Key Points
Narcissists exist along a continuum, from the oblivious extrovert to the hypervigilant introvert.
The hypervigilant narcissist avoids attention, but may secretly crave the limelight (“quiet grandeur”).
What both oblivious and hypervigilant narcissists have in common is their well-constructed and rehearsed false image.
Narcissism is often associated with many of its outward manifestations, including attention seeking, superiority complex, selfishness, manipulation, unreliability, violation of boundaries, negative emotions, and many other traits.
Meanwhile, psychiatrist Glenn Gabbard suggests that some narcissists belong to a more introverted subtype. (1)
According to Gabbard, narcissists exist along a continuum between two subtypes: the oblivious extrovert and the hypervigilant introvert. In contrast to the grandiose, “I’m so unique and special” persona of the inattentive narcissist, the hypervigilant narcissist tends to avoid the spotlight, is “highly sensitive,” and has a constant and heightened fear of rejection by others.
“[Hypervigilant narcissists] listen carefully to others for evidence of any critical reaction, and tend to feel slighted at every turn.”
—Glenn Gabbard
It is important to note the differences between introversion, social anxiety disorder, shyness, and hypervigilant narcissism. For example, an introvert may choose to stay home rather than interact socially because he or she prefers to be alone. A person with social anxiety disorder wants social interaction but is so nervous about it that he or she ends up staying home. A shy person wants social interaction and remains shy during social interactions. The hypervigilant narcissist also wants social interaction, and does so with great care to be accepted, refraining from standing out for fear of disapproval, and regularly acting in ways that are out of character to avoid rejection.
Below are comparisons between the oblivious narcissist and the hypervigilant narcissist. This is just an overview. Each individual, of course, has a unique set of traits. Many narcissists possess aspects of both subtypes.
The Oblivious Narcissist (2)
Insensitive to others.
Fears insignificance and feels unloved (unliked).
Seeks attention and is overly showy.
Violates others’ boundaries and manipulates relationships.
Life decisions to promote a superficial image and ego-driven success.
The Hypervigilant Narcissist (3)
Excessively sensitive to others.
Fears rejection and abandonment.
Avoids attention, but may secretly crave the spotlight (“quiet show-off”).
Constantly engages in fight, flight, or freezes around the subject of feeling rejected.
Life decisions to avoid the pain of rejection and failure.
What both oblivious and hypervigilant narcissists have in common is their well-constructed and rehearsed false image (like roles in a dramatic play). The real self, the “ugly duckling,” is submerged to play a role worthy of admiration and/or acceptance. For hypervigilant introverted narcissists, their hidden pain is the desire to connect, but the anticipation of rejection.
