How can I love someone who offends me?

I get asked about this all the time, mostly by women at prayer and I hope I can say yes.

They are looking for hope and assurance that if they stay, persevere, and keep proving their love, their partners will change.

How can I still love someone who abuses me?

This is the $64 million question those who have never been in an abusive relationship ask themselves. before you ask:

Why don’t you just leave?

A student of our online video course shared a great article that answers both questions (link below).

It perfectly sums up codependency and what I experienced in my relationship with my violent ex.

I have never fallen in love with an abusive man. She fell in love with a charming and charismatic man who later happened to turn violent.

He didn’t enter our relationship to hurt me either. We had the same hopes and dreams that this relationship was the one we needed. At first, I felt as if she was and thought: He’s the one.

Related: When Love Becomes A Prison: 6 Signs Of Obsessive Love

Can narcissists love?

We both felt like we were in love. The problem was, it wasn’t a healthy form of love.

It was conditional love.

We loved with the understanding that the other would respectively satisfy our deep-rooted fears and needs.

I had low self-esteem, desperately needed approval, and needed him to need me. I was afraid of abandonment too.

It makes me feel special. great. I was the only one in the room that first night we met.

Not long after, he revealed his dark side. He claimed he was damaged by events in his past.

I felt sorry for him. I made it my mission to protect and save him. If only I could love him enough.

I can heal the wounds of this poor, sweet man.

This made me feel needed and good. This is what love meant to me. loved it. He needed me.

For a while, that worked.

Even though he showed me his flaws, I accepted him and loved him even more. I ignored any red flags telling me I should run.

All my focus on him made him feel powerful. It gave him the warmth and security he needed. He loved me so I’m sure she felt love for him.

He flattered me, he lavished me, and he put me on a pedestal. I wasn’t like any girl he’d met before. I felt great.

It didn’t last long. You can’t hide from insecurity forever.

He began to doubt me, to test my love, to push me away.

He made unwritten rules that I could never abide by. He aims to prove my undying love for him so that he can be sure of it.

Abuse followed.

Would she still love me if she saw who I am?

I wasn’t sure. I began to wonder about his behavior. Showing signs I may go too far.

BAM!

The attentive loving man came out again. The one who made me feel good about myself again. I stayed.

My ex-on again was the focus of my entire world. I loved him and tried to help him, save him and change him. This made him feel good about himself again. briefly.

None of us can do that. The inner well we both had was bottomless buckets. Deep-rooted needs are insatiable.

The cycle of abuse went round and round.

Feeling good, feeling down, feeling good again, being abused again. This affects your self-esteem.

I hit rock bottom. Then the light bulb in my head went out: This is not love.

it’s not. It’s an unhealthy dependence.

I couldn’t agree more with this article. Describe what you went through to a tee.

It is a dysfunctional dance where every dance is based on the right unhealthy steps.

Do you love someone who hurt you? Stuck in an abusive or dysfunctional cycle? Let me know in the comments below.