When it comes to problematic men who attack or abuse vulnerable women, it is not uncommon for women who have never been victimized and consider them “great men” to ignore the experience of being hurt by the man, and even engage in “protectionism.” “To help these men avoid the consequences of their actions.

Actress Christina Ricci shared a post on her Instagram Story, calling on people to stand by victims of abuse despite their love and admiration for their abuser.

The Instagram Stories came after the verdict in Danny Masterson’s rape case, where the actor was sentenced to 30 years to life in prison.

People thought Richie might have been referring to Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis; However, others pointed out that Richie herself was a survivor of abuse.

It’s easy to assume that with all of Masterson and Kutcher’s discussions going on, and the role Kunis may have played in his alleged predatory behavior, Ritchie was referring to them. But Richie has a history of abuse at the hands of her ex-husband.

In January 2021, People Magazine reported that Richie filed a restraining order against her husband, James Herdegen, after filing for divorce last July. She claimed that he was physically and emotionally abused during their marriage, and even engaged in toxic behaviors in front of their son, and her request was granted.

According to Ritchie, Heerdegen isolated her and wrote in her declaration: “He said the only way he could feel sorry for me was if I was chopped up into little pieces,” leading her to believe her life was in danger.

She went on to detail numerous domestic violence allegations, which her ex-husband vehemently denied and responded by saying her accusations were merely a tool to keep him away from their son. But to back up her claims, Richie obtained an emergency protective order in 2020 after police were called to the home.

The former couple have since reached an agreement over custody of their son, and Richie has remarried Mark Hampton. She was quoted as saying, “The first time I healthily fell in love was probably the marriage I’m in now.”

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Richie’s message is that people we know and love can do terrible things to others despite the pedestal we place them on.

“So, sometimes people we love and admire do terrible things. They may not do these things to us and we only know who they are to us, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t do terrible things and denigrating abusers is… a crime”.

In cases of partner abuse, it is easy for people involved in the couple to believe that the person they know could never do the things they are accused of. The abuser may have spent years transforming into this “god-like” person for their loved ones, and anything that contradicts the image portrayed is written off as unbelievable.

This is especially the case when it comes to narcissistic abuse. The problem is so widespread that people around the narcissist who may honestly believe they can do no wrong are referred to as “flying monkeys.”

They defend the abuser, no matter how wrong they are, refuse to see the truth when it’s right in their face, and become intentionally or unwittingly complicit in the abuser’s behavior. This is the exact reason why predators and pedophiles move through entire families, devastating one generation after another.

People who enable abusers are actively engaging in “abuse by proxy” or “third-party abuse.”

Not only does the person who has been harmed have to fight their way out of the situation, sometimes for their life, but they are exposed to further abuse when their story is invalidated or met with doubt. Often, they have to mourn the loss of people they thought loved them and had their best interests at heart due to cavalier disregard for the abuse they suffered.

You cannot say you are an advocate for victims of abuse, and then choose which victims you want to advocate for. If you’re against fighting the good fight and holding abusers accountable, you can’t dismiss those you believe are “good people” despite their horrific actions.

Everyone has their flaws – parts of their “shadow self” that they keep tightly around to maintain their public persona. But if someone you love has an abusive shadow, you hold them accountable because you love them, not despite your love for them.