Compassion: How To Have More For Yourself (& Less For Toxic People)

Mercy is a beautiful word. It is a form of love. Love is at work.

We can show Love by caring, supporting, and being there for others, especially when they are in a difficult place. It’s kindness, in all its glory.

Compassion is reaching out to those who need love. Who is in pain? Those who suffer. Who feels lonely? He gives friendship and concern wrapped in kindness. It offers empathy and gives a voice to those who cannot express their grief. Mercy is soft, considerate, tender, and radiates warmth.

I’ll start by asking you, do you think you are capable of looking at yourself through compassionate eyes?

Are you able to deal with yourself with compassion when life becomes difficult-when you are alone and struggling?

These are rhetorical questions because you just need to share the answer with yourself. But these are important questions because many of us are much better at presenting and empathizing with others, and not so much for ourselves.

Compassion is also a form of self-love. I have decided that some of the most beautiful souls walking on Earth, often struggle with self-love, because they learned (wrongly) their” worth ” from others.

The truth is – we are full of love. It enables us to give, and we are also supposed to receive. Compassion-the external giving of love and kindness when a person is in a dark place, is a beautiful thing.

Related : How To Deal With Toxic Family Members (& Maintain Your Sanity)

If you are struggling, show compassion towards yourself.

If you have a tremendous ability to be there for others, however, in return, receive a lack of appreciation no matter how many times you have been there:

This post is for you.

This is the day when you will learn how to give yourself sympathy and support that you can easily give to others.

There is a list here, so print it out and stick it on your wall if this is something you need to practice.

Screenshot and read it daily. And watch your life slowly turn around.

First, and I have said this in my previous posts:

“What you say and do is your thing. What others say and do is their own thing.”

Do not confuse the two.

Why is this so important? Because toxic people who take away from you and never love you back can mess with your vision of yourself.

Never confuse someone’s disrespect towards you with what you deserve.

The inability of a person to treat you well, says everything about them and nothing about you. However, it gives you a strong message (red flag) that you need to recognize.

If you have shown kindness and respect to another, and she does not give it back, you need to realize that continuing to do this, will hurt you. Hanging out there, and showing loyalty to someone who treats you badly, will never lead you to the path to happiness. This is a brick wall. We walk away. We don’t get jackhammers and spend our precious time breaking them.

One of the most painful moments in my life was when someone I was always there for, and showed kindness and love towards said to me, “I could never be friends with you the way you were with me.”It was an exit conversation.

They chose someone else, because of convenience and location. You’re gutted. At that moment, I felt very unseen, undervalued and worthless. I remember this moment very clearly. I felt my hands grow cold, my stomach was tight with numbness.

My intuition was telling me, “Yes, it hurts, but you’ve lost someone whose values don’t match yours.”It was the day I learned how damaging it can hurt when someone chooses to stay away from us because they are choosing someone else. Even when we gave them everything. Loyalty. Love. Our heart. Everything.

Of course, the road was paved with red flags along the way, and I should have distanced myself. I was always looking for good, refusing to give up, but completely at my own expense. In the end, I felt like I lost not only the person I wanted in my life but all my self-esteem too, as I felt a complete fool. For some time, I even hated myself for letting that happen. I should have trusted my intuition.

But the pain I felt helped me understand that there was nothing else I could give or do. That I can’t compete with the circumstances. A few months later, I realized that they might have chosen differently, but in this choice, they also lost me. They will never know what it was like to have me in their life again.

Accepting what it is can help you get away. If someone does not choose to love you, you are still loved. Know that you are worthy and realize that not everyone can give you what you deserve. When these things happen you will see that the love we feel can only connect us with those who will hurt and abuse us. Sometimes we need to accept that the fantasy that we hold on to will never exist in reality. Empathize with yourself, love yourself when others don’t, and walk away.

If someone you’ve loved treats you badly, offers only self–serving scraps of themselves, only wants you on their terms, show yourself the compassion you deserve- they can’t. Don’t stay around hoping and trying. They revealed themselves, says Natasha.

The problem with loving toxic people, be it family, friends, or intimacy, is that these people want to control us. They want you to stay in your little box, and they want to keep you small.

Small. Trivial.

They want power. And they will not give you warmth and love to grow, flourish, and shine. Giving love and compassion to these people will hurt you because the same love that binds you, can allow you to accept the abuse and pain that they provoke.

If you are struggling with empathy for yourself, imagining that you are someone else, what advice would you give them?

Related : 6 signs someone is indirectly manipulating you, according to psychology

This is a great starting point to help ourselves learn the art of self-compassion. Especially if we can do without it by the bucket of others.

Life is not always sunshine. It’s not supposed to be. I read something the other day, about if we had only happiness and no tears, we could not grow. We need sadness, pain, and loss in our lives to truly appreciate the beauty in what we have and who we are. Only life without rain and sun creates a desert-and we cannot thrive without the coolness and nourishment of rain. Geographically and figuratively.

Returning to the story when I felt that everything I gave to someone was thrown in my face – that moment of rejection was about him – not me. Even the words “I can never be friends with you the way you were friends with me” say that they know that they cannot give what you did. Water always finds its level.

