Everyone wants narcissists to change, except the narcissists themselves, in general. Like most mental illnesses, narcissism exists on a wide spectrum. We all have some narcissistic traits that we can either get rid of or use to our advantage. I think most writers have a bit of an ego. After all, we think we have things to write and others should read them. And nothing is better than a free reader.

The real trick is to determine whether the narcissist in your life has a personality disorder or is just immature and self-absorbed. Often, spouses have front-row seats to the show and have to decide for themselves whether the husband or wife is capable of change or whether it is better to cut their losses. Since the vast majority of narcissists will not go for a psychological evaluation and will lie even if they do, sometimes we, the victims, have to do our best to know what to do.

I realize that a few of my readers are likely diagnosed with mental illness. neither do I. But eventually, the abuse and its psychological and physical effects pile up, and we must decide if it’s time to escape. In the story of my marriage to a narcissist, some changing tours lengthened our journey. I truly believe that God gave my ex every opportunity to turn from his inclinations. But eventually, the point of no return came.

Narcissist transformation

Nebuchadnezzar is certainly an example of a narcissist who has surrendered to change. It can be said that Saul/Paul was also a narcissist and succumbed to conversion. It is difficult to determine whether Paul was like that or not. He certainly lacked any sympathy for Christians, but there is a possibility that he held his Jewish faith to such an extent that he was a fanatic. Many Jews of the time saw Christianity as a serious threat, so he was not alone.

Related : If someone is playing manipulative games with you, they’ll display these 9 subtle behaviors

I often notice that God seems to offer narcissists a way out sometimes. I left my ex for the first time after about five years of relationship. While I was staying at my parents’ house, he had what seemed like a real encounter with God. He claims that he was cast to the ground and that God allowed him to do so. For about a year, he was kinder, gentler, and a bit less controlling. He went to church regularly. I believe God gave him a real opportunity to grow.

Unfortunately, the change gradually began to diminish after the first year. The reason I think the experience was real is because it went on for a long time. In general, a narc can maintain a pretense of change for only three months. Certainly, my subsequent escape attempts produced only very temporary changes in his behavior. Eventually, he started hanging out with guys with whom he had two things in common: a love of computers and a hatred of women. The inevitable slide began after a year of church attendance and Bible study.

The mature narcissist

On a more optimistic note, psychologists often note that many people get rid of their narcissistic tendencies in their 30s. This change is often caused by difficulties in marriage, children, and hard work in a career. Life has a way of humiliating us all, doesn’t it? However, this is not the pathological narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder that experts discuss. This is just a range of selfish and selfish traits that we all display at one time or another. So what does a potential narcissist’s husband or wife need to know about the possibilities for change?
Reality check

There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. Many conditions masquerade as narcissistic personality disorder, such as addiction, depression, and other mood disorders. But although I have seen many of these issues change and recover, I have never experienced pathological narcissistic change at all. And I knew a little. However, Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be treated if the narcissistic person is committed to change and is fortunate to find professional help skilled in that particular area. In my experience, they are few and far between.

Not sure if the person in your life has BPD? Here are some symptoms that should be present for diagnosis:

The idea of ​​the patient and his self-importance is exaggerated.
Fantasies about beauty, success, and power dominate an individual’s thoughts.
The person believes that he or she is special, and only associates with other “special” people.
They need to be admired all the time.
They believe they are entitled to most things.
They manipulate and exploit others.
They lack empathy and the ability to feel and recognize the feelings and needs of others.
They envy others.
Their behavior appears arrogant or arrogant.

What do they like to live with? Medical News Today article here describes them as follows:

Follow-up
cocky

• Often dissatisfied with the actions of others
  They tend to blame others and make them feel guilty for all their problems
  They lose their temper at the slightest provocation
  They turn their backs and give people the “silent treatment”
  Exposure to physical and sexual abuse

What no one likes to admit is that diagnosing a narcissist is difficult because they are uncooperative. So the family is left to piece the puzzle together. I wish I could insist that all couples fighting over custody of their children would insist on a comprehensive psychological evaluation. A diagnosis can go a long way in winning custody agreements.

Related : 7 Signs of a Narcissistic Father

I think I feel pity for my ex and how close he came to permanent change. While I enjoy my daughters, I feel some regret that he turned away from love to a life of self-fulfillment. I remember a story written by George MacDonald, a 19th-century writer, called The Lost Princess. The rich princess has an ugly temper while the poor shepherdess has a problem of pride. In his story, the angry princess is capable of change. And what she does changes into a girl capable of love and empathy. But Agnes, despite her humble birth, clings to her narcissism and refuses to change.

While MacDonald questions the role of parents in raising proud children (a legitimate question), the ugliness of Agnes’s self-love continues to haunt me. And the princess’s heartfelt repentance is moving. I hope that’s not the case, but for all of you married to narcissists, maybe it will be up to you to decide whether or not change is possible. And if you’ve been down the cycle of abuse, you probably already know the answer in your heart.