What is a Narcissistic Sadist?
Beneath the charismatic facade that a narcissist presents to the world, there may be a quick-tempered sadist.
Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self-Love , describes the relationship between narcissism and sadism as psychological “kin.” A narcissist is as capable of inflicting pain as any sadist.
The reason behind their sadistic actions is what creates the difference.
Yes, a narcissist uses torture and abuse, but they do so as a means of punishing perceived slights, thereby reaffirming their sense of superiority.
Meaning of Sadism and Narcissism
A sadist practices torture and abuse for the genuine pleasure of being cruel.
Narcissistic sadism differs from the more infamous sexual sadism
Sexual sadism involves deriving sexual pleasure from the suffering or torment of others caused by acts of torture or abuse.
When narcissism is accompanied by sadism, an individual exhibits all the traits and characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), but in addition, they have sadistic tendencies that reinforce the negative behavior of their narcissism.
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However, there is no sexual pleasure associated with their sadistic actions.
Instead, sadistic acts generate narcissistic supply. Sadistic acts are the narcissist’s way of punishing those who do not obey, admire, or tolerate.
Difference Between Sadism and Narcissism
A narcissist always has to “win” and will use any means at their disposal to do so, including torture or abuse.
They don’t think twice about causing pain in order to win.
Narcissists always cause emotional pain and often physical pain as well. Their victims are usually those closest to them and most vulnerable: their partner or spouse, their children, their siblings, and their close friends.
People often think of sadism between two adults but it is also common between siblings or when parents beat their child as a scapegoat.
Narcissists leave a trail of misery behind them throughout their lives.
Dealing with a Sadistic Narcissist: Their Partners
A sadistic narcissist gains pleasure and narcissistic supply by inflicting psychological and physical pain.
They carefully select their victims in order to achieve the ultimate goal of supply.
Narcissists choose partners who are committed, overly dependent, and afraid of living a life independent of the narcissist.
They have accepted their role as a spouse or partner to the narcissist because they are “addicted” to the narcissist’s extravagant persona and grandiose visions of the future.
They idolize the narcissist and dream of sharing their lives with someone who is confident, successful, and charismatic.
At first, they are very attractive and romantic, making them feel like the most important person in the universe.
However, once the narcissist has a firm grip on them, the mask begins to fall, piece by piece,
until the partner is exposed to the narcissist’s volcanic rage, endless and outrageous demands, chronic criticism, and humiliation.
The Dark Side of the Narcissist
Not only does this dark side of the narcissist cause long-term mental, emotional, and physical pain to their partner or children,
but they then begin to experience pleasure in watching this significant other (or people) suffer as the actions are tied to getting narcissistic supply.
These sadistic behaviors become chronic and sometimes threaten the mental and physical health of those closest to them.
Unfortunately, they have paid a heavy price for staying by the narcissist’s side.
How Does a Sadistic Narcissist Keep You Under Their Influence?
Narcissists are cruel. They have no remorse or empathy for the other people in their lives and will do anything to control and gain control at any cost.
Common actions include beating them, keeping them stressed, threatening to leave them without financial resources, and even promising to take their children away from their spouse.
They want to be known as capable of anything – and this makes them feel like they can do anything.
What would drive a narcissist to sadistically abuse someone close to him, a source of supply – why not simply get rid of them?
According to Sam Vaknin (“Malignant Love”), a narcissist tends to display his sadistic side under two conditions:
- The sadistic acts themselves generate narcissistic supply that the narcissist consumes (“I inflict pain, therefore I am superior and capable of anything”), or
- The victims of his sadism are still the sole or primary source of narcissistic supply, but they are seen as frustrated and deliberately withholding.
The sadistic acts are his way of punishing them for not being as obedient, admiring, and loving as he expects them to be in light of his uniqueness, universal importance, and special entitlement.
The Narcissist’s Sadistic Toolkit
In general, a narcissist is not a complete sadist, but because of his rigid personality and lack of empathy, he inflicts physical or emotional pain on significant others.
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With repetition, he learns to enjoy their suffering because it is associated with generating narcissistic supply.
Abuse
The sadistic narcissist verbally, mentally, emotionally, and physically abuses his victims.
He destroys their self-esteem, constantly humiliates them, abuses their trust, may hurt their loved ones, threatens their stability and security, withholds love and sex, and freely criticizes them in private and in public.
Father Figure
It is not uncommon for the sadistic narcissist to disguise his sadism as a scientific and objective concern.
He plays the role of a psychiatrist or father figure, the only “real” friend, or the experienced mentor.
These sadistic actions weaken their victims’ defenses and fracture their already frayed nerves.
Fear and Loathing
Sadistic narcissists enjoy being feared, or even hated, by others. It makes them feel powerful and godlike.
They get intoxicated by the looks of horror or disgust on people’s faces; it makes them feel like others believe the narcissist is capable of anything.
This is a trait that the narcissist develops and cherishes. Hatred and fear are guaranteed attention generators.
After all, it’s always about attention generation (narcissistic supply, his drug of choice).
Acts of sadism are just another tool in the narcissist’s toolbox that he will use to get the “fix” he needs.