Dating A Narcissist: Everything You Need To Know

Dating a narcissist has high highs and low lows. It will make you feel on top of the world one minute and then, question your worth, reality, and intuition the next.

Here’s what you need to know about dating a narcissist…

Remember: all narcissists are emotionally unavailable. They are detached from their emotions and cannot empathize.
Anyone can fall in love with a narcissist. But only those with low self-esteem who need validation like oxygen will start dating a narcissist and continue to stay. They will refuse to" surrender " to the narcissist because they abandoned themselves a long time ago. They put all their eggs in a basket" I'll be cool/smart/sexy enough to change/commit".
Narcissists are incapable of mutual relationships. Only they are capable of self-transactions.
Listening to the actions (which form patterns) of a narcissist is imperative. Their words mean nothing and will drive you crazy. Any words you speak, excuses you make for them in the name of unconditional love, understanding, etc., will eventually be used against you.
Dating a narcissist makes you want to get off your white horse forever. You have to stay though, as soon as you get out, the narcissist will back off/bounce / give you the silent treatment and then use your interaction and break up against you. They will highlight your reaction to their bachelor's degree and use it as irrefutable evidence that you need help, not them. Before you know it, you are apologizing to them for a human reaction to inhuman behavior. Narcissists like this turn-off dynamic because it allows them to hurt themselves more, not face any real consequences, and continue with everything important, everything about their behavior. Remember, the crazier they can get a look, the more in control they become. Your reaction is caviar for the ego.
Narcissists are experts at emotional Chinese water torture. They keep the proverbial water dripping on you. And when she can't stand it anymore, they'll say " Whoa! Re-loosening. That was just water! It is non-toxic and natural! What's your problem? I baptized you with my love; I think you don't want that. You have some real issues. Maybe you should go talk to someone."You were left feeling worse about yourself and crazy. Therefore, you take responsibility for your partner's behavior, blame yourself even more, apologize, and beg for water again.
No matter how cool and carefree they are trying so hard to appear, narcissists are image Freaks and controlling.
Narcissists are energetic and emotional vampires, who will passively absorb energy, empathy, and reason from you. And then, they point the finger and make you feel ashamed for being depleted of all three.
Looking back, I think I had a hard time accepting that I was dating a narcissist because that meant I had to accept that my parents had a certain level of narcissism. It also forced me to address my narcissism. Just because I wasn't what I would call a "straight narcissist," I was a very reverse narcissist. I was doing selfish acts for narcissistic people it's all about how I wasn't enough. I was making everything up about myself, just like the narcissists I was attracted to.
There is no need to ever worry that after dating a narcissist, he/she will become a better person with a new partner who is everything you are not. Narcissists are extremely insecure people whose emotional development was arrested when they were given conditional love, abandoned, betrayed, abused, or bullied as a child. They were traumatized in some way; we all were. As heartbreaking as it is, the fact that they don't always see themselves in the wrong and use their romantic relationships to revisit a sentimental crime scene just so they can be a manipulative puppet master (or a convenient victim when he serves them) is quite toxic. They thrive on creating a grandiose image of themselves and controlling that image at all costs. But because they are insecure deep down, they can never keep up with the image they portray. Eventually, they reveal who they are: a shell of a person who would only be compatible with people whose self-esteem levels are as low as theirs.
Narcissists are unable to work from a place of love – for themselves or others. They work from a place of fear. The only way to keep this fear in check is to control others (in the form of flirting, blaming, deflection, chain grab, mixed signals, swooping in and out of your life, hot one minute cold the next, etc.).
If they know that you feel responsible for their feelings that's all they need. For them, it's as good as going to bed with you. Control is the only thing that will turn a narcissist on. They will lose "respect" for those they can control and will always like the idea of a partner who has boundaries, but they will always return to people they can control. Without it, the ego cannot survive.
If you are dating a narcissist, you will never really know how he feels about it because they are always inconsistent: hot/cold/; yes/no / maybe. This "ignorance" keeps you invested because the more mystery they create (with a few crumbs of clarity here and there), the more"curious" you become. This causes you to become delusional enough to believe that if you turn your head for a hot minute, they will turn into the man/woman of your dreams.
When you break up after dating a narcissist, it's a much more painful feeling than anyone else. Your boundaries and expectations have been bartered to such a low level, that you feel like you have no identity or purpose. Plants rejected the seeds of FBI stalking mania. Often, narcissists will suddenly disappear or break up with you and not contact you at all. Narcissists know how much shadows paralyze you. So, as long as they can keep you thirsty in the emotional desert, they have you gearing up to welcome them back into your life at any moment with their girl. They do this to keep you secure as a warming option, they do less to you than they did in the relationship, and they still get the sexual/emotional/financial benefits of having you as a partner (without the commitment, investment, or monogamy of their end). By keeping you in this state of hunger, they know that you will never end up with them. If one day you decide that you are completely done with them, they will not know what to do with this loss of control. Therefore, they have to weaken your defenses to ensure their survival (remember, deep down they feel insignificant and worthless).
Narcissists are not interested in anything but control. Everything should be on their terms. You can never "scare" them into thinking that" this is it " or that you are leaving or moving on. They know better. We have conditioned you to be a 24-hour emotional/sexual / excuse-making / encouragement, ATM.
Remember this: it takes a narcissist to be attracted to one. I'm not saying at all that you are a sympathetic and selfish busty narcissist who thinks he/she is extremely important. You have compassion and empathy (the compassion you have for yourself is what this blog got you). What I'm saying is that (this is a term I completely made up and this is my unprofessional opinion), you are a reverse narcissist. Do you think that other people's hurtful, deceitful, heartbreaking behavior is all about not being good enough? You internalize the narcissistic behavior of others. And no matter from what angle you look at it, this still makes everything about you. 

