Can a Narcissist Fall in Love? Narcissists struggle to have romantic relationships for many reasons; one of them is that they don’t know how to resolve conflict.
It’s normal for couples to have disagreements, but clinical psychologist Sharon Thomas says narcissists believe they can do no wrong.
They’re perfect, and if there are problems, the other person is to blame.
Unfortunately, narcissists can’t love their partner in the traditional sense; however, as you’ll read, they love their partners in their own special way.
If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist for a while, you’ll know that at first, they showered you with undivided attention, gifts, and compliments.
But over time, things have changed dramatically; they’ve withdrawn, and in some cases, narcissists can become abusive.
Studies show that narcissists only engage in transactional relationships, meaning that unless they have something to gain, they won’t stay.
Whether it’s self-esteem, enthusiasm, or money, a narcissist will ensure that they take whatever they can and then move on to another relationship.
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So, whether you’re in love with a narcissist, thinking about getting into a relationship with one, or are concerned about the well-being of a friend or family member, you’re interested in knowing the answer to the following question –
Can a narcissist fall in love, and will a narcissist ever find true love?
WillANarcissistFoundTrueLove?
Can a narcissist feel love? Yes, they can, but because they don’t like feeling vulnerable, they sabotage themselves to protect themselves.
The problem with narcissists isn’t that they don’t feel love. They just don’t know how to show unconditional love.
When a narcissist decides to break up with their partner, they do so to heal their wounds, and after a while they come back.
Narcissists typically display feelings of love early in a relationship when they are not vulnerable.
This usually happens during the love bomb stage (which I will discuss shortly). During this stage, they are often viewed as perfect by their partner because they appear to be loving.
But once cracks appear in the relationship, narcissists begin to feel inadequate and empty in the relationship.
These feelings become the boundaries to developing a loving and intimate relationship with their partner.
How are narcissistic relationships different from normal relationships?
Neuroscientist Rhonda Freeman studies narcissists and has come to several conclusions about how narcissists experience love.
Narcissists are always seeking stimulation because their brains are highly sensitive to rewards.
The object of their desire activates their reward system and feel-good hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and norepinephrine are released in abundance. However, love is more than just a feeling.
When the average person stops to think about what love looks like, they will mention things like sensitivity, compassion, commitment, honesty, mutual support, and authenticity.
Among other things, these things are experienced when a bond is created.
Freeman goes on to explain that once the initial feelings of attachment have worn off, the person in the relationship with the narcissist now invests in the union and forms an attachment.
In a normal relationship, a deeper connection is formed between two people as their feelings become clearer than just superficial.
However, the narcissist fails to bond at this point and now begins to blame their partner for their boredom.
Fearing that their significant other will discover that they are not perfect, the narcissist avoids emotional conversations.
They go to great lengths to protect their ego, and it hurts them deeply when others do not treat them like a significant other.
Narcissists do not like to acknowledge their feelings; therefore, they protect themselves by finding ways to humiliate their partners.
Can a Narcissist Fall in Love?
The narcissist appears incapable of love because he covers up his vulnerabilities by withholding emotional intimacy.
He attacks or withdraws to deflect the pain; Narcissists don’t like to hear their partner empathize with them because it makes them feel like they’re being judged.
Despite the mask they wear, their inner voice is constantly telling them that they’re not worthy, and when they’re offered empathy, it confirms that voice.
What Does It Mean When a Narcissist Says I Love You?
If you’re in love with a narcissist and you’re wondering what it means when a narcissist says I love you?
The answer lies in their definition of love; a narcissist is capable of feeling love for you, but they’re also capable of intentionally and purposefully causing you pain, and for those of us with a healthy mind, that’s not love.
The Charming Narcissist
In the early stages of dating, narcissists shower their partners with a flood of love.
But according to Robert Johnson, this is part of the transactional process. They’re playing a game, and their main objection is winning.
Narcissists want the love and admiration of the person they’re pursuing; to do so, they use manipulative tactics that manifest in the form of promises of commitment, romance, flattery, generosity, and expressions of love.
This process has been called “love bombing,” and the potential person becomes overwhelmed by the level of attention they receive.
It’s not uncommon to hear about the rewarding aspects of loving a narcissist; Narcissists are often very charming.
They have a magnetic pull that draws you in and can be incredibly seductive.
Narcissists are captivating and fascinating storytellers, and will weave together a history of events, amazing statistics, and inane quotes that will have the listener sitting on the edge of their seat, hanging on every word.
When a narcissist decides they want you, they will make you feel like the most valuable person on earth.
Once you’ve been caught up in their fascinating web, it’s almost impossible not to fall in love with a narcissist.
People who have been in a relationship with a narcissist say the highs are heavenly and the lows are hellish.
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How long do narcissistic relationships last?
In general, a relationship with a narcissist will not last more than a few years.
However, when they decide to marry, it’s because they’ve embraced the positive feelings they’ve developed toward their partner, even if they’re based on shared interests and friendship.
But their romantic adventures will diminish to nothing, and they will do their best to avoid intimacy.
A narcissist will often become angry, critical, and cold; this is especially true when they are challenged or do not get what they want.
When they meet their partner’s needs, they are looking for something in return.
You will never make a narcissist happy unless you are willing to accept that they are right at all times. If not, they will quickly withdraw their love and you will become a victim of their anger.
Understanding the Love a Narcissist Can Give
When you stop trying to make a narcissist love you through your lens; and understand that their perception of love will never be the same as yours, it will become much easier to have a relationship with a narcissist.
In response to the question, what does it mean when a narcissist says “I love you”?
In short, it means that you have effectively met their needs in a way that has brought them the most satisfaction.
Are all narcissists abusive in a relationship?
Narcissism is a term that has become synonymous with narcissistic abuse; However, the situation is more complex than the prevailing picture suggests.
Contrary to popular belief, humans are, in general, narcissists because they think of themselves first.
Using the example of a flight attendant, when you board a plane, before takeoff, the flight attendant announces.
You are asked to put on your face mask first before helping anyone else if the plane crashes.
This is a natural state of affairs, as it is impossible to help anyone else when your needs are not being met.
Narcissism is closely related to healthy self-esteem and assertiveness.
However, when a person suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the individual’s ego is inflated and their sense of entitlement becomes so intense that it negatively impacts their daily life and the people around them.
Emotional Abuse
By definition, narcissists do not think about the needs of others and therefore, the potential for narcissistic abuse is high.
They justify their behavior because they see themselves as superior beings.
It can be difficult to have a relationship with a narcissist because they do not take into account the feelings of others; therefore, some may claim that this opens the door to emotional abuse.
Narcissistic behavior can descend into more overt forms of abuse when certain risk factors are at play.
These include problems such as substance abuse and anger, which can erode the judgment and inhibitions that regulate behavior.
Financial difficulties are an additional risk factor because a narcissist’s self-worth is derived from a false external image; when their sense of self is threatened, it causes them to rebel.
Therefore, it is more accurate not to label all narcissists as abusive, but to view their condition as existing on a spectrum.
They are highly toxic on one end, and overly self-centered on the other. Although a narcissist’s selfishness has the potential to cause relationship problems, it is not always abusive.
Can a Narcissist Learn to Love?
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders notes that narcissists lack empathy, being unwilling to identify or recognize the needs and feelings of others.
Studies have found structural abnormalities in the areas of the brain responsible for emotional empathy.
Therefore, their ability to express care and concern on an emotional level is greatly impaired.
On the other hand, they are capable of cognitive empathy, which is seeing things from someone else’s perspective.
But they are only motivated to do this if they get something out of it.
What is love for a narcissist?
If you want a narcissist to love you in the traditional sense, it is only possible if they acknowledge their condition and seek professional help. Some narcissists are willing to change, and others are not.
With the help of a psychologist, narcissists can develop empathy and learn to recognize who they are on an emotional level.
The process involves learning to let go of their addictive need to feel superior and accepting support from others in an emotional, caring, and mutually satisfying way.
Can a Narcissist Change?
Can a Narcissist Change Their Behavior? According to psychologist Wendy Behary, three things are required for lasting and significant change to occur in a narcissist’s life:
Benefit: A narcissist must feel that they are in danger of losing something meaningful before they decide to seek treatment. This is often the threat of losing their status, job, or partner. Once a narcissist is willing to reveal their vulnerabilities, they are ready to change.
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Good Therapist: When it comes to treating narcissism, finding a good therapist is hard. For treatment to be effective, the therapist must be strong enough not to fall for the narcissist’s charms, or the type of person who is easily provoked. They must be able to set boundaries and stick to them.
Therapeutic Approach: One example of a good therapeutic approach to narcissism is “schema therapy.” The goal is to help narcissists break free from harmful coping patterns and self-defeating patterns that have developed since childhood so that they can reconnect with their core emotions.
Basically, to treat a narcissist, their brain needs to be rewired; and this is possible if they are willing to undergo this process.
But only after the narcissist has healed can they learn to love their partner in the traditional way.
So, Can a Narcissist Fall in Love?
In response to the question, can a narcissist fall in love, and will a narcissist find true love? The answer is yes; but as we discussed, not in the traditional sense.
Despite some of the horrible things narcissists say and do, they are human. They may hide their feelings, but they do have feelings and much of their behavior is often due to a traumatic past they have been through.
If you are in love with a narcissist, most people will tell you to run away.
But if you feel strong enough to deal with their split personality and their definition of true love, and don’t feel like you are being abused, you can make the relationship work.
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