Have you ever been denied your reality?

You’re overly sensitive.

You don’t have the right to feel this way.

It didn’t happen the way you describe it.

I wish I could point out every single one of these psychological manipulation phrases—but knowing what they mean can help you spot the signs the next time you feel like you’re in the presence of a narcissist.

Don’t get me wrong, narcissists are charming. They remember people’s names. They hold out chairs. They compliment. They smile. They remember the little details that make you feel important.

So imagine when psychological manipulation really changes things.

You’re not “lucky” to be with them.

The reason is because it’s psychological manipulation.

change

Psychological manipulation can sometimes be more covert, and it can happen when you least expect it. More than that—it can happen right under your nose—in front of countless people who don’t even realize what’s going on.

Narcissists are masters at painting a picture, not just of the scene, but of themselves.

PuttingOnA Show

A narcissist will put on a show for everyone, including you. You’re out with friends. You see them laughing and joking with everyone, smiling at you from time to time, and generally treating the night with respect and trust.

Related : Don’t Fight or Argue With a Narcissist; Do This Instead!

It makes you feel great.

Seeing them at the center of attention, accepting every compliment, question, and pat on the back.

They might help someone cross the street, or pay a check at the dinner table.

They’re in narcissist heaven.

What happens next is enough to send anyone into a tailspin, because it’s the least talked about form of manipulation.

It’s time to shine a light on change.

Warmth pours from their faces

The moment you get in the car to go home, or enter your home together, the charming mask slips off their face, revealing the narcissist’s true personality.

The smile you were manipulated into creating through their false facade quickly fades.

The person who seemed perfect to everyone just minutes ago—the person everyone tells you you’re so lucky to have—is gone.

The compliments are gone.

The empathy is gone.

The warmth has drained from their entire body.

You may ask what went wrong, what happened to cause this change.

A narcissist can go from helping someone bag their grocery store groceries to criticizing you for the color of the dress you’re wearing all in the span of a minute—and as they do so, your reality becomes severely distorted.

Emotional Trauma

The oscillating structure of a narcissistic relationship is enough to send you into emotional shock. There’s a level of confusion that your mind can’t comprehend.

How could they be so different?

It seems like your relationship is taking 4 steps forward and 5 steps back, but the narcissist has trained you to focus only on the steps forward you’re taking. They do this by gilding the good times, and doing their best to keep you rolling back there whenever you’re having a struggle together.

You’re Always Behind

What people stuck in narcissistic relationships fail to see is that they’re always behind. They don’t necessarily focus on that, because they’re so dependent on moving forward, even if you’re not actually getting anywhere.

This is so sad.

In the end, you blame yourself, because the narcissist will never again allow himself to be blamed.

Jekyll and Hyde

It makes many victims of narcissistic abuse feel like they are with a Jekyll and Hyde type. In fact, in my experience, this is how many people I have met describe their narcissistic partner.

Related : What Happens When you Abandon the Narcissist?

There is a soft side, but it seems to be there to please everyone and prevent them from seeing the more secretive and abusive reality.

Then there is the side that you see and completely deny when you mumble any of the narcissistic traits they reveal.

Guess What?

The ultimate deception is at work, because everyone sees and believes the charm because they are unable to understand or recognize the narcissist.

Others notice your charm and invalidate you

To enhance the effect of manipulation, your reality will be yours alone. You can’t even count on the people you thought you could see through their charm, because how could they, when they have only witnessed the charm of the narcissist, fail to see or notice the darker, more compulsive side of them.

This is what is left for you to see on purpose – so that you feel like you’re the one going crazy.

And so the narcissist traps you.

This is manipulation, and the narcissist will put on a show to get the supply they need, even if it means putting you in a powerful position where no one can undo them.

YouAreNotTheProblem

It doesn’t take long for the narcissist’s mask to slip, which is why you’ll usually see an immediate change in them once they’re away from their adoring crowds.

The shame the narcissist feels from pumping out so much supply in public creates a tension inside them that they simply can’t handle. So they get rid of it by making you the problem and attacking you emotionally, and sometimes physically, as a result.

The narcissist’s charm isn’t just for partners – it can also come in the form of friends or parents, so if you grew up seeing your parents as people who could easily float through life in public and be admired by everyone before they saw who they really were in private – you’ll know how it feels.

You’re Not The Problem

The More You Talk – The Worse It Gets

This is a horrible and confusing way to live.

The emotional manipulation is very real, because it makes people question their own reality, and what is not real. It seems like they are imagining it, and the narcissist’s personality change happens so quickly, that it can happen at any time.

Is this anxiety-provoking? Yes!

Is this depressing? Definitely.

Are you feeling unsure about what’s going to happen next? Of course.

The more you talk about people you know in private, the more people who know them in public will think you’re crazy.

This is the most insidious form of emotional manipulation, and it’s definitely one to watch out for when you discover that your partner has narcissistic traits that are making your relationship toxic.