We’ve all been forewarned about romantic vampires—the predators that suck the life out of us. However, no matter how hard we try, sometimes it comes unexpectedly and we need to find a way to rid ourselves of negative energy.
So, how exactly can we identify a toxic lover and remove them from our lives?
A partner is considered “toxic” if he or she is any or all of the following:
- Obsessiveness:
It’s wonderful to feel loved, needed and adored by another person. But there’s a fine line between being likable and being obsessed. Partners who feel the need to obsessively cling to their mates likely have very little self-esteem. These are individuals who need the affection of others in order to feel complete. Sometimes they are referred to as “co-dependence.”
It’s nice when your partner wants to spend time with you, but this need for constant attention can quickly become overbearing. We all need our personal space, too, and if you feel as though you can’t sneeze without your partner grabbing a tissue and wiping your nose, you may start to feel suffocated by the relationship.
- Control:
We all need to feel as though we can trust our partner, and that we don’t have to worry about where they go or who they spend time with. It is completely normal for our partner to reciprocate these feelings. However, it is not normal for a partner to have the final say regarding who we are, where we go, and what we wear.
A healthy partnership does not involve hacking our email account or reading our texts. It does not involve depriving us of all autonomy and insisting on complete control over our physical, mental, emotional, or financial health.
If you find that your partner has whisked you into their home, taken over all your bills, and insists on consolidating your money into one joint account – beware! Although it may feel good to be taken care of, these are very common tactics for narcissistic abusers.
- Manipulation:
If you’re absolutely certain that you can’t trust anything your partner says, you’re probably right. Having a hunch or intuitive feeling that he’s lying about anything at all — whether big or small — should be a red flag. It’s one thing to sneak out on your birthday or anniversary, but sneaking out all the time probably means your partner is up to no good. Once you catch a lie or two, it becomes difficult to trust anything he says or does. - Excessive jealousy:
Perhaps the most annoying feature of a toxic partnership! Again, it is normal for your partner to become suspicious or feel uncomfortable if you insist on maintaining a close friendship with your ex; There is a certain level of healthy insecurity in every relationship. It’s a completely different thing if you’re unable to hang out with anyone at all.
If your partner doesn’t want you to interact with anyone of the opposite sex, or is jealous of your boss, teacher, cashier or waiter, this is a very bad sign. Too much insecurity is a symptom of deep-rooted emotional trauma.
Individuals with a high level of jealousy or insecurity may have been burned in the past and have not taken the necessary steps to heal. While it is possible to work through these insecurities with your partner and develop a healthy level of trust, it is far more common for the relationship to freeze in a state of distrust and for both of you to drift apart unless your partner addresses this issue internally. Firstly.
So, it’s toxic – now what?
There’s not much you can do to save the relationship if you’re the only one doing the work, trying to “fix” someone who doesn’t even acknowledge the need to change. These types of issues need to be addressed at their core first, and the best way to solve relationship toxicity is to simply get rid of it.
For a relationship to last, there must be trust, honesty, empathy, and compromise. If your love is meant to be true, you will lay a healthy foundation and engage in open communication to resolve any issues as they arise. You will look out for your partner’s best interests as well as your own and won’t be afraid to set personal boundaries while ensuring you remain flexible and receptive to each other’s needs. This is love.