Oddly enough, as the months passed, my pain winter slowly gave way to the first healing bloom realized without them, there was a lot of peace in my life. The drama stopped. The Saw went out of emotional turmoil. I could suddenly see that they didn’t give me anything. They used me because I could give them things that they could not give to themselves. Things that made them feel loved and fostered a great sense of feeling good.

This was a person who would say things like “You make me happy.”I realized that this was very important for them because they did not feel happy in themselves. What a huge responsibility they were handing over to anyone who ” made them happy!”

I could suddenly see, this person had no sympathy for himself, no capacity for self-love. Everything was external. Conditionally. Situational. And rely on someone else to make sure this happens.

No.no. Don’t give that much power to anyone else. No one can make us completely happy or satisfy us. This is our business. Yes, anyone can add to it, increase it, and complement our happiness and our life, but they are never solely responsible for the happiness we feel.

Find your happy place. Protect him. Fill with compassion for yourself. And find out that you deserve it. If someone comes along, and they do not show you the love, respect, and kindness that you give them, let them go.
Do not invest your time in watering rocks.
Water those who support your growth and give you some shelter from the wind when life becomes harsh.

In a storm, the only person is you. Know that you can overcome it. It is much better to be alone and find out your worth than to keep company with those who want to crush your soul and keep you down. Misery loves company. Stay away from toxic people.
The list:

This is your cheat sheet for showing compassion towards yourself and less for those who do not deserve it.

If someone makes you feel worthless, don't join them. You should always see your value, especially if others do not. Team you-first. Always bat for yourself. This is non-negotiable.
Never suspend your self-esteem or self-esteem based on the way others treat you. Never. If they weren't nice, as I was, I hit a brick wall. Go back and f * * * up. Turn around. Bye!
If you are struggling and in pain, and you are not getting the support you need from others, ask yourself, "What should I do or say to someone who was in the position I am in now?"Write down these things, and then present these things to yourself. If you are a person who often needs to check on others, know this:

It’s a habit. That’s all there is to it.

Yes, it’s great to get love and praise from others, especially those whom we care about and want in our lives. If you’re not getting validated though, ask yourself, ” What do I want to hear? What words do I want them to say to me?”

Then say these things to yourself. And believe them.

Warmth and kindness in deeds. Talk to yourself gently when you are struggling. Show yourself. Showers and warm baths. Extra sleep. Eat nutritious food. Practice. These things will go all the way to building yourself up. No self-sabotage.
Treat yourself. Buy yourself new flowers or lipstick. Or high heels! Side note: If you are young, do not buy yourself lipstick, it will not work for you, so pamper yourself with something you like. Because you f * * * ing worth it. This is not materialism, this is a way to give yourself, to give yourself some pleasure, so that you can enjoy it. You deserve to feel good.
Be authentic-towards yourself. He does not cover up things and shove things 'under the carpet'. Admit it. When you admit your fears-your pain, you reduce their grip. How? By recognizing and confronting them. Don't fight your feelings, accept them. They are valid and they are real.

You’re real. That’s how your needs are.

Look for patterns. These are solid clues to how a person works. If someone is constantly hurting you, walk away without feeling guilty. You are not someone else's emotional punching bag, and you have the right to feel loved, appreciated, and safe. Staying with those who deny you these things will break you down over time.
Do a sound check. If others criticize, belittle, and belittle you, you may as well do it yourself. Listen to your inner voice. If it is negative, stop this dialogue now! Praise the good in yourself and recognize your qualities. Show gratitude for everything that is you, remember that there is no light without darkness. Use the darkness in your life, to help you see the light in yourself.
Validate yourself! This leads from the number 8-sharing your feelings with those you trust is often useful. Sometimes by sharing, you will find that you are not alone in your pain, there is a saying – "a common problem is a solved one.”

But we need to be able to validate ourselves, and not just get it from others. Help yourself, by understanding yourself, you do not need the approval of others, words of encouragement, or affirmations to flourish. Always know you need to support yourself, because in the absence of others and what they may offer you – – you will stand alone.

That’s when you need to ride your white horse.

When it comes to how to stop paying attention to what people think, it is your inner strength, self-belief, and courage that will prevent you from succumbing to fear and loneliness. Navigate through life at your own pace—slowly, gently, but always with intent.

Do not make excuses– for other people's dirty behavior towards you. Never make excuses when this happens. If you do this, you are telling them that it is acceptable for them to treat you that way. No, he and f * * * g don't. If it hurts, something is wrong. Do not accept ill-treatment from people towards whom you show sympathy and respect. If they can't give you the same, give it to yourself. Remember: don't waste your time watering rocks. Nothing will grow.
Last and last, which is a summary of all of the above, there will always be a person who cannot see your value. There will always be someone who cannot see your value. There will always be someone trying to shorten you.

Don’t let that person be you.

This post was written from memories of the era I did not know how to love myself, and when I neglected to show myself compassion. (Because I don’t want you to be in the places where I was).