Imagine that your partner accuses you of being a narcissist, telling you that you should always be the center of attention, that you constantly seek admiration from others, and that you lack empathy for their feelings.

Being called a narcissist is never fun, but it’s especially hurtful when there’s no truth to it.

Unfortunately, narcissists accuse others of narcissism because they tend to project their own flaws onto others.

They also love to make others question their reality, using manipulation to make them believe something that isn’t true—like the fact that they’re a narcissist.

Why do narcissists accuse others of narcissism?

Narcissists often accuse others of narcissism to divert attention away from their own behavior and flaws.

This psychological phenomenon is known as “narcissistic projection.”

By projecting their own traits, feelings, and behaviors onto others, narcissists can avoid taking responsibility for their actions and maintain a facade of superiority and innocence.

Accusing someone else of being a narcissist serves several purposes for the narcissist:

1 Diversion

When a narcissist accuses you of being a narcissist, it shifts the focus of the conversation away from them. This diversion allows the narcissist to divert attention and distract you from their behavior.

Let’s look at an example. You just got a promotion at work, but instead of congratulating you on your accomplishment, your narcissistic partner accuses you of always wanting to be the center of attention, saying:

“You’re so narcissistic, you never care about anyone else’s success or happiness. It has to be all about you, all the time.”

A narcissist knows how damaging the term narcissist can be, so they use it to label you and undermine your accomplishments.

Not only does this accusation diminish your success, it also reflects their need for attention on you.

This accusation manipulates the conversation, shifts the focus away from you, and makes you question the validity of your emotions and accomplishments.

It’s a classic example of the narcissistic accuser syndrome, showing how narcissists use accusations to distract and control situations, maintain dominance, and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

2 Manipulation

I talk a lot about manipulation because it’s one of narcissists’ favorite forms of manipulation.

When narcissists accuse you of being a narcissist, they’re deceiving you. They want you to believe that you’re the one who’s exhibiting the very behaviors they’re guilty of.

They use this tactic to distort your perception of reality, erode your self-esteem, and maintain control of the narrative.

Let’s say you’ve just had an argument with your narcissistic partner about how much time they spend with their friends.

They turn things around on you, saying, “It’s narcissistic that you’re always trying to control me and dictate who I can spend time with. You’re the one with the problem here, not me.”

By shifting the blame and accusing you of the very behavior they’re exhibiting, narcissists are using a classic manipulation technique. They want you to question your own insecurities and question your actions.

In reality, their accusation is a projection of their need to control and dismiss your feelings.

By labeling you as controlling, they hope to manipulate the situation to their advantage and avoid addressing the real issue—their behavior and how it’s affecting the relationship.

This type of manipulation can leave you feeling confused, frustrated, and doubting your own perceptions, all of which are intended results of manipulation tactics.

3 Projection

When narcissists falsely accuse you of being a narcissist, they are exhibiting narcissistic projection.

Narcissistic projection is a defense mechanism that allows a narcissist to avoid acknowledging their own flaws, insecurities, and negative behaviors.

By projecting these onto someone else, they create a distorted picture of reality in which they can maintain their self-image as flawless and superior.

For example, imagine that you just spent the evening watching your narcissistic partner dominate a cocktail party.

They shut out anyone else from the conversation, and they invent ever more elaborate and exaggerated stories to keep the spotlight on them.

When you get home, you mention how uncomfortable this behavior makes you, but instead of acknowledging it or your feelings, they point the finger at you, saying:

“You’re always seeking attention and trying to make everything revolve around you. It’s like you’re the center of the universe.”

This is a classic example of narcissistic projection, and you can see why some people wonder, “Are accusations confessions?” We’ll get to that in a moment, but first, let’s focus on projection and what it accomplishes for the narcissist.

Narcissists use projection to divert attention away from their own failings and limitations.

They blame you by accusing you of their behavior and manipulating your perception of the situation to maintain their false self-image.

Related : How Does a Narcissist React When You Stop Chasing Them?

As Sam Vaknin explains, projection “also involves forcing the target of the projection to conform to its contents: to become someone else and act in ways that the narcissist prescribes.”

Essentially, projection gives the narcissist a sense of control over their self-image and your behavior.

The act of projection allows the narcissist to project their negative traits into the open so they can continue to believe in their own perfection.

It also means they can escape accountability for their actions by painting you as the one responsible for the behavior they exhibit.

While the narcissist’s accusations of narcissism can be confusing, they provide insight into the defense mechanisms and manipulation narcissists use to protect themselves from their own internal struggles.

It’s a strategy that avoids blame and perpetuates their inflated self-image.

4 Maintaining Superiority

Even when I work with a narcissist professionally, I sometimes wonder, “Are narcissists blaming you for what they’re doing?”

I remember a session where one narcissist said, “You always seem to turn every conversation into something about you. It’s like you’re the one who needs constant attention.”

At first, I was shocked by this accusation, as our discussion seemed completely out of context. However, upon reflection, it became clear that this was a typical case of a narcissist clinging desperately to their sense of superiority.

The narcissist was guilty of precisely what they accused me of—making the conversation about themselves and seeking constant attention.

Their words were a mirror reflecting their own behavior but twisted in a way that was intended to shift the blame onto me.

This incident highlighted the lengths to which a narcissist will go to protect their sense of superiority.

By accusing me of their own behavior, they were attempting to control the narrative and maintain a facade of their superiority.

In doing so, they hoped to divert attention away from their actions and insecurities while undermining my confidence and leaving me questioning my own behavior.

This dynamic underscores the complexity of narcissistic behavior and the subtle ways they manipulate their surroundings to protect their fragile self-image.

Accusations of narcissism are often a projection of the narcissist’s own traits, revealing not only their tactics but also the deep-rooted struggles they struggle to hide.

5 Avoid Self-Reflection

Narcissists often struggle with self-awareness and self-reflection. Accusing others of narcissism allows them to avoid looking inward and confronting their own flaws.

This behavior stems from their deep need to protect their fragile self-esteem and maintain their inflated self-image.

For example, narcissists go shopping for Christmas gifts, but the gifts they buy for themselves are more valuable and thoughtful than anything they’ve ever bought for anyone else.

When you point this out, they accuse you of being materialistic and selfish, meaning you’re a narcissist because you only care about gifts and material possessions.

Admitting their own shortcomings or negative traits is a terrifying prospect for narcissists.

Their entire identity is built on grandiosity and superiority, and any crack in this facade can shatter their carefully constructed sense of self-worth.

As a result, narcissists use a variety of defense mechanisms to protect themselves from the painful reality of their shortcomings.

By showing their flaws, narcissists avoid confronting these flaws within themselves.

This allows them to distance themselves from their negative traits and maintain the illusion that they are flawless.

Accusing others of narcissism also negates any potential criticism. By calling someone else a narcissist, the narcissist is trying to divert attention away from their own shortcomings.

If someone confronts them about their behavior or challenges their superiority, they may respond by pointing the finger at others and redirecting the focus of the conversation.

This tactic also plays into the narcissist’s cognitive manipulation. They realize that if they can plant the idea of ​​narcissism in the minds of those around them, they create a distraction that draws attention away from their behavior.

This cognitive manipulation enhances their self-image and protects them from any potential threats to their ego.

Is it common for narcissists to call you a narcissist?

The inability of narcissists to recognize their own flaws and reflect on their own shortcomings means that it is fairly common for narcissists to accuse you of having narcissistic tendencies.

Any hint of deficiency challenges the narcissist’s self-perception, so they instead project it onto other people, pressuring them to act in ways that reinforce these accusations.

The people around narcissists actually become containers for the parts of their personality that they want to ignore.

Are accusations from narcissists actually confessions?

Accidents from narcissists can sometimes be seen as a form of confession, though not in the traditional sense.

When a narcissist accuses another person of a behavior or trait they possess, this often reveals more of their own insecurities, flaws, and behaviors than the person being accused.

Narcissists struggle with self-awareness and often lack insight into their own actions and motivations.

Accusing others of the things they do allows them to avoid confronting their own shortcomings and weaknesses by shifting the blame onto others.

When a narcissist accuses you of being a narcissist, they are unconsciously acknowledging their behavior. By projecting their traits onto you, they are indirectly expressing a form of self-acknowledgment, even if they are not fully aware of it.

In short, while narcissists’ accusations may offer a glimpse into their own psychological dynamics, they are not direct admissions of guilt or self-awareness.

Instead, they are complex manifestations of their defense mechanisms and manipulation tactics.