In this day and age, narcissism has become a buzzword in the modern dating world. The term refers to a specific pattern of behavior characterized by grandiosity, extreme selfishness, and a lack of empathy, among other narcissistic traits. These traits certainly make a person difficult to deal with, and dating a narcissist can often be a harrowing experience.

However, a recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships1

suggests that some nuance is necessary when it comes to talking about relationships with narcissists.

Study the Effects of Dating a Narcissist

In this study, researchers wanted to understand how a person’s mental health is affected by a romantic partner who is prone to two different types of narcissistic behavior: narcissistic rivalry and narcissistic admiration.

Narcissistic rivalry refers to hostile behaviors toward others that are intended to protect the narcissist’s grandiose self-image, such as aggression and devaluing others to make yourself look good or better than them.

Narcissistic admiration refers to behaviors that have the same purpose—trying to boost your self-image and emphasize how superior you are—but by being charming and confident in front of others so that they can admire you.

To study how these behaviors affect a narcissist’s partner in a romantic context, the researchers looked at data from a survey of more than 7,000 German couples (specifically, relationships involving a man and a woman) who were currently living together. The survey asked each partner questions about their mental health, personality traits, and various behaviors, including those associated with narcissism.

WhatTheyFinded

What the researchers found surprised them: Having a highly narcissistic partner had little or no effect on a person’s mental health, contrary to what they expected. “The expected direct effects on romantic partners did not emerge,” they wrote in the paper.

There was one exception: Women, in particular, tended to have lower mental health when they had a male partner who was particularly high in narcissistic rivalry (i.e., behaviors such as aggression and devaluing others). But even in this case, additional analysis suggested that these negative effects on women’s mental health may have less to do with their partner’s narcissism and more to do with the indirect personality traits that tend to accompany it — such as lower agreeableness and openness.

“The lack of a clear link between one’s narcissism and their partner’s mental health was surprising and did not support our hypotheses,” Leopold-Maria Lautenbacher, a psychology researcher who led the study, told PsyPost.

The team stressed that more research is needed to validate these seemingly confusing findings, but they concluded that these narcissistic behaviors may not matter for your romantic partner’s mental health.

WhatPeople Often Get Wrong About Dating a Narcissist

“Having a romantic partner who is somewhat narcissistic does not necessarily spell the death knell for your mental health,” Lautenbacher explained. “We did not find clear trends in worse (or better) mental health for individuals with increasingly narcissistic partners.”

But there’s a big caveat here, he notes: “Keep in mind that we’re not talking about narcissistic personality disorder here—the findings are limited to non-pathological differences in narcissism between individuals.” The truth is, that we all have some level of narcissism, and not everyone with narcissistic traits necessarily has a full-blown narcissistic personality disorder (the clinical diagnosis of extreme narcissism). As licensed therapist Alyssa Mankau, LCSW, previously told MBG, “It’s pretty common for most people to exhibit narcissistic behaviors.” “These behaviors come and go, don’t last long, and don’t cause major disruptions in your relationships,” she adds.

Related : 10 Necessary Steps To Fix A Toxic Relationship

None of this is to say that you should tolerate unacceptable behavior from narcissists in relationships, of course. Narcissistic abuse is real, and it’s important to know the warning signs and end a relationship with a narcissist if abusive behavior arises.

However, studies like this one suggest that it’s possible to date a narcissist without the dynamic necessarily becoming toxic to your mental health.

Conclusion

Not every relationship with a narcissist is automatically a disaster. While narcissistic behavior is often a red flag, it’s important to recognize the nuances when it comes to narcissism.

As psychologist Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., wrote for mbg, “Provided that there’s no abuse at play and you’re content staying in the relationship, there are ways you can learn to lovingly tolerate—and even communicate with—the narcissist in your life.”

If you find yourself in this situation and are up for the challenge, she has a complete guide on how to love a narcissist while also making sure you’re looking out for your well-being.