Does someone’s change of behavior baffle you? Understanding narcissism is difficult especially when it comes to someone you know. You may not be able to control your emotions, but you can control how you react.
Learn more about detecting narcissism and why a narcissist did it.
I’ve heard this many times, read about it from confused and bewildered people and know from experience the confusion that comes with this question.
But how could he do this to me after all else? ?
I wrote about how Empath likes to know it all. This is not because you are reckless or want to show off. She likes to know everything so she allows you to help. You need to understand the situation.
It must make sense to you. You must be able to understand what happened and find a logical reason why it happened. This is why you spend so much time trying to solve us.
This is why when we give the silent treatment, you need to be sure why we do it (I think you now understand that we do it because we need to, not because there is a valid reason (according to your reality) for this behavior). It’s a normal empathic reaction.
If you understand why something is happening, then you can think of ways that it can be addressed, remedied, and fixed. You want everything to be fine.
Accordingly, when our devaluation is unleashed against you, it comes out of nowhere. Yesterday we were holding hands as we walked in the park together and kissed under the spreading oak tree. Today I had a bad period of insults and blame. You are stunned.
Where did this come from? In your reality this makes absolutely no sense. One minute everything is fine, nothing changes but then all of a sudden we are terrible for you. It just doesn’t add up. Does not make sense. Things get worse.
Not only does it not follow through in a logical sense because our response (which is seen in your reality remember) seems random, how can someone say they love you and then hit you with their fists, lock you out of your house, sleep rape you, smash your car, spit on you and so on? Not only is it not a normal sequence of events if you love someone, you don’t, right?
Understanding Narcissism: Why did the narcissist do it?
This is what makes it difficult for you to understand them. We tricked you into thinking we loved you. We have given you the tremendous temptation and dazzled you with the golden period. We know what love is all about, and we’ve brought it to you with spade loads made by Narc Inc.
Our pipeline over time has continued to create these false verbs and hollow declarations of love but you fell in love with them. you always do. Accordingly, you were tricked into thinking we loved you, so when we start to devalue you, it totally flies in the face of what you understand to be the situation.
You’ll sit for hours with your closest friends and read example after example of all the wonderful things we’ve said and done and then ask,
“How could he hurt me when he loves me so much?”
It’s very confusing. Of course there is a method in this madness. If it makes sense, if there is a logical reason for this vulgar face, you will most likely just accept it and walk away. This twisted and illogical reasoning is purposefully designed to keep you with us because:-
- You must know and understand what happened
- You want to make things right
- You want the wonderful golden period again
All of this keeps you by our side. guess what? We indulge in the most outrageous and still irrational behavior and still don’t go. We give you a glimpse into the golden period and you get even more confused, he still loves me and I know it.
Then the door closes and you are locked in again, but even worse this time, the brief return to the golden period gave you extra hope. I still do not go.
For once, instead of looking at it through your eyes, think about it from our perspective. Devaluation does not come out of nowhere. He does for you but not for us. It happens because you are not giving us the fuel in terms of strength, quantity and frequency that we require. This is the rationale behind our behavior change.
Why then can we hurt you when we love you so much? Again, look at it through our eyes and answer directly. We never loved you. Accordingly, we are not affected by what appears (in your world) to be a harmful and paradoxical shift in our behaviour.
Let me help you further. To us, you are just a device. At first, because this device does what we want it to do, we take care of it. We clean it, maintain it, and take pride in it.
Then things get worse. It’s a lot of effort to try to fix it. We are terrible for you to make you run differently instead of trying to fix you to run like normal.
Related: Why Narcissists Act the Way They Do
Remember how people would slap the side of their television to make it work or give the washing machine a kick in hopes of getting it to work properly? You are just the same.
You are a device and we give you the boot whether figuratively or literally to make you fuel us of a negative nature. We eventually get tired of you not working as well as we want you to, so we beat you to the scrap heap like so many discarded refrigerators, computers, and washing machines. We saw a shiny new model that caught our attention instead.
So when you sit and wonder why this devaluation is happening, why our behavior is meaningless and how someone expressing such perfect love can be so painful, you know the answer.
It makes no sense in your world but all makes sense in our world where you are just a device. Maybe you’d better consider doing some self-improvement and increasing your longevity, yes?
