstable and unsatisfying over time.
Fragile Egos: Narcissists have fragile self-esteem and rely on external validation to maintain their sense of worth. When two narcissists date, they may become rivals rather than supportive partners, constantly seeking to outshine each other. If one partner feels overshadowed or slighted, resentment can quickly build, leading to bitterness and emotional withdrawal.
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Manipulative Tactics: Narcissists are known for using manipulative tactics to get what they want, including gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and emotional blackmail. In a relationship where both individuals employ these strategies, it creates a toxic environment of deceit, manipulation, and mistrust. Neither partner can feel secure or safe in the relationship, which is likely to deteriorate.
Can a Narcissist-Narcissist Relationship Last?
While relationships between narcissists can form, they rarely last in the long term. The relationship may initially be intense, fueled by mutual admiration and social gain, but over time, the lack of genuine emotional connection and continuous power struggles can erode the partnership. Narcissists often end relationships when they no longer receive the validation or control they seek, and in a dynamic with another narcissist, this realization can happen quickly.
Conclusion
While it is possible for narcissists to date other narcissists, the relationship is usually short-lived and turbulent. The clash of egos, power struggles, and lack of emotional intimacy create a toxic environment that is difficult to sustain. Narcissists are more likely to seek partners who are empathetic and accommodating, as these individuals better fulfill their need for admiration and control. However, when two narcissists do come together, the relationship can be a reflection of their self-obsessed nature, ultimately leading to its downfall.
