Relationships can be tricky, especially when it comes to knowing the truth behind someone’s actions. Sometimes, your partner’s words don’t quite match their behavior, and if you’re dating a narcissist, you may notice that this discrepancy becomes even more apparent. Infidelity is one of the most painful betrayals that can happen in a relationship, but when you add narcissism to the mix, things get even more complicated. Narcissists are often masters of manipulation, able to convince you that you’re the problem, even when their actions speak louder than words.
In this article, we’ll outline 25 things narcissists typically say when they’re caught cheating. These statements are often manipulative, dismissive, or downright shocking. Understanding these red flags can help you deal with the situation and protect your emotional well-being. Let’s delve into the world of narcissists, where lies, guilt, and blame games are the norm.
- “You’re overreacting”
When a narcissist is caught, one of their first defenses is to downplay the situation. They’ll make you feel like you’re the one making a big deal out of nothing. If they’re caught in the act, this phrase is often used to deflect attention from their infidelity and refocus on your reaction.
Example: Imagine you’ve just discovered a series of flirtatious text messages or intimate photos. You’re upset, and they hit you, “You’re overreacting. It’s not that serious. Why are you making such a big deal out of it?”
- “It’s your fault I did this”
Narcissists are masters at shifting blame. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they often blame you for causing their infidelity in the first place. They’ll claim that you pushed them into it through neglect, criticism, or simply not being “good enough.”
Example: “You don’t listen to me anymore. You’ve been too distant. I was just looking for someone who would understand me.”
- “I was just doing it to get back at you”
If you had a disagreement or argument, the narcissist may use your past actions as an excuse to cheat on him. He may claim he did it out of revenge, as if his cheating was somehow justified because of something you did — whether it was a minor argument or an unrelated issue.
Example: “You hurt me last week, so I felt justified in finding comfort elsewhere. You made me do this.”
- “I don’t remember it happening”
When confronted with evidence, some narcissists will completely deny the reality of the situation. If you show them something that proves them wrong, they may simply dismiss it, claiming they don’t remember it or that it didn’t happen.
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Example: “What are you talking about? I don’t even remember sending those texts. You’re just imagining things.”
- “It wasn’t even that serious.”
Narcissists will often downplay the relationship, making it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. This helps them avoid taking full responsibility and allows them to ignore any feelings of guilt.
Example: “It wasn’t like I loved them. It was just fun. You know how crazy things can get sometimes.”
- “It’s not what you think it is.”
When you catch a narcissist in the act, they may immediately start defending themselves by saying, “It’s not what you think it is.” This is their way of twisting the situation and trying to control your perception of what really happened.
Example: “You’re misunderstanding everything. We were just friends. You know how I treat people.”
- “You should be thankful that it’s me and not someone else.”
Narcissists like to make everything about them, even in moments of guilt. When they’re caught cheating, they may try to minimize the betrayal by suggesting that you’re lucky it’s them and not someone else.
Example: “You should appreciate that I still care enough to be with you. There are other people who treat you worse than I do.”
- “I was just trying to feel good about myself.”
Narcissists often seek external validation, and cheating is a way for them to boost their ego. When confronted, they may interpret their actions in terms of a need to feel good about themselves.
Example: “I wasn’t getting the attention I needed from you. I needed someone to make me feel special again.”
- “We were just talking about it, it wasn’t physical.”
Another tactic narcissists use is to try to downplay the level of involvement. They may claim that while they cheated emotionally, it wasn’t anything serious because it didn’t involve physical intimacy.
Example: “It was just a couple of conversations. We didn’t even sleep together. What’s the big deal?”
- “You’re paranoid.”
If you’re suspicious of their behavior, the narcissist may accuse you of being paranoid. They will make you feel like you’re seeing things that aren’t really there, even if you have good reasons to be concerned.
Example: “Why are you always suspicious of me? You need to relax. You’re paranoid.”
- “You’re the one cheating, not me.”
In extreme cases, narcissists may try to turn things around. Instead of admitting their infidelity, they will accuse you of cheating or cheating in some other way to distract you from their actions.
Example: “Why are you accusing me? You’ve been acting strangely lately, and I think you’re the one hiding something.”
- “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what happened.”
A classic tactic of narcissists is to pretend they don’t know what they’re doing at all. They may act as if they’re completely out of control, and avoid responsibility by playing the victim.
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Example: “I don’t even know how it happened. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was doing things I regret.”
- “I was lonely.”
Narcissists often manipulate their partners by claiming they were lonely or neglected. This is their way of justifying the relationship, and portraying themselves as the victim.
Example: “I was so busy, and I felt so lonely. I didn’t know where to go.”
- “It was just a one-time thing, why are you making such a big deal?”
Narcissists tend to downplay their mistakes, convincing you that because they only happened once, they shouldn’t be treated as a serious problem.
Example: “It was just one night. You act like it’s the end of the world. Why can’t you just get over it?”
- “I was thinking about you all the time.”
This is both shocking and insulting. The narcissist may try to convince you that they were thinking about you in some way during the relationship, which is their way of claiming some sort of moral superiority.
Example: “Even when I was with her, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It wasn’t about her, it was about how lost I felt.”
- “I didn’t love them, I love you.”
This is a common attempt to regain control of the situation. The narcissist may admit to cheating, but then quickly follow up with a statement that suggests their feelings for the other person were trivial.
Example: “It didn’t mean anything. I don’t love her, I love you. You’re the only one for me.”
- “You don’t understand what I’m going through.”
To make you feel guilty, narcissists may say that you don’t understand the emotional turmoil they’re going through. This puts you in a position where you feel responsible for their actions.
Example: “You don’t understand how hard things have been for me lately. You’re just focusing on the wrong things.”
- “I can’t believe you would think I would do that.”
Sometimes, narcissists act as if they’re completely shocked that you had the nerve to accuse them of something so terrible. This is another attempt to manipulate your emotions and make you feel wrong because you doubt them.
Example: “How could you think I would do something like that to you? You should trust me more!”
- “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but it happened anyway”
This phrase is often used to make you feel sorry for them. They want you to think that they didn’t want to cheat but that their emotions or circumstances led them to do so.
Example: “I never meant to hurt you, but I couldn’t help it. I’m so sorry it happened this way.”
- “You can’t hold me responsible for this forever.”
Narcissists have a way of making you feel like you should just forgive them and move on. They may suggest that continuing to bring up the subject of cheating is unfair to them.
Example: “I said I was sorry. You can’t keep taking responsibility for this. We need to move on.”
Conclusion: Protect Yourself and Take Charge of Your Future
When it comes to narcissists, the things they say when they’re caught cheating can be manipulative, defensive, and downright confusing. Recognizing these phrases and understanding their tactics can help you deal with a difficult situation. If you are in a relationship with an unfaithful narcissist, remember that your feelings matter, and that you are worthy of honesty, respect, and love. Whether you decide to stay or move on, the most important thing is to prioritize your emotional well-being. Trust your instincts, and don’t let their words control your perception of the truth. Take charge of your future and remember that you deserve someone who values and respects you for who you are!