The only difference is that reverse narcissists have the ultimate game changer that traditional narcissists don’t: they have empathy (professional term: empath). Empathy is an incredible thing, but you can’t give it if you don’t get it from yourself (that’s why I started using the term “reverse narcissist”). Work on reverse narcissism by constantly getting your back and watching how your life turns out. You will soon stop being attracted to narcissists like a fly to a horse. You just have to be good to yourself, first of all.

Dating a narcissist? Here are the only ways you will ever be able to maintain an ongoing relationship with them:

Accept that the relationship is 100% on their terms.
Make everything about them and their needs. Never about you or you.
Never question their decisions or behavior.
You cannot love yourself, have your back, or healthily look at yourself. Never. If you do, you should feel guilty about it.
Accept their hurtful actions and behavior as an indicator that you need to be better.
Never, I repeat think you're enough.
Take all the blame and apologize for everything.
You don't have any kind of discussion about your relationship or where it's going.
Recreate discrete bad porn sex in the bedroom and never express any of your sexual desires.
You should always underestimate your intelligence, appearance, success, and achievements so that he/she feels more secure.
Understand that he will always compete with you (both directly and indirectly) (and you should always lose).
You must have a PhD in building his / her pedestal, door mat by yourself, and under the carpet brushing.
You have to keep giving and giving so they can keep taking and taking.
Never age or gain weight.
Accept that he needs a lot of validation from others (and not just you), to keep the parade of false self-importance going. Don't try to compete or be number one. You will be made to look crazy.
Accept that he will not be able to constantly appreciate you because they do not appreciate themselves. If they do, they will understand that it is enough independent of all the superficial trifles (which they think legitimize it).

Is there a silver lining in any of this?

The silver lining in dating a narcissist is that they always reflect what we need to work on loving ourselves and healing from trauma. They also make us deal with our reverse narcissism because really, who would waste their time dating a narcissist other than a (reverse)narcissist?

I know that somewhere deep down you…

You can truly love yourself. You can empathize with yourself; be in a mutual relationship with yourself first, to communicate authentically with others who deserve your time, energy, and love and you love them. I know that.

Instead of subscribing to “Why me? Why am I not good enough?”Dialogue, get to know this: the narcissist was put in your way not as an indicator of your lack of value but as a spiritual North Star.

We all know what Northern starts doing, don’t we? They are there to guide us; to point us in the direction of where we need to be. Do not be happily ever after, the end of everything.

If you recognize dating a narcissist as the North Star, you will be open to the motivation that your involvement with them is the motivation to work on loving yourself, owning your decisions, working on your intuition, and getting your back.

There is no need to get off your white horse and take revenge. You realize that your value is their karma.