Dealing with a narcissist who drains you emotionally? It’s time to break free from the toxic web and take back control. Learn 9 steps to protect yourself.

Narcissists are hostile, selfish, and can be abusive. Dealing with a narcissist is challenging. Whether the relationship is with a parent, sibling, or lover, love can feel elusive.

Do you feel ignored or emotionally abused, vacillate between hope and pain, love and resentment, staying or disconnecting?

Living together generates hurt, resentment, and anxiety because you get used to self-sacrifice, emotional abuse, or even physical abuse. Loving someone who alternates between caring and abuse or who is unable to show love is confusing, heartbreaking, and addictive.

Loved ones often feel hurt and frustrated because their feelings and needs are ignored. Constant conflict, rejection, control, and criticism undermined their self-esteem. Many people feel betrayed by the loving person they once knew who has disappeared over time.

Some partners give up their studies, jobs, hobbies, family ties, or friends and sink deeper into despair.

Leaving a relationship is not an option for everyone. Some partners lack courage, but many do not hesitate to say that they love the narcissist and would prefer to stay if they were more appreciated and respected.

For other people, their priorities are parenting, financial concerns, co-parenting with an ex-partner, or maintaining family ties. Whatever the choice, rebalancing power in the relationship facilitates either option and restores mental and physical health.

Here are the steps for dealing with a narcissist detailed in my book, Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships:

How do you manage a narcissist? 9 tips for dealing with the narcissist in your life

1. Learn everything you can about narcissism.
   You must be aware of who you are dealing with. This not only includes diagnostic criteria but also requires the ability to identify even subtler forms of abusive behavior.

In addition, it is essential to understand the narcissist’s motives, what makes them tick, and why. Getting this on a deep level is important for reasons you may not realize at first. It will help you get out of denial, detachment, not responding, facing the abuse, and leaving if you choose to.

Read : Toxic Vibes Dragging You Down? 10 Signs It’s Time To Break Up With Your Negative Friend

2. Have realistic expectations.
   This follows naturally when you truly understand the narcissist. Once you have no illusions about a person, your expectations can be more realistic. For example, you wouldn’t expect a blind person to compliment your new colorful costume or resent them for not doing so.

Your anger and hurt feelings are elevated. Likewise, you will not complain that “I do a lot for him/her, but it is not reciprocated.”

3. Disconnect, don’t interact, and avoid conflict.
   With greater knowledge and realistic expectations, you will not react or take your abuser’s behavior personally.

You avoid fruitless conflict that drains you and empowers them. This prepares you to accept the reality of your situation. It does not mean that you have to accept the abuse, but only that you can expect the abuse to happen if you do not take action to stop or avoid it.

4. Identifying and confronting abuse.
   You are now empowered to take effective action. First, you must be able to identify all forms of subtle abuse, including the most difficult of them – gassing and manipulation.

You must learn the right and wrong ways to confront the abuse to avoid arguments as much as possible.

5. Set boundaries
   It is essential to set boundaries with your abuser to protect yourself. There is an art to doing this effectively, and it may require you to call out the consequences. Remember that boundaries are for you and are not meant to punish someone else. They often mention what you will do.

Read : 15 Reasons Narcissists and Sociopaths Lie

6. Use systematic transactional communication.
   This is a way of setting boundaries and asking for your needs with someone who is very defensive, such as an abuser or narcissist. It is different from how you might talk to another person who does not have a drug addiction or personality disorder.

The goal is to communicate without triggering the usual defensive behavior. It is explained with steps, examples, and specific scripts in my book.

7. Enjoy your hobbies and activities.
   As part of getting your strength back and rebalancing the relationship dynamics, you need to focus more on yourself and become independent. Your thinking and emotional well-being cannot revolve around another person. This is dependence on others.

As with setting boundaries, this also increases your mood and self-esteem. It gives you strength instead of feeling like a helpless victim. Doing your activities is essential even in a friendly relationship.

8. Have a support system.
   In all intimate relationships, it is wise to maintain your friendships. No relationship provides for all of your needs, and expecting them to do so will lead to disappointment.

Courage will be necessary to take these steps and set boundaries when you may not have done so in the past. The aggressor will not welcome them. Especially with a narcissist, you will need a support system that will help you comfort and encourage you.

9. Practice self-love and self-care.
   Loving an abuser hurts your self-esteem and undermines your confidence. It hurts. Healing and finding your strength requires improving your relationship with yourself and starting to take care of yourself.

This means not only dieting and exercising but learning to rest and take care of yourself. You are looking for love. Start giving it to yourself. Listen to my self-love meditation.

Follow these steps, do the exercises, use the texts, and employ the guidelines and plan in my book, and you will redeem yourself and improve your relationship, whether you’re loved one has a narcissistic personality disorder or not.

In short, you will have practical plans to better implement this in your relationship with yourself and your loved one, and you will be able to decide if and how to leave the relationship.